2009 is coming!!!!!
New year wishes!!!!!!!!

1) Get into a local U!!
2) To do up a proper port folio!!
3) Improve on my singing and build up confidence!!!!
4) For all family , friends and myself to be healthy and happy!!!!!!!
5) To meet my Mr. Right!!!! =D

Top 5 wishes for next year... haiz.. all feels damn hard.
GAMBATTE!!!!!!!
HWAITING!!!!
JIAYOU!!!!




Drawing is really harder than i thought.
And me being perfectionist is not helping.....
ahhhh. i think theres gonna be a hole in my sketch soon.
just drawing the croquis is a chore...
practice practice practice!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Yay!!! i got a job!!!
hahaha. details not very clear..
but at least i get experience in the media field..
BUT, my job is to interview people. not exactly doing media stuffs. yeahh
Renumeration , pay, i've gt no idea........... i didnt menton much about the pay in my mail. or rather i DID NOT at all.. was just hoping to get something to do in mediacorp. experience comes first.

OH! and here are the pics for 5.1/6.2 gathering!!

2008年就快要画下休止符了。。
一切画面就这样一幕一幕的闪过。。
但当下的情感，却不一样了。。

道路上，又碰到了分叉口。
一起开始的旅程。。。
但始终要分开。。
又要一切归零，又是一个人，
重新来过。
太多不肯定，太多不确定，
甚至太多孤寂。
但这不就是人生，平凡的华丽
喧闹的孤寂。

woops! sorry bout the wrong info!!!!
No Taeyeon!! But YUNJI!!!!!!!!
hehe. i liked her too!!!!!!!
since Goong and esp after 19岁的青春.
hahaha. woops. GTG!!!! BE back soon..........

really tired from the gatherings alrdy..
and im going out again..................................

OMG......... check this out...
CANT WAIT!!!!!
Don't know if its just Kangin actually,
but heard that taeyeon and him will be together in WGM.
hahahaa, hmmmmm.. Wht about Junsu?????? LOL.
and Suju on WGM may mean special appearances of DBSK and SuJu!!!! WOOOHOO
and i officiall like Taeyeon!!!!!!!! =DDDDD
KangIn's one of my fav in Suju also... YAYNESS!!



Lettuce Couple actually went on Xman together before!!! OMG... hahahhaa . Did they rmb!??!?1

HELLO!!!!!!!!

Been back for quite some time alrdy..
Organizing my photos and putting them into vids..
Too much pictures to put them on this blog. hahhaa.
So, there you go... my trip, though no 100% of it, but most.. Heh..

wow, i finished Miss no good !!! Started yesterday night! finished few mins ago. LOL. leaving soon...... hmmm.. shinjuku today??? Y(^.^)Y visited loads of places alrdy ... left with...Enoshima, Yokohama, Asakusa, Harajuku..... hmmm... shld be all?? hahaa. time flies.............

12:02am
back from singing K in japan, went to yokohama today to meet my cousins friend.
a different form of freedom, but another form of restriction.
saw the ferris wheel just now, gonna take it soon..
shld be going to the shopping district tmr.. things are all very expensive here.......
ahhhh... but the food are so nice, i doubt ill lose weight! hmmm...... getting really cold.. okie. be back soon....

only lonely?

oh dear.... loneliness? is that what i'm experiencing??? :(

ok....... this holiay suck .. i dunno what i've been doing... time could have been better spent.
time should have been treasured..
rather than being spent on lamenting, pondering and arguing.
thinking generates more thoughts, more suspicion , more hatred.
if you want to, you can live happily .
or you can chose to read into words, read into nothing, and see something.
something ugly...ugliness comes only when u try too hard, trying too hard, hoping to find the flaws.
there is infinite flaws u can find , even in a crystal so clear...
urgh. i've got no idea wht im blabbering at this point of time.
so tired of all these. and this time round, i'm not saying its my fault anymore, because, from the very depths of my heart, i did not insult anyone but myself, nor did i expect these insults on MYSELF would occur to be insults to ANYONE ELSE BUT MYSELF.
this won't do, if it carries on, this over-sensitivity. now it may only cause some discordance or unhappiness with others. in the future, it will only hurt YOU, yourself. It will be a major problem if this is not overcome, seriously, it will only hurt you more. advice as your best friend, i don't wanna see you suffer, nor do i wanna rope in any other innocent people. i would say, this time round, i'm innocent as well. who wld have known wht i say about myself would hurt someone else... it all happened too fast... i hate conflicts, i seriously that word, even the sound of it, how ugly it sounds, how ugly it is , to see the letters placed together... i tried my best throughout my life, to prevent them from happening, it seems, no matter how hard i try, it wouldn't steer clear my path.. nor my attempts be seen, but only magnified each single conflict..... i never did raise my voice at friends, or if i did...sorry. but i hope i didn't and in my memory, i did not. i don't always have patience , even if it went down all the way to zero, i try not to show, cause i really really really detest conflicts. i try to accomodate, try to agree, just to prevent them , but it seems they just come knocking on my door unknowingly. for the innocent, i know it sucks, sorry, but i hope you know, i don't wish for them . even if i was hurt or unhappy by what others said or did, i didnt show it much, because i don't want any conflicts...........
i had enough of them since young, i had enough of childish fights since young . and i don't want them now.

the world's a landscape filled with landmines..
u step on it unknowingly... u hurt those around you,
those innocent souls... bury their souls for you.
because of one wrong step, without even knowing its wrong.

이 황당한 세계는 진짜로 견딜수 없는다 경이롭 너무 많은 미개간 땅 및 오해.너무 많 이해하지 않았다.。너무 저것이라고 의 너무 조금 안락 넋두리하는.

This is to those, who need strength, who fears pain, who fears fear....
its up to you, to face it, to grow stronger with it.

life is a lone walk.
a barefooted pilgrimage..
at times, u may brush through fine patches of grasses..
at times u may encounter pricking mimosas,
at time, you may even find yourself cut..
by thorns, pebbles and shatered glasses..
all these encounters; unexpected and inevitable.
maybe one day, at the end of the journey..
you look at your feet, akin to Park Ji-Sung.
tattered yet beautiful.
cause this pair of feet, had weathered through storms,
had battled the horns..
finally, you will no longer fear pain, nor see it with abhorrence.
but embrace these challenges, knowing that, you WILL tide over them,
only emerging stronger.

Don't say Goodbye

omg..... this vid so made me wanna cry.
the song is amazing .
Don't say goodbye - DBSK

wow wow wow

OMG.... effiel tower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Seobang's white-purple crystals from swarovaski!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
man........ if only i was a rich girl...

Oooo Chihuahua!!

I am so gonna have a dog!!!!! Maltese/chihuahua/ and PINKY(Selina's pup) kinda dog
OMG... hahaha. i think i miss Miffin alrdy! hhaha. its my first time holding a dog and took a pic with it!! its with P.Shan now, will upload soon when i get it! (:

had a great time with my 3 girls today. FINALLY!!!!!! hahaha. really miss them so much ( aint no mountain high enough~ ) Thanks girls!!! for being part of my life and for the fun today! ^^ and YS for the really cute organizer . AND!!!! i found a Japan Subway map!!! hahaha. JUST IN TIME FOR MY TRIP!!!! KOMAWO!!! ( thanks )

AND , here are the photos ! finally, hehe, sorry for keeping u waiting (:

sigh oh sigh

hmms, exams are over! why am i still sighing?!?!
one big fat reason. the MUM. okie, it feels bad to say "the"
alright. MY mum . yes...... its after exams, BUT, the restrictions she impose on me is just as bad as exams itself. everyone would probably expect this korean fanatic to hog on videos every single free minute. BUT, my mum is super opposed with his. AHHH.
i woke up, floor already mopped, nothing for us to do anymore she said " why do you wake up and watch videos!? " what does she want me to do then? mop the floor again???
and everytime i sit down and wanna watch something , she'll call out my name again, asking me to do stuffs.
even before exams end, everyday she says: "theres no reason to not do chores after your exams anymore , true enough..... BUT!! ITS AFTER EXAMS! I SHOULD BE SITTING DOWN, RELAXED, INDULGING IN MY SWEET LIBATION!! AHHH.

grrrr, FREEDOM will come, soon. for a short span of 2 weeks, after that, i'll be working and working.......so that i'll get paid for doing work, instead of staying, getting nagged at for doing and for not doing chores. seriously, no one will know the extent of frustration till u live with her for 18 years plus. GRRRRRRRR. off to meet siong at 1pm.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEISHAN AND DOM!!!
SAENGCHUKAHAMIDAH!!!!!!!

DBSK 2008 - 2009 detailed schedule

20th November - 29th Blue Dragon Film Awards (live on KBS2) - 7.25pm
21st November - SBS Closest Friends Notes (Junsu) broadcast - 10.55pm
21st November - KBS2 Music Bank - 6.35pm
22nd November - MBC show! Music Core broadcast - 3pm
22nd November - KBS1 Love Request at - 5.10pm
22nd November - SBS Inkigayo - 3.15pm
22nd November - Junsu+Yoochun+Changmin on SBS Star King (broadcast) - 6.30pm
23rd November - Changmin+Yunho on MBC Quiz to Change the World - 5.10pm
26th November - aNation 2008 DVD release
26th November - DBSK at Asia Song Festival on FUSE TV
29th November - SM Festival in Bangkok 2008
30th November - [JAP] NHK Music Japan TVXQ Special - 3.05pm

1st December - [JAP] Music Japan filming
2nd December - EILEEN OFF TO JAPAN!!!
4th December - [JAP] Music Japan broadcast
10th December - Mnet Golden Disk Awards 2008 - 7pm
15th December - XIAH Junsu’s birthday!
16th December - EILEEN BACK TO SINGAPORE
17th December - Japanese Mirotic CD + DVD release

hahah, it seems like they're gonna be in Japan while I'm there. fingers crossed , pray hard ^^

18th January - [JAP] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Makuhari Fair Trade Event Hall)
20th January - [JAP] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Fukuoka International Centre)
21st January - [JAP] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Kobe Memorial World Hall)
25th January - [JAP] 25th Japanese Single release
26th January - HERO Jaejoong’s birthday!


A no. of things to look forward to.

NOVEMBER
TMR : OFFICIAL END OF A LEVELS + SLEEPOVER AT FAITH's!!!!!
22nd : Rotting , spring cleaning , preparation...
23rd : Shan's birthday + class outing + XIAH JUNSU's present (blanket making) at CityLink. ( which i cant go !!! *CRIES* )
24th : Job/Internship interview. Its gonna be the first interview in my life. Bringing with me some courage to battle the fear, and hopes for a new landscape for me to discover.
25th - 30th : NO PLANS at the MO. BOOK ME ASAP YEAH? =DD . Slotting in occasion trips to self grooming. blah blah blah, and some shopping trips with the girls. (: + Sentosa/Zoo waiting to be confirmed.

December
2nd to 16th in JAPAN. mysterious secret rendevous with DBSK?? =D *i wish*
17th to end - random nua-ing + occasional work here and there. + learning design techniques , prepare for portfolios and courses

January
Best thing to look forward to : POP VOCAL LESSONS!!!!!!!!
finally........ i feel closer to my dreams......
start of whatever internship i get. YUP.

i hope life gets more interesting?? Bohemenism is still my take, but due to financial constraints, hahhaha, i doubt life wld be as easy as my first 3 mths. heh. i'll devote all my time to my passion and craves, so 2009, will be driven mainly by passion and energy instead of boring mundane routines of mugging....

TADA ~ heres my life laid out, so far, so _____ . but who will know what comes in place ??? Finally, i'll be able to breathe new air!
GAMBARIMASU!

the stage, the band, the music, the lights, the sweat, the voice, the cheers, the applause....

i cant stop singing, my heart's beating in pulses alrdy......
raise your voice, raise my voice, and lets get loud....

konichiwa! counting down to Tokyo Holiday !!!!
2 Dec 08 - 16 Dec 08 , たから(so) , please refrain from texting/calling me during that period of time (:
will be on MSN here and there since i'll be staying with my cousin from 5 Dec 08
finally, a getaway..... an adventure. approximately 6 hours away from Singapore.
treading on new grounds that i've never had the chance to venture.
でも(but), A level's has yet to end, and i should really bear that in mind. hahha, already in the Holidaying/Nuaing mood. ( hm, was i ever in exam mood neway? ) YUPP. 21 DEC!!!!!!!! official liberation day..
many things to look forward to, so many things i wanna learn, wanna achieve and hope for to happen. just pray that things will work out, and dreams can be fulfilled.

DREAMS, ことができますか？
まえむき！！！！！！

SCHEDULE from 16 Nov

16th November - Mega TV Super Concert at 5.30pm
Watch it LIVE here!
- SBS Inkigayo at 9am

22nd November - SBS Star King at 6:30p – 7:30pm
25th November - 2008 Bucheon World Intangible Cultural Heritage Expo "SUPER CONCERT"
26th November - "A-nation DVD" Release
29th November - SM Festival in Bangkok 2008
30th November - NHK "Music Japan TVXQ Special @ 3:10PM


DECEMBER

4th December - NHK Music Japan
10th December - 2008 Golden Disk Awards at 7:00pm on MNet
11th December - NHK Music Japan
18th December - NHK Music Japan
20th December - lollyribena(co-author) 's birthday!


JANUARY 2009!

18th January - [Japan] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Makuhari Event Hall)
20th January - [Japan] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Fukoka Even Hall)
21st January - [Japan] Bigeast 3rd Fanmeet (Kobe World Hall)


Translated by : jae!fany@ Shinki! Forums
Source: TVXQIple Page + 将爱myyunho.com + Mr. TVXQ
Credits: tvxq_luv @Shinki!Forums + KPOP JJANG + Never End + Mr. TVXQ + unetopaze @LJ + xietinloveshero



OMG.....if they do go to the NHK station in JAPAN, it means we'll be both in JAPAN around the same time.. OMG....... pray hard for me....

MKMF AWARD WINNERS!!!

(in order of announcement)
MKMF FASHIIONISTA: Jewelry
FASHION AUCTION: TVXQ!
MOBILE POPULARITY: TVXQ!
PHOTOVIDEO?(i forgot what it was called...): Big Bang
NEW FEMALE ARTIST/GROUP: Davichi
NEW MALE ARTIST/GROUP: SHINee!
BEST BALLAD/R&B: Brown Eyes
NETIZEN POPULARITY: TVXQ!
BEST DANCE SONG: Lee Hyori
KFC BEST OST: Kim Jongook & SG Wannabe
HOUSE & ELECTRONIC: Jewelry
BEST HIP HOP: Epik High
BEST ROCK: Nell
BEST SOLO MALE SINGER: ??? sorry... i missed it...
BEST SOLO FEMALE SINGER: Lee Hyori
OVERSEAS POPULARITY AWARD: TVXQ!
BEST FEMALE GROUP: Wondergirls
BEST MALE GROUP: Big Bang T_T
BEST MUSIC VIDEO: Wondergirls (Nobody)
BEST LATEST SONG: Wondergirls (Nobody)
BEST LATEST SINGER: Big Bang T_T
BEST LATESET ALBUM: TVXQ!


devastating cause they didn't win best male group, music video and the last award that Rain was announcing, manda said its the most prestigous one.... hmmms.. kinda sad about male group, but.... given that they were away in Jap for so long... good results alrdy. Changmin cried so hard when they got the best album award, could tell they were really disappointed. SIGH. GOOD JOB still (: LOVEs LOVEs. and new hair of micky. LOL. look like the old yoochun during the YOOSU peak period. hahaha. Xiah and Jae were amazingly HOT. hhahaha.
Introducing Star friends is up, first part only, in JaeLove12's channel. JUNHO will go on the show with JUNSU! omg. twin in action......... alright, shall rub away all the grief with the new show. GAMBARIMASU!!!!

work starts on MONDAY. (:

NICE GAME TODAY!!! hahahaha, i lost so much weight luh.... hahahaha. (:

GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!

totally in awe!!!! i need to share these news!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so proud of them!!!! who else... BUT 동 방신 기 LOL. took me long enough to type those 4 words.
just let them surprise you with all their popularity and AWESOMENESS!

NOMINATED:

Disk Bonsang

Digital Bonsang

YEPP Popularity

and Daesang (selected from Bonsang Winners)

MKMF

BEST Auction Internet Popular Artist

BEST Auction Star

Mobile Popular Artist

BEST Dance Song

BEST Male Group

Song of the Year

Artist of the Year


MKMF Overseas Viewer Award

BEST TEAR For Micky Yoochun

WINNERS OF MUSIC BANK charts
#1 : MIROTIC
#2 : Love in the Ice ( Korean ver. )
(#3 : nobody by Wonder Girls )

ORICON CHARTS/MUTIZEN
#1 : Mirotic

and moreeee......

LOL. VIDEO OF THE DAY!



OMG, HIS MOVES ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT............

woohooo. okie! back to erm, hot black guy now. =|

stuck in poop

okie. i declare myself totally unprepared for the As.
another year? not worth it.
and too scary... =
just wanna get it over and done with.
dongbanged too much , tved too much. procrastinated too much..
only one thing tt i didn't do too much , STUDYING.
oohhh dearrrr....
JIAYOU. i shld try to at least concentrate for the next few hrs.
HWAITING.

김준수! 사랑해<3

FOOD AND MORE FOOD

brighter things for a change.
Oppa and Unnie brought me out.
hehe. good food brighten things up..
along with good company and good sights (:
let the pics do the talking.. hehehe.

self timer shot. poor oppa hit his leg. hahaha!

trying to steal a shot since photos aint allowed at our area

feeding me raw meat...urghh


me and hamtaro?! LOL.

Elaine and Eileen (:

the traditional jap dining table.

UNNIE! and I (:

had alot of fun with the 2 at marina square.. walked ard in attempt to find the singapore flyer. found it with not much esctasy, since we got sick of looking for it. ( quite disappointed, expected something mroe romantic.. HAHA. )... though i was a bit bright and kinda radiating heat, i manage to keep the chill with my ever paralyzed method of talking.. 24/7, come find me t o get a chill (: hahaha.

its the wrong time to get all emotional..
but can't help but feel all these.

girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name
The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is nowAnd she'll sing...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name
And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...

Miss Invisible (Marie Digby)

neverland?

someone...... bring me away...

why am i here?

a good question, i should be studying, why am i here?
another way of looking at this question.... "what the hell am i doing here, i just don't belong here.." a line from the song creep, by radiohead, if u havent heard it and don't intend to get emo, don't.
decided that i should break the rules and make an entry here.. rules are meant to be broken yo.
precisely why i havent been mugging much , too much of the " i wanna live my own way" mentality going on...
i dunno why, but i'm feeling it all over again.
it seems, or at least i myself feel, that i'm like square, trying hard to fit in a circle.
a circle where i don't belong, a circle that has its own sunshine and laughter...
irregardless of my presence, perhaps, my existence serves only to create more misery.. more troubles... and more.... awkwardness.... i dunno what more to say, since in one way or another, i dun matter......
this song's my song... fit me aptly, awkwardly and rightly....wth, don't even know what im spouting anymore.....
back to math..... back to numbing off......

"Creep"

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

GRADUATION DAY

this graduation day's pretty different. if not very much of a difference.
sad to say, i didn't feel much as compared to 4I
where i teared so much..
and we had so much fun right after grad day, girls n boys, rmb the super long captain's ball match?? and rmb the stupid things like human pyramid and "air" shots??? those days, gone forever, but those fond moments will remain, in my heart.... i miss you guys.. it was a class of 41, yet, the rule stays, one for all, all for one.. rmb the class photo session??? where u vain guys dash to the toilet to make a last hair check and got a earful instead??!... haha, that was really memorable, when the girls decided to join in the punishment as well... despite the few discrimination and unhappy events, 4I is still 4I .
(oh, and 骏, I recalled the fountain of wealth pact we made as i reminisce about the past today!)

0732, a class of less than 30, yet painfully segregated due to our diverse combinations. bonded together only by History and GP... but still, an unexpected O level cert led me to NYJC , led me into this class, so i would say, fate put us together for a reason, so lets still have each other in others in our hearts no matter what...i have made great friends in 0732 as well, really, all of you are great people, we just do not have enough time with each other to bond more. JIAYOU guys, everyone of you, even those who arent taking the As with us... despite the rising oil prices, i will not hesitate and be generous with my oil supply.. since i have loads of it. hehe. ok, i can feel the temperature going down.. back to the emotional talk, theres many friends i've made through the stay, since my first day was a very blank canvas, with Zhi Xun, Dom and Jasper being the only souls i know.. so i would say, i did a pretty good job in adapting (or not?) to the relatively different and new environment... i'm really thankful too, to the peeps in choir, the times where we practiced really hard for syf and concerts... it was afterall the first place that made me felt at home in NY, so for those memories and friends that i've made, i'm really grateful as well.
BFF Buin -
never knew i would meet someone so close to my heart....
the words i wanna say...........
i guess you wld know what. so i shall not elaborate here lest u tear by reading my blog.
LOL.

yupp. to all my beloved beloved precious friends, thanks for walking by my life, giving me the support and listening ear whenever i needed. your footprints will be left in my heart permanently, so be nice, just walk by, don't step too hard, it may hurt.... and.. MISS ME!! =DDD

with that, this will/might be the last post till i have a breather, for now, like all of the others. i'm gonna buck up, and stop watching so much vids, stop playing so much addictive games and, stop stoning....

EVERYONE LETS JIAYOU ALRIGHT?!?!!! THE LAST LAP. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!! AJA HWAITING!!!!!!!!

signing off, with loads of love.
leen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL!! =D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL!!!!!!
tried to study in school, but failed extremely terribly..
sequence of events. hist lesson --> tow huay --> went back sch to ATTEMPT to mug --> played abit of piano = noise pollution --> chomp chomp --> my place --> bball!!!! --> blogging.. --> ???
pics will come later when i'm not that lazy =DD
YAY. fellow libra, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


惯性的快乐与笑声，
让我忘了怎么表现悲伤。。
笑声越是响亮，心里震撼约大。。。
我的保护色，毫无瑕疵，
将我的哀伤，完美的掩饰。
就连泪水，仿佛都显得太强悍。
像坚强的贝壳， 每人敲得进去，
甚至连自己，都害怕心被触碰。

(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
handfull of anger, held in my chest
And everything left’s a waste of time
I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else’s more
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I can’t keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on
Never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years the fear and
Trash talking and the people it was to
And the people that started it just like you

^^^WHAT WE DID^^^

^^^WHAT WE WATCHED^^^

^^^WHERE WE WERE^^^

^^^WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING

things are the same old same, if not worse, cause even now my bro's ignoring me.
whats their problem? or whats my problem???
screw it man.
screw it.
if only 17 years and 355 days ago, i didn't make it out alive........
life wld be so much better for every one out there.
URGH.

1) the person who tagged :LESTER WONG who apparently got FORCED. HMPHS.

2) Your relationship with him/her is:Classmates , good confidante , good friend :D

3) Your five impressions of him/her:1)hmm.. muscle man! 2) ALPHA 3) emo and down sometimes ):4) complicated and complex 5) ANTI-MATH , SNAGS and DBSK ! (HMPHS)

4) The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
hmm. the above banner is done by this guy himself! claps claps.

5) The most memorable thing he/she said to you:
(A) and seeya! LOL!

6) If he/she becomes your lover you will : FAINTS AGAIN. LOL! no luh, GEMINI not as bad. BUT. its not my place (:

7) If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
LOVE DBSK MORE!!!!!!!!!

8) If he/she become your enemy, you will: don't think i'll ever have enemies luh! hahahas. i FORGIVE. but prob not forget. LOL.

9) If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be : HE KILLED DBSK.

10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is: MAKE U DO MORE MATH!!!!
hahahas. my revenge. lock you up with only math materials

11) your overall impression of him/her is : recently ... EMO. LOL. but not the emo punk kind!!!!!! u get the gist (:

12) How do you think people around you will feel about you? : refer below (:

13) The characters you love of yourself are: ( below again )

14) On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are: this gets irritating on second attempt. LOL LOOK DOWN!!! not your keyboard, but SCROLL DOWNNN

15) The most ideal person you want to be is: ...........

16) For people who cares and likes you, say something to them:
i never get tired of saying this to my friends LOVE YA!!!! (:

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you"

i don't have tt many readers ya knw.. LOL. JUST DO IT (:

TAGGED .

HERE YOU GO!! (:(:(: sorry for being so late!! haha , got flooded by your pictures on your blog that i didn't see this . AND! i still cldn't get the javascript thingy disabled, so im typing from scratch. BE GLAD OWIGHTS?!! hehee .

i was taggedd superrrrr long ago, so here it goes :

1) the person who tagged :
TAN WEI JIM

2) Your relationship with him/her is:
Ex-classmates and very good friends. LOL. feels familiar???

3) Your five impressions of him/her:
i) First impression: weird, weird and very weird
ii) don't open up to people easily , maybe that was the past? now maybe not so le ba . hah.
iii) quite bitchy. LOL!
iv) stubborn
v) emo.............

4) The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
hmmmms. listening out when i needed a ear? lol.

5) The most memorable thing he/she said to you:
WALAU... hahaha. you always said that!!!!

6) If he/she becomes your lover you will :
TAURUS!!! *FAINTS*

7) If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
be more sincere!!!!! Don't lie too much! lol.

8) If he/she become your enemy, you will:
we once were right. LOL. no, don't wanna relive those bitchy days. hahas.

9) If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be :
YOU STARTED IT FIRST!!

10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
get this tag done. LOL! after 2 reminders. finally right. haha

11) your overall impression of him/her is :
COLDDDDDDDD......./ COOL??? (refering to the pic i took of you in class. LOL.)

12) How do you think people around you will feel about you? :
weird??!! as always.... LOL. and COLDDDDDD.....

13) The characters you love of yourself are:
friendly...
helpful towards friends??...
hmmm.. this is like an A level exam question or smth. ADVANCED LEVEL. LOL

14) On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are:
WOAH. a long list to be..
yes like you, procrastination is my vice!!!
too 大喇喇
unpredictable too...
RANDOM
too-hard-to-decipher
CONFLICTED MIND
TOO emotional
OVERLY sensitive
OVERLY possesive and jealous
EXTREME lack in self confidence.
EXTREME indecisiveness
.........MANY MANY MANY MOREE......

15) The most ideal person you want to be is:
can i not be a person???? lemme be like a star up there, at least i'll be admired and get gazed at. HAHAH.

16) For people who cares and likes you, say something to them:
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!! =DD

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you"

hmmm. everyone who read this PLEASE DO IT. i'll just list the norm people den (:

1) TAN WEI JIM
2) ANGELAAAA buin
3) XINYING buin
4) LESTER
5) HONG SIEW
6) AMANDA
7) ELAINE
8) CHERYL
9) BRANSON
10) PEI SHAN

i'm gonna perform miracles!!!!!!
screw whatever's going on now.
went to friendster just now,
reminiscing abit as i looked at my past comments.
hahah, loads of eileen is lame , funny and laugh alot.
LOL. no change i guess.....still... me, on the outside....
maybe i should learn to trust more, or not.
everytime i try to warn myself, i fail again and again.
placing too much hopes, too much expectations..

well, someone there, you with my key, come soon yeah.
till then, maybe....

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

oh and when daddy uses the F word, we know hes really desperate.
" go and drink your fucking coffee!"
poor dad, hes torn both ways. sigh.

what can i do man,
it always happens.
again and again,
not like we want it,
not like we like it.
have you thought why,
we're seldom home.
and given the times that we are,
we want to leave far..

screw it , im gonna go mug and get myself a scholarship and leave .
i take my hat off daddy, seriously, and hes the only reason why we never flare up.
because its just too sad to see him suffer when he's done so much for us alrdy.
and now i hear them through the walls , about the same issues over and over again .
screw it. screw it screw it.

its just me i guess.
just look bully-able.
perhaps, i cant really blame them?
brought this upon myself??
so i guess nth much has changed?
ok maybe, i do have to admit, intentions are different now.
i dunno wht those kids had in their minds when they decide to bully eileen again.
for fun? because shes fugly and no one knows why shes among the rest?
it seems like no matter hw hard i train, hw tough i try to get,
the debris inside just allow others to break me so easily.
what should i do man, my identity , complicated enough, is coupled with my ever conflicting mind.
debris debris debris, the haunting again.

I'll be there for my friends who need me,
for a ear, for a hand, nothing more, nothing less.
once bitten twice shy, i have you to thank, in a way.
for teaching me, lessons that i need in life.
i take what i've experienced as learnings,
and to not repeat the same mistakes,
and to open up my eyes, to close up my heart a little,
to respect myself more.....

went to mug with lester at cp subway today,
and the queue was really long but the place was rather vacant today.
however, the crowd started streaming in soon,
and we knew we had to move after the staff came to ask if we were studying.
lols, i think he didn't knew how to chase us out of the place or anything.
so he started the conversation with:
" hi, are you all studying here? "
-err like duhhhh , as i looked down at our tables, spread with books, paper, pens and calculators.. thought it was pretty obvious . haha. and no, i didn't say that, cause i could tell he was trying hard through his awkward expression, poor guy. XD
" erm, yupp, we are"
" oh, so are you all gonna order any other food soon? "
- i looked down at my 1 1/2 cookies untouched and my 3 inch worth of oven roasted chicken breast hearty italian , PLUS a 3/4 filled regular barley. hmmmms, do i look like i can finish em all? hahas but i did feel bad about staying there to mug.
" i guess so? not now though."
" oh, err, do you all need 3 tables? or are there more coming? " (Something lidat)
- oh crap, yes i realised that 2 of us were taking 3 tables, but since angela was coming i didn't think about that at that time. hahas. pretty mean huh, sorry customers at subway today . XD
and so we left the place, and went around to get a new place while waiting for my buin.
and boy is cp crowded today!!!!!! the public holiday dint really do us students much good as there was a huge flow of crowd and patrons in fastfood outlets.
and sooooo, after walking around, we decided to go back to my area to look for tables under my flats. but unfortunately, they were either infested by ants, or stinky due to the garbage chute. and FINALLY, back to my place again, the sleep inducing warm home, that me and buin nua-ed the whole of yesterday after bball.
first time les went to a girl's place i think, haha, and for buin, i lost count of the number of times she came. almost like her second home alrdy =D
and wei quan nearly came over to mug together , lols.
les left in the evening to meet wq somewhere else and me and buin checked out some of royston tan's productions, they're really good, especially the film "cut", ( strongly recommended by me ) me and buin were utterly amused .
after dinner, me and buin wanted to play ball, BUT, to our dismay, when we arrived at the court, it was totally occupied by big boys in jerseys. that was a huge sign for us to back off home with our simple intentions to shoot some balls. o well, so we decided to divert our time to another sport, badminton, one that my dad LOVES A LOT. hahah, and so we went back up to exchange my bball for shuttlecocks and rackets ( i don't think that's how we spell it? but the dictionary spells it this way. hmmmm) and a new net. my dad came down to join us shortly and set up the net for us. hehes, i think i got my wife interested in badminton already. its been quite some time since i last played badminton already, but it was GREAT FUN =D smacking and smacking = firmer muscles. =DDD

alright, i shall go bathe, buin left half an hour ago. yup yup.
shall mug after bathing =D GAMBATTE! HWAITING! GA YAO!!

Here I Am

Another end, another start.
There's no beginning if there's is no end,
yup, so here I am again, starting off from where i left.
the reason, being technical faults of my live journal.
the page just wouldn't load on my side,
and many times i feel liking penning (typing) something,
the page gets stuck and after like 10 mins, i lost all senses to write/type.
たから, blogspot, again. =D

死亡

说了太多。
是为别人而说。
自己的话，都到哪儿了？
一句一句，被心中的旋涡吞咽，埋没。
被卷进了龙卷风。
忘了心语该怎么表达。

奇怪，是忘了？还是逃避？
答案很清楚，但却不想被触碰到。。
虽然说了那么多，我发现，我的表达能力真得很差。
差在不懂得怎么表达自己。

难过，悲伤。　
但原因却显得愚蠢。
因为又害怕，一再被遗忘，被丢下，被遗弃。。
所以信任。我还是不认识这个字眼。
不想接受。。　
不敢接受。。
害怕又被伤害。

我想。
这次因该够清楚了吧。
我也是时候面对了。
这样不是最完美的结局吧。。

时间，可以冲淡一切。好与坏。。。
也不该去想了吧。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
我的心，再一次，选择死亡。-----------------------------------------------------------------

紫色的旋律

为何是华文？！哈哈，被骏哥感染了。是的，我会PO多点文章的。＝Ｄ我也好久没接触华文了。谢谢你啦！把我拉回来。还有，我说骏哥啊，隐私，是不存在的。我想，连内心深处的某个角落，都不可能得到隐私。 世界上，人类，没有秘密。
深夜里的寂静，优美，凄凉。
脱离白天的吵杂，黑夜的喧哗。
深夜的宁静，不受打扰。
只听见键盘的敲打声。
打着每个字眼，
一切显得，平凡，毫无目的。
人的最终目的。不就是死亡吗？
那为何把空虚填满，而最后得到的，还是空虚呢？
而在填补那些空虚的当下，仿佛早成了更多空虚。　

哦。时间不多了。
该回到书海了。许如芸的泪海，因该是来自Ｋ书Ｋ到飚泪的灵感吧。
好的。跟大家说掰掰咯！

BACK finally

HEY!!!!!! am i missed?! bet i am! i'm so in a procrastinating mood these days...
and i'm supposed to make these 10 days worth while?! gosh! i suck!!!!
went to AMK to mug today.. the library wasnt that comfortable to talk so we shifted downstairs only with all the tables packed. so we left the library for the drive in Macs.
that place's rather cool. looks huge but the interior's actually quite small...
i think its mainly outdoor seating.... yay Jim! we have fate! hahaha.
anyways, i did something really dumb today, i waited for the friggin bus for like near half an hour, but when i stood up to go flag the bus, it just zoomed off!!!!! so i had to wait for another half an hour.. so practically an hour spent on waiting for the bus, highly frustrating! but W.Jim came along and took the same bus wimme, company for the bus ride, and some catching up, so is that considered yin huo de fu?! heh. (and sorry! seldom link pple. im quite an IT idiot. ).
supposed to finish my SGC by 4 June, econs lesson tmr. supposed to prepare essay outlines for the essay qn 2. which i dunno wht. URGH. and my mum keeps chasing me to bed!!!!!!!!! highly highly frustrating... >< my gosh. ulcers give me bad temper!!!!!
and ive been PMS-ing for ages alrdy!!!!!!
sighh... owight! shall get my SGC over and done with..yes its such a chore!!!
BYEEEE~

baday

ok.. today really started out badly..
should have known, it warned me alrdy..
pseudo is really freaky sometimes.. ><
or issit like wht mushi said? HAHA.
wow, i just laughed..
its a bad sign when you see me up here..
now tt i dun really blog...
i come here only when i need to..
and when theres a need.. its not a good thing..
yeah. ok, eileen chia, pls put on a smile and leave the room now..
u've got a long day... (quite short actually. hah)
yeahh... gotta go get my stuffs from cwp l8r too. ties in nicely for me.
aight. looking forward to tmr alrdy =D

can you feel the love tonight~

my gosh.. i feel like doing something romantic tonight! hahaha
random me have random feelings. HAHA
and i feel like screaming!!!!!
it took me like 3 days to do my gp presentation... redone it like upteen times...
problem with perfectionists.. cant say its perfect now... but i tried to not go off tangent like what i always do..
my parents are out for wedding dinner tonight!!
and my mum look super cute!!!!!! HAHAHA..
issit the radiance added on by mother's day?!? lol..
but her new haircut really make her look so cute!!! hahahah...
oh, and i have the sudden urge to cook my own dinner.. lols...
speaking of random...... i miss my wife!! HAHAHA... or hubby now?! lol! confused identities and roles.. lols...
and wifey! its unfair k! i've been man for sooo long..lols.. arent u gonna return me manly love?! LOL!! and u got too much from him alrdy!! so gimme more!! yes.. MORE!!!!
hahaa, and theres another moment of realization....
this is really random coz this matter happened soo long ago.. and only its recently that i learnt something from it... haha. [ I had eyes. but I couldn't see. the next time, I will look, with my heart. (: ]
im just talking to myself now.. just in case you pple are confused over wht im talking about.. hahaha! yeahh... can totally ignore this part...

okieee... so right now i have 3 choices : 1) go to a beach and feed myself to the mosquitos and red ants 2) go to coldstorage and get stuffs to cook. 3) stone until my bro get food for me. hahaha

hahhaa.. im feeling unsettled and jumpy.. shoo myself off before i start spouting nonsense.. lol..
BYEE XD

GO GO FIGHTING!

ate super alot today... bursting. hahah.
i think i eat alot when i'm stressed... gonna turn really fat soon.
esp when mids are coming...
hah. YAY. finally could understand something..
hypothesis testing.. even tho i feel asleep, but managed to catch up with what i missed.
yay. i understood.. finally.. the aliens went back to Mars.. human language finally.. =D
its Be Yourself Day today! my gosh.. 0730 totally rock the campus grounds today luhh. haha.
nice one guys! with the timeline thingy... heh, we dint get to do it coz we THOUGHT we handed in the form, but we dint... so yeahh.. haahaa.. but i was expecting something better from pck. hah.
had consultation with mdm sha just now... early in the morning.. >< if not i wld have gone later... my lessons starts at 11! wth right. hah
gonna redo my gp presentation for the 4th time.. the play ended. finally.. with alot of screw ups on my part.. coz i realised i forgot all about euthanasia.. lol... but dint turn out tt bad. haha! balveen n tie zheng shld be more intitmate la!!!! RAH. hahaha.
and aiyahh., feel bad to the group. hahaha. gave them shit stuffs..
neways.... i wanna swim!!!!!!!!! its been ages since i last swam...i refuse to go to a public pool. HAHA. >.<
alright. ishld get back to gp.. ( haha, what you give is not always what u get! )

JIAYOU

okayy. firstly, one thing that impacted me alot was the thing that PCK said to me
" she says your math won't make it. which means you won't pass"
i felt something bit me hard, like a piece of my flesh tearing away..
okay la, nt that bad. HAHA. anyway. plus wht my bro told me yest.
im like totally motivated to work hard! YES!!!
i will work hard!!!! hehe. JIAYOU! create optimum environment to work in..
work smart. and i will get to the top!!!!!!!!

and YAY! no more tenants! im sealing up the place.
no more intrusions, no more invasions.
yupp. till next year... and during this period of time, its gotta revamp, renovate and put on fresh coats of paints to welcome the new owner. and its gotta be a freehold space on high price.

okay. i got too metaphorical to the extent that no one understood. HAH!
alright.. jiayous with gp!!!! im gonna need more sleep! =D

take care guys!!!

long time no speak if you guys realised! hahah
its been a few days since i last blogged..
okay, not that long actually..
not very much updates tho...
life's as usual. all bout the mundane..
except that recently the pokemon bug is infused into us. hahah
our class surfaced a few trainers. =D yeap. 17/18 year old pokemon trainers. HAHAH
amusing huh.. but its quite fun actually... u just feel like walking on and on... training the pokemons to higher level, and hunting for more!!!!
gotta catch em all!
HAH, that felt ages ago..
okay.. there's choir on wed.. >< thought there'd be no more.. but still its an official wrapup,
a handover to the next batch of J1s.. yupp. hang in there!!! poor J1s. haha.
yeahh.. with TBS.. really feels like a long way to go..
im in the com lab now.. super multitasking.. pokemoning, blogging, doing my gp..
yeah, i cant really multitask esp when im on the phone..
when im on the phone i realise i will just either only able to talk to the person on the other end..
or ignore the person on the phone while doing my own stuffs. hahahaa..
yeahh.. been talking to theresa quite abit lately... its becoz of the M1 thing la.. hahaha..shes one of the M1 chat friends.. i can add one more ya knw.. so whoever's M1 customer do let me knw! hahahaa. if not its going to waste.. im only fully utilizing theresa's part. yupp
really hungry, and im PMS-ing, amanda as well.. hunger plus drowsiness and lessons dosent help. ):
HAI! gotta go have lunch... we are alllllll deaddddd XD
aight. BYEBYE!!!!!!!


=DD

CREEP

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh
She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...run...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...

OUCH

ahh, my hopes went up to the clouds and crashed down instantly when mummy said i cant go.
and i bet lynette's feeling terrible too.. sorry!!! i gave you tt glimpse of hope and threw it away.. but i do really wanna go. i really do... so after exams.. i will definitely fly over!!!

went to the airport with wifey today..
super super super packed..
we were shooed away from t3 so we took the skytrain to t2.
t2 macs was packed too.. but we managed to find a table..
and the manager just went ardchasing pple away but we dint budge
then theres this table that have been left there because some pple left their belongings there.. unattended... den the police had to come and take it away.. drama rama. lol.
den it was only after angela telling me den i realise the tables beside us were actually J1s.. no wonder the PW materials felt so familiar. yupp.. poor J1s...
yeahh.. and i had to leave early to visit my granny at TTSH.
creepy place.. i have the bad feeling in hospitals..
luckily my grandma was just doing some check, nth much is confirmed yet..
but when she said her heart felt abit congested i was feeelin rather scared..
i had a dream that i had heart problem not long ago...
so freaky... ahhhhh.. okayyy...
lemme move on....
hahaha.. yeah.. okay.. so the day pretty much comes to an end after dinner.. toured around sengkang-punggol... really dark at night.. (Esp. at punggol end. )

ahhh. and cheer up my dearest friends!!!!!
FATE won't be FATE if someone's soul is not present.. find back ur souls!!!!!!
yeahh??? JIAYOU!!!!!!! and im really proud of the 2 of you...
who have the courage to face it...
yes.. thanks im not practicing wht i preach, but do cheer up k?!?!!!!!!
and i see the 2 of ur convos flashing at me right now.. HAHAHAAA
aight.. lester's infusing his KoRn into my music bank.. hahhaaa.
and OMG.. i finally found CREEP!!!!!!!!!!
come find me if u want it k?!?!!! its really nice..
yoga from xing guang 1 sang it and got 20++ marks!!!! yes.. its tt nice..

im still confused constantly..
yehh.. OMG... YAY 11:11 . hahaha..
okayy... my train of thoughts is getting messy..
shld stopp here.. hahahaha
and... guys shld seriously beware of their language used..
yepp. BYE!

confused

been confused all the while.
but i'm really stubborn tho. hahaha!
i've kept mum for years..
so why cant i this time?? right?!
yupp. i think god is pissed off with my way of handling my own emotions alrdy.
cant blame me...
how strong can i be when i've been blown up so many times.
yupp..
neway.. busy week..
its only wed..
tmr's labour day! yay. airport. XD
friday ends late.... so dinner's postponed!!!
sat studying, tuition, chat (haha, dunno if its the right word)
yeahh.. sunday: airport again!? hah.

yes.. i think its all or nothing now...
><
hate this kinda things..
RAWWWWWHHHH

dates

tmr: mug, with alone i guess, choristers have elections.. =.=
thurs: changi airport!!! yay.
fri: four of our gathering!!!! =D long time no meet up anyways... everyone just disintegrate...
Sat: mug + tuition
Sun: MUG @ changi airport again?? =D

wow... mugging days.. >< how nice... been mathing for soooo long today
really.... im zonked.. seeing another complex no. or integration, or inequality or anything regarding math can send me to my grave...

eyes shutting alrdy.. needa get to the script..
bye peeps!!!
hahaha... and yeahh.. im kinda looking forward to friday actually.. got alot of catching up to do! LOL =D
bye peeps!!!!!

because of you

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

bad me.

aahh.. okay.. i feel so bad for not wanting him to take the same lift as me..
i mean... i dunno 'what he will do la... after all... him killing me wldnt be illegal...
he has the "rights" to... based on medical reasons i guess...
but i nearly died when i saw him at the lift....
then i took a deep breathe and run him and i kept pressing the close button..
omg.... tt was so mean.. i know its mean.. but i was really really scared...
luckily he continued to wait outside...
so i just stop breathing until i was safe inside the lift..
this is the only one time where i really want to be left alone in the lift. hahaha..
irony... in times of emergency.. i rather feel trapped. LOL.. den having something happen... ><

hahahaha.. okayy.. YAY angela!! i hugged u! lol
and so sorry kelvin! hahahaha.... ur com suck.. not my fault! lols...
but i hate to reformat coms.. so im like totally sorry about it.. yeahhh. but im not sending u emoticons!! hahaha!
neway... happy to be on track for math.. other den revision la.. but tutorials im on track..
and my econs i nearly done!! YAY!!!! more time to aud! LOL
okayyy... crap.. i think im gonna be paralysed from spamming keys...

and my dinner's nice.. daddy warmed it up for me before i reach home.. so nice.. heh!
yupp..eating my dinner now...
spamming keys later..
tralalala~ bye!!!!!!

hahahhaa.. and for one more time.. i wanna clear my name!!!!!!! i am FULLY 100 PERCENT STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!! =D

距离

有些人,你常常想念,想得几乎废寝忘食,但是,距离再近,你却不会真的走上前去触摸.只是,远远地看着她,远远地.生怕一不小心就打扰到什么,尽管,你是那样希望成为她生活中的一部分,息息相关的重要部分。
似乎你就是个梦，我眷恋得睡过了头。[ credits to theresa tan hui xin. lol ]

vivola~

hahah, vivocity just reminds me of the vivola thing everytime..
i bet all of you (choristers) feel the same way. =P
spent the day alone...
went out early in the morning..
so early tt none of the shops were open, and i had to sit down n wait while reading econs..
i was the first few in the theatre queue, its kinda cool..
but buying one tickets seemed abit odd:
" can i have a ticket for definitely, maybe at 11:15?"
"so its definitely maybe at 11:15, 3 tickets miss?"
"no, just one."
"one?!"
"yes, one."
"okayy.."
LOL... i was amused, but went to get my wallet during the 1 hour wait..
went by the bookstore, browsed some books.. went to the cute shop but it wasnt open. ><
n.. i went ti the toilet before the show, n guess what.. when i went upstairs.
i realised i left my wallet in the toilet! the new one!
den i chionged down to find it... thank god it was there la. hahah.
and soo.. i went into the theatres.. forgot i had night blindness...
so i cldnt find my seat! couldnt see anything..
i realised that everytime i step in.. i just follow blindly n sit beside my friends.hahah.
so today was kinda special...
but the thing is... it was 11:15am.. and hence..only the back row was filled..
and the worse thing is... i see couples strolling in... like i was the only kuku over there..
hahaha. but once the movie started... i just got so lost in it.. i forgot about everyone around me..
OMG..tt Will haze is HOT!!!! i found April n "Summer" hot too!!!! the movie was soooo sweet... so touching la! and the little girl was sooo cute!!!!! so thoughtful of her.. and so mature for her age... =D love little girls.. heh! great recommendation to those who haven caught this movie... its really nice =D
ahaah.. and im so gonna watch the vegas show!!!! is that guy Ashton krutcher?! looks like him.. but i cldnt figure out and theres cameron diaz!!!
the superheroes movie is a must watch!! lol... gonna catch it soon..
ahhh.. broke!
with RJ concert and band concert. im gonna be more broke, ><
after the show... i just went down to kovan macs to mug...
surprised by the rate i was doing econs.. and everything just made sense to me!!
wow right?! hahaha.. credits to kenny.. no wonder ur grades are amazing...
i wonder how pple can just do econs so easily.. and do it so well!
gahhhh... but did abit of case study today.. yay!
and tuition was quite good..
think can concentrate better alone..even though it was rather sian...
and stats rock!!!! and our sch is exempted from the questions for both tuesday n friday class =D
OMG.. i have a complaint!!! the sr people were creating a hell out of noise.. the whole macs was filled with their high pitched laughter..
i was blasting my mp3 and cld still hear them...
even the aunty was shaking her head to me.. and everyone else just kept staring at them...
yeahh... noise is alright la.. but they went abit too over..
hah. okie... i gotta go continue work...
hooked on audition recently...
just keep spaming my keyboard..
add me if u are playing!!!! ign: xOleenOx
yeahh... bye peeps!! =DD

its been ages since i last typed in chinese...
theresa's essay made me wanna write something too. hahaha.
its been a shitty week for me and her..
my earphones died.. not like i want it to..
not like i want my earphones to keep dying...
so its really no point screaming at me over earphones..
it alrdy died.. wht can i do?!! i promise i'll take more care of it this time..
had ajisen at J8 just now and mr kwek was there..
his wife is really pretty. heh
ok.this week's really really bad.. ><
tmr : theres this supposedly choir outing.. but it clashes with my tuition.
hmmm.. gonna catch a movie tmr.. alone i suppose. dun mind trying watching a movie alone..
hah. definitely, maybe or superheroes?! one emotional one really funny..
ok.. maybe i need something funny to cheer me up.. but watching a funny movie alone feels kinda sad... hahahaha.. okay. whtever....
going vivo to get my wallet also i supppose..and head down for tuition...
dun mind some time alone tmr... perhaps easier to help me sort my own thoughts out..
was very messy this week...
bad bad bad....

sunday: hmmms.. i kinda miss the airport..
dun mind going there...
and i think i might again.. need the time alone.. =X

HUAT AH

HAHAH. TODAY'S HUAT DAY!
and my moment of epiphany today??!!
i guessed i only realised it..
but abit late.. hahahaha... argh.
dun matter.. im sealing everything up with cement.
=D anyway.. grats dear!!!!!
wish u bliss anyway..
i haven got the chance to watch a movie alone...
1) superheroes movie 2) definitely maybe 3) ???

SUPERHERO MOVIE

YAY! its FINALLY OUT!!!!
gotta watch it.. its damn hilarious! hahah
and today is such a crisis day for me n theresa. hah
yeah. i guess im left with 3 choices now.
i'll take the last 2 i guess..
and i better stop the inferiority complex thing.. ><
yeahh.. i rock! and i love myself! hah

ohhh.. im damnnn tired... ><
today's a really hot day!
and my ulcers are really killing me!!!!
hurts like crap..
cant talk...

okie. gotta go do work soon.
and yay! i got DBSK's stuffs from moo!!
thanks! hah

memory?

there was one thing that Ms kwok said that impacted me alot today..
about memory, about trying to forget a part of our lives, trying to forget the traumatic experiences some had in life...
i've been searching for her recently..
facebook. friendster, blogs.. wherever..
i don't know why i'm even bothering to find out..
to see how shes doing perhaps?? to see if she's changed??
to see if shes getting on "well".... i know we were young, and naive...
but i cant help but wish that something would happen to her..
that something small.... just for vengence perhaps???
maybe something small to show her how it feels to be in my shoes..
a little revenge i wanna take..
nt too severe, afterall we were so young...
harmless as the young may look.. but the years of my growth (psychologically? ) were taunted,
and scarred.
no matter how much i tried to forgot...
the terror still flashes back now and then.....
evrey little trigger... can just pull me back to the past,
where everything was dark and haunting....
where i had no where to escape...

21APRIL08

today's concert day!!!!
=D nothing really bad happened
but it was really really short..
and i think our rehearsal was alot better..
coz of the crowd perhaps??
im really tired now...
legs, hands, feet, brain, eyes, everywhere.....
and i've still got math to do
well at least i've got no more choir...
can just mug and mug and mug..
aint tt bad i guess?! =D
JIAYOU people!!!!!
and omg... we're having a really cool history sem. =DDD

i feel ashamed to even like you.
afraid that you will find it digusted that someone like me actually liked you..
but everytime i wanna resist the temptations of talking to you,
i find it so hard that i give up...
so... sorry to you, whom i've liked. (:

locked.

i dunno me.
i've never known me.


Like many other disorders, claustrophobia can sometimes develop due to a traumatic incident in childhood.
my mum was doing my brows just now...
i dunno how long she took..
but it seemed forever..
she pressed me down in my swivel chair...
i found it hard to breathe
and after a really long time... i started breathing really heavily
and something in me.. told me i had to break free...
i kept struggling to leave the chair but she shuned my pleas, thinking that i was just impatient
until i started tearing and she received a shock..
i got a shock myself too..
i thought it was only in enclose spaces that i'll feel that way..
but i think somehow.. someone pressing me down or trapping me.
will trigger the pain as well...
yest, they closed me in the toilet again...
for fun, i was really scared..
but i tried not to show it..
i knw showing fear would only bring more pleasure and satisfaction to those who locks me up..
i don't know why my fear can bring happiness,
and i don't understand the logic..
i knw they don't mean it.
but if they really left the door and lock me in..
i will go mad.
i think thats why i need to build up my strength..
thats why i'm walking so fast,
to show that i'm not weak.
thats why i like to carry heavy things,
to show that i'm not weak.
well, but at least i have friends now..
just that i still feel locked behind the doors.
and the real me, that i've so well hidden.
that me myself, have forgotten where it is,
and how it looks like.
its and it now, because i'm not sure what form it takes.
or even, if it takes up any.

so i'll wait. for the day, where the keysmith come,
and free me from the locked door,
and i'll own that pair of keys myself,
to do be able to open it myself.

but right now, i am still locked.

walls had immediate impact on me,
i wonder how it would be,
if i didn't leave that place..
would i be like them?
if were them,
would i have alrdy grown immuned towards the pain?
where walls are too high...
and the door is locked.
and when i feel so small...
so small...
yet unable to squeeze through the empty spaces of the door...

MUSIC.FOODFORLIFE.

my eyes are gradually shutting.
very very very very tired..
slept throughout my whole bus ride.. .and i think my bag was too big..
the poor uncle had part of my bag on his lap. woops =X
neway... thank god econs is not due this coming monday..
finally.. i can relax for a sunday... but still... minimal work. nt none. heh
wanna catch definitely, maybe. or horton?!
think i'll just go watch whtever there is after studies..
im zonked out again.
today's full dress was rather fulfilling..
sounded nice...
looked quite nice..
not as bad as expected la. hahah.
and OMG.. i'm sooo in love with yin xue!!!!!
gosh.... anyone wld marry her la. HAH
and yay. i feel taller. =D the pain is all worth it.
ok la.. actually i think its not how high the heel is that caused the pain.
but more of the toes... i've gt a huge blister.
but anyway.. had a great time singing. =D yay
drama night's first night today as well...
hope they did well. hee =D
will be catching it tmr.. i dunno how..
coz my whole day is super jammed packed.
sighh.. i'll sort out a way..
college day tmr...
surprise! school song. hah =.=
okie... im officially closing my eyes..
night people!! =D
take care of ur voices pple. <3

butterflies.

whats with butterflies recently..
firstly they raid my tummy..
and now they haunt me physically..
the journey from sch to the mrt station was so embarrasing..
butterflies jumping out of no where...
and this man got a shock and frantically looking at the grass patch..
thinking i saw something very grotesque or something...
(it is btw. fluttery things)
i've been feeling fluttery and i dunno why.
okay maybe i do. =/
maybe im just trying to convince myself that is not..
but escapism sometimes don't solve everything??
god has pranked me enough..
enough of heartaches?
is he going to return me all the bliss that he hid away from me for so long?
or had he forgotten to add it in to my life?
haha. talking to wifey just now made me recap all of it again.. ><

and my tummy is churning.. >< hungry i suppose..
my appetite grew smaller... cant finish food now..
counting down the days to drama nite, to concert, and to stepping down...
im gonna mug hard every single day aft concert.
i'll make sure the missing of england trip will be worth it.
it gives us motivation either way...
demoralizing but drives me on..
to show that i'm not dumb...
and that i've fully utilized the week they spent there.
im gonna work extra hard for the fun they have over there...
yes... and i will fly to places after my As proudly...
yupp. lyn sis, if u're reading this.. i may wanna fly over for a few weeks..
=D but u gotta teach me jap tt is.. heh.

okie.. my room is in a mess... ><
gotta continue packing.. =DD
and my tummy's growling...
roarrrr!!!
bye!

zonked

like wht the heading suggest. yes. im totally zonked out.
today was a jammed packed day...
few more days toconcert..
and i realise i forgot to learn festival gloria!!
omg.. i was just free styling just now...
tmr first period econs,
im so dead.
im alrdy dead..
and dying again early in the morning tmr.
yawns... im really really tired..
ok.. appealing to all people!!
pls come for the nyjc choir concert!!!!!!!
pls do support.. =D

tiring but at least not a bad day..
even tho toh kinda spoiled it...
yawns...
-.-ZzzzZZZZzzz
im really transforming into a panda soon..
huge eyebags n dark eye rings.

*why is everything coming to me all of a sudden?? moment of "epiphany" today??? nt really.. it dint lead to anything positive.. just another event in my life.. >< if you dun understand this part.. i can totally knw hw u feel. coz i dun even knw wht im typing. BAHH.
k. BYE BASTARDS!!! off to debastardize for a moment.

BAD DAY

hah, don't ask me why.
today's just bad.
feel zonked and carrying around a "souless soul" (familar eh?)
had "choir" today.. yes inverted commas, coz we dint do anything..
i was just pata pon-ing in the music room..
my eyes are sooo tired...
and im sooo tired..
and my nose is itching...
someones talking bad about me... ><
yawns... i still have heaps to do..
sighh.. bad day!!!!!
k. zonking off... BYE!

stoney.

econs make me feel stoney.
dun feel like moving my hand at all..
and my paper's still as blank as ever..
hahah, just came back from a round of shopping for concert stuffs.
bought my pants. ( i like it =D ) hides all the fats. HAHAH
and the lady actually gave me and theresa the "aww so sweet , she has big bucks look"
lol! utterly wrong imagery. i think its just the height.. tsk!
saw the trailer for "superhero movie" hahahha.. i think its a must watch..
damn funny... LOL... and i think my tummy is growling... ><
i'm almost done with memorizing the scores... yayness
finished the glass menagerie
left with 4 econs essays.
yawns...
thinking of work makes me sleep..
aight... gotta go nua abit before i do work. lol

mood : mild.
song of the day: White Love Story - As One =D
line of the day: AHhhhhhhh, i wanna quit school

choir...

choir day today...
super long day.......
was supposed to have sectionals at 1045, but ended up we started at 11 plus..
i went to school at 9 anyway. HAH.
did one paragraph of glass menagerie and tts about all..
hahaha. talked to my wife alot today.. =D
and im confused as ever. XD
and i've gotta go get my heels and my pants tmr! and finish up the essays.
busy busy busy...
and hes not helping at all la!
intimidating and screamings may work...
but it suck!!!! pressured by fear...
and fear driven progress is quite torturing..
but we did improve.. alot rather..
and i had a hard time being gu-niang...
HAHAH! shld try to be more gentle from now...
21st century sports woman! hahaha.. just now was so paiseh.. i called "auntie, UNCLE" LOL!
so embarrassing!! lol....
okie.. gotta go chiong essays!
see ya peeps. =D
get tickets from me pls!! =DD loves loves..

NYGT! SYNERGY

omg.. so many talented pple ard..
first and foremost.. grats to lester and tedson!!! and the rest of the CO pple..
i think half of the population can sing la! hahaha...
i dun care.. im gonna go learn from the experts... =P
i felt dumb just now..
whts my talent?!
good for nothing.. >< again.
i think ive been on this issue for a pretty long time...
the i-am-nothing issue.
nothingness... i think i'll do better in Lear than Othello. LOL
omg... the blindfolded pianists were damn good!!!!!!! RJ and Phu trinh ? cant spoil ur name!! hahaa. sorry!!! =D hidden talent!!! shld have just played Glory Of Love for us..
the magic show was damn cool... he reminds me of cleby i dunnno why. LOL
and... and.... the stanley guy?! omg.. his voice is damn good!!!!!
and so are the rest of the singers...
nat totally melted me just now!! the 2nd song.. on the brink of tears...
Lesty has fans alrdy! hahaha... but they are really WOW-ers up there la...
sighh... i cant do anything!!!!!! ok maybe just sing.. like WOW.... singing is no big D... ><
PW results is back... its a C... ok la... given that my presentation was really really screwed up...
so nothing much to complain about...

im really tired... have like 6 essays to do.... and theres a long day of choir tmr.. gonna miss 2 weeks of tuition for choir... arghhh... and just had some argument with my mum...
sighhh...
all sorts of emotions gushing over...
and im still guessing..
its a cycle..
and i think i will give up soon...