stuck in poop

okie. i declare myself totally unprepared for the As.
another year? not worth it.
and too scary... =
just wanna get it over and done with.
dongbanged too much , tved too much. procrastinated too much..
only one thing tt i didn't do too much , STUDYING.
oohhh dearrrr....
JIAYOU. i shld try to at least concentrate for the next few hrs.
HWAITING.

김준수! 사랑해<3

FOOD AND MORE FOOD

brighter things for a change.
Oppa and Unnie brought me out.
hehe. good food brighten things up..
along with good company and good sights (:
let the pics do the talking.. hehehe.

self timer shot. poor oppa hit his leg. hahaha!

trying to steal a shot since photos aint allowed at our area

feeding me raw meat...urghh


me and hamtaro?! LOL.

Elaine and Eileen (:

the traditional jap dining table.

UNNIE! and I (:

had alot of fun with the 2 at marina square.. walked ard in attempt to find the singapore flyer. found it with not much esctasy, since we got sick of looking for it. ( quite disappointed, expected something mroe romantic.. HAHA. )... though i was a bit bright and kinda radiating heat, i manage to keep the chill with my ever paralyzed method of talking.. 24/7, come find me t o get a chill (: hahaha.

its the wrong time to get all emotional..
but can't help but feel all these.

girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name
The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is nowAnd she'll sing...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name
And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...

Miss Invisible (Marie Digby)

neverland?

someone...... bring me away...

why am i here?

a good question, i should be studying, why am i here?
another way of looking at this question.... "what the hell am i doing here, i just don't belong here.." a line from the song creep, by radiohead, if u havent heard it and don't intend to get emo, don't.
decided that i should break the rules and make an entry here.. rules are meant to be broken yo.
precisely why i havent been mugging much , too much of the " i wanna live my own way" mentality going on...
i dunno why, but i'm feeling it all over again.
it seems, or at least i myself feel, that i'm like square, trying hard to fit in a circle.
a circle where i don't belong, a circle that has its own sunshine and laughter...
irregardless of my presence, perhaps, my existence serves only to create more misery.. more troubles... and more.... awkwardness.... i dunno what more to say, since in one way or another, i dun matter......
this song's my song... fit me aptly, awkwardly and rightly....wth, don't even know what im spouting anymore.....
back to math..... back to numbing off......

"Creep"

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

GRADUATION DAY

this graduation day's pretty different. if not very much of a difference.
sad to say, i didn't feel much as compared to 4I
where i teared so much..
and we had so much fun right after grad day, girls n boys, rmb the super long captain's ball match?? and rmb the stupid things like human pyramid and "air" shots??? those days, gone forever, but those fond moments will remain, in my heart.... i miss you guys.. it was a class of 41, yet, the rule stays, one for all, all for one.. rmb the class photo session??? where u vain guys dash to the toilet to make a last hair check and got a earful instead??!... haha, that was really memorable, when the girls decided to join in the punishment as well... despite the few discrimination and unhappy events, 4I is still 4I .
(oh, and 骏, I recalled the fountain of wealth pact we made as i reminisce about the past today!)

0732, a class of less than 30, yet painfully segregated due to our diverse combinations. bonded together only by History and GP... but still, an unexpected O level cert led me to NYJC , led me into this class, so i would say, fate put us together for a reason, so lets still have each other in others in our hearts no matter what...i have made great friends in 0732 as well, really, all of you are great people, we just do not have enough time with each other to bond more. JIAYOU guys, everyone of you, even those who arent taking the As with us... despite the rising oil prices, i will not hesitate and be generous with my oil supply.. since i have loads of it. hehe. ok, i can feel the temperature going down.. back to the emotional talk, theres many friends i've made through the stay, since my first day was a very blank canvas, with Zhi Xun, Dom and Jasper being the only souls i know.. so i would say, i did a pretty good job in adapting (or not?) to the relatively different and new environment... i'm really thankful too, to the peeps in choir, the times where we practiced really hard for syf and concerts... it was afterall the first place that made me felt at home in NY, so for those memories and friends that i've made, i'm really grateful as well.
BFF Buin -
never knew i would meet someone so close to my heart....
the words i wanna say...........
i guess you wld know what. so i shall not elaborate here lest u tear by reading my blog.
LOL.

yupp. to all my beloved beloved precious friends, thanks for walking by my life, giving me the support and listening ear whenever i needed. your footprints will be left in my heart permanently, so be nice, just walk by, don't step too hard, it may hurt.... and.. MISS ME!! =DDD

with that, this will/might be the last post till i have a breather, for now, like all of the others. i'm gonna buck up, and stop watching so much vids, stop playing so much addictive games and, stop stoning....

EVERYONE LETS JIAYOU ALRIGHT?!?!!! THE LAST LAP. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!! AJA HWAITING!!!!!!!!

signing off, with loads of love.
leen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL!! =D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL!!!!!!
tried to study in school, but failed extremely terribly..
sequence of events. hist lesson --> tow huay --> went back sch to ATTEMPT to mug --> played abit of piano = noise pollution --> chomp chomp --> my place --> bball!!!! --> blogging.. --> ???
pics will come later when i'm not that lazy =DD
YAY. fellow libra, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


惯性的快乐与笑声，
让我忘了怎么表现悲伤。。
笑声越是响亮，心里震撼约大。。。
我的保护色，毫无瑕疵，
将我的哀伤，完美的掩饰。
就连泪水，仿佛都显得太强悍。
像坚强的贝壳， 每人敲得进去，
甚至连自己，都害怕心被触碰。

(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
handfull of anger, held in my chest
And everything left’s a waste of time
I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else’s more
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I can’t keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on
Never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years the fear and
Trash talking and the people it was to
And the people that started it just like you

^^^WHAT WE DID^^^

^^^WHAT WE WATCHED^^^

^^^WHERE WE WERE^^^

^^^WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING

things are the same old same, if not worse, cause even now my bro's ignoring me.
whats their problem? or whats my problem???
screw it man.
screw it.
if only 17 years and 355 days ago, i didn't make it out alive........
life wld be so much better for every one out there.
URGH.

1) the person who tagged :LESTER WONG who apparently got FORCED. HMPHS.

2) Your relationship with him/her is:Classmates , good confidante , good friend :D

3) Your five impressions of him/her:1)hmm.. muscle man! 2) ALPHA 3) emo and down sometimes ):4) complicated and complex 5) ANTI-MATH , SNAGS and DBSK ! (HMPHS)

4) The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
hmm. the above banner is done by this guy himself! claps claps.

5) The most memorable thing he/she said to you:
(A) and seeya! LOL!

6) If he/she becomes your lover you will : FAINTS AGAIN. LOL! no luh, GEMINI not as bad. BUT. its not my place (:

7) If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
LOVE DBSK MORE!!!!!!!!!

8) If he/she become your enemy, you will: don't think i'll ever have enemies luh! hahahas. i FORGIVE. but prob not forget. LOL.

9) If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be : HE KILLED DBSK.

10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is: MAKE U DO MORE MATH!!!!
hahahas. my revenge. lock you up with only math materials

11) your overall impression of him/her is : recently ... EMO. LOL. but not the emo punk kind!!!!!! u get the gist (:

12) How do you think people around you will feel about you? : refer below (:

13) The characters you love of yourself are: ( below again )

14) On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are: this gets irritating on second attempt. LOL LOOK DOWN!!! not your keyboard, but SCROLL DOWNNN

15) The most ideal person you want to be is: ...........

16) For people who cares and likes you, say something to them:
i never get tired of saying this to my friends LOVE YA!!!! (:

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you"

i don't have tt many readers ya knw.. LOL. JUST DO IT (:

TAGGED .

HERE YOU GO!! (:(:(: sorry for being so late!! haha , got flooded by your pictures on your blog that i didn't see this . AND! i still cldn't get the javascript thingy disabled, so im typing from scratch. BE GLAD OWIGHTS?!! hehee .

i was taggedd superrrrr long ago, so here it goes :

1) the person who tagged :
TAN WEI JIM

2) Your relationship with him/her is:
Ex-classmates and very good friends. LOL. feels familiar???

3) Your five impressions of him/her:
i) First impression: weird, weird and very weird
ii) don't open up to people easily , maybe that was the past? now maybe not so le ba . hah.
iii) quite bitchy. LOL!
iv) stubborn
v) emo.............

4) The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
hmmmms. listening out when i needed a ear? lol.

5) The most memorable thing he/she said to you:
WALAU... hahaha. you always said that!!!!

6) If he/she becomes your lover you will :
TAURUS!!! *FAINTS*

7) If he/she become your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
be more sincere!!!!! Don't lie too much! lol.

8) If he/she become your enemy, you will:
we once were right. LOL. no, don't wanna relive those bitchy days. hahas.

9) If he/she became your enemy, the reason will be :
YOU STARTED IT FIRST!!

10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
get this tag done. LOL! after 2 reminders. finally right. haha

11) your overall impression of him/her is :
COLDDDDDDDD......./ COOL??? (refering to the pic i took of you in class. LOL.)

12) How do you think people around you will feel about you? :
weird??!! as always.... LOL. and COLDDDDDD.....

13) The characters you love of yourself are:
friendly...
helpful towards friends??...
hmmm.. this is like an A level exam question or smth. ADVANCED LEVEL. LOL

14) On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are:
WOAH. a long list to be..
yes like you, procrastination is my vice!!!
too 大喇喇
unpredictable too...
RANDOM
too-hard-to-decipher
CONFLICTED MIND
TOO emotional
OVERLY sensitive
OVERLY possesive and jealous
EXTREME lack in self confidence.
EXTREME indecisiveness
.........MANY MANY MANY MOREE......

15) The most ideal person you want to be is:
can i not be a person???? lemme be like a star up there, at least i'll be admired and get gazed at. HAHAH.

16) For people who cares and likes you, say something to them:
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!! =DD

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you"

hmmm. everyone who read this PLEASE DO IT. i'll just list the norm people den (:

1) TAN WEI JIM
2) ANGELAAAA buin
3) XINYING buin
4) LESTER
5) HONG SIEW
6) AMANDA
7) ELAINE
8) CHERYL
9) BRANSON
10) PEI SHAN

i'm gonna perform miracles!!!!!!
screw whatever's going on now.
went to friendster just now,
reminiscing abit as i looked at my past comments.
hahah, loads of eileen is lame , funny and laugh alot.
LOL. no change i guess.....still... me, on the outside....
maybe i should learn to trust more, or not.
everytime i try to warn myself, i fail again and again.
placing too much hopes, too much expectations..

well, someone there, you with my key, come soon yeah.
till then, maybe....

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

oh and when daddy uses the F word, we know hes really desperate.
" go and drink your fucking coffee!"
poor dad, hes torn both ways. sigh.

what can i do man,
it always happens.
again and again,
not like we want it,
not like we like it.
have you thought why,
we're seldom home.
and given the times that we are,
we want to leave far..

screw it , im gonna go mug and get myself a scholarship and leave .
i take my hat off daddy, seriously, and hes the only reason why we never flare up.
because its just too sad to see him suffer when he's done so much for us alrdy.
and now i hear them through the walls , about the same issues over and over again .
screw it. screw it screw it.

its just me i guess.
just look bully-able.
perhaps, i cant really blame them?
brought this upon myself??
so i guess nth much has changed?
ok maybe, i do have to admit, intentions are different now.
i dunno wht those kids had in their minds when they decide to bully eileen again.
for fun? because shes fugly and no one knows why shes among the rest?
it seems like no matter hw hard i train, hw tough i try to get,
the debris inside just allow others to break me so easily.
what should i do man, my identity , complicated enough, is coupled with my ever conflicting mind.
debris debris debris, the haunting again.

I'll be there for my friends who need me,
for a ear, for a hand, nothing more, nothing less.
once bitten twice shy, i have you to thank, in a way.
for teaching me, lessons that i need in life.
i take what i've experienced as learnings,
and to not repeat the same mistakes,
and to open up my eyes, to close up my heart a little,
to respect myself more.....

went to mug with lester at cp subway today,
and the queue was really long but the place was rather vacant today.
however, the crowd started streaming in soon,
and we knew we had to move after the staff came to ask if we were studying.
lols, i think he didn't knew how to chase us out of the place or anything.
so he started the conversation with:
" hi, are you all studying here? "
-err like duhhhh , as i looked down at our tables, spread with books, paper, pens and calculators.. thought it was pretty obvious . haha. and no, i didn't say that, cause i could tell he was trying hard through his awkward expression, poor guy. XD
" erm, yupp, we are"
" oh, so are you all gonna order any other food soon? "
- i looked down at my 1 1/2 cookies untouched and my 3 inch worth of oven roasted chicken breast hearty italian , PLUS a 3/4 filled regular barley. hmmmms, do i look like i can finish em all? hahas but i did feel bad about staying there to mug.
" i guess so? not now though."
" oh, err, do you all need 3 tables? or are there more coming? " (Something lidat)
- oh crap, yes i realised that 2 of us were taking 3 tables, but since angela was coming i didn't think about that at that time. hahas. pretty mean huh, sorry customers at subway today . XD
and so we left the place, and went around to get a new place while waiting for my buin.
and boy is cp crowded today!!!!!! the public holiday dint really do us students much good as there was a huge flow of crowd and patrons in fastfood outlets.
and sooooo, after walking around, we decided to go back to my area to look for tables under my flats. but unfortunately, they were either infested by ants, or stinky due to the garbage chute. and FINALLY, back to my place again, the sleep inducing warm home, that me and buin nua-ed the whole of yesterday after bball.
first time les went to a girl's place i think, haha, and for buin, i lost count of the number of times she came. almost like her second home alrdy =D
and wei quan nearly came over to mug together , lols.
les left in the evening to meet wq somewhere else and me and buin checked out some of royston tan's productions, they're really good, especially the film "cut", ( strongly recommended by me ) me and buin were utterly amused .
after dinner, me and buin wanted to play ball, BUT, to our dismay, when we arrived at the court, it was totally occupied by big boys in jerseys. that was a huge sign for us to back off home with our simple intentions to shoot some balls. o well, so we decided to divert our time to another sport, badminton, one that my dad LOVES A LOT. hahah, and so we went back up to exchange my bball for shuttlecocks and rackets ( i don't think that's how we spell it? but the dictionary spells it this way. hmmmm) and a new net. my dad came down to join us shortly and set up the net for us. hehes, i think i got my wife interested in badminton already. its been quite some time since i last played badminton already, but it was GREAT FUN =D smacking and smacking = firmer muscles. =DDD

alright, i shall go bathe, buin left half an hour ago. yup yup.
shall mug after bathing =D GAMBATTE! HWAITING! GA YAO!!

Here I Am

Another end, another start.
There's no beginning if there's is no end,
yup, so here I am again, starting off from where i left.
the reason, being technical faults of my live journal.
the page just wouldn't load on my side,
and many times i feel liking penning (typing) something,
the page gets stuck and after like 10 mins, i lost all senses to write/type.
たから, blogspot, again. =D