sighh... i thought my post exam sickness curse has gone away.
but it never fails to pounce on me again.
sighhhh.... tmr ktv-ing.. how how how?!!??!
damn sian when ur whole nasal passage is clogged up. and feeling hot in the face, breathing hot air...and cold the rest of the body....
aight... shld post my journey today for orienteering on another day..
bye guys!!!
and dun fall sick.... =D
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
slackerz
hey peeps!! =D today aint so bad after all..
cancelled the optician thing and went home to sleep.. after all its like damn rush...
sighh,.... canceled my date with my mum. hahaha.
anyway.. sorta looking forward to the sports carnival thing.
and PILLOWMAN. =D and my mumma's birthday.
another round of singing..
omg.. im really hooked on singing now.. hahhaa
i hear music in me! lol... music is my food.
poor neighbours...i will prolly receive a warning letter soon.
or they will put me in IMH or smth... quite near my place somemore. hAH!
had a rotter's life today, but had tuition so not soo bad...
omg... Jin Zi Cong really damn nice la!! hahahaa...
i want a guy like him too! hahaha.
O well, if u describe men and women as magnets... men will prolly be the north.. and out of all the south females.. im the only north one...
repelling those guys away...
HAHA. ok, i really have weird metaphors running in my head..
aight! gotta go sleep!!
tata pple!!
LOVES..
MWAHH
cancelled the optician thing and went home to sleep.. after all its like damn rush...
sighh,.... canceled my date with my mum. hahaha.
anyway.. sorta looking forward to the sports carnival thing.
and PILLOWMAN. =D and my mumma's birthday.
another round of singing..
omg.. im really hooked on singing now.. hahhaa
i hear music in me! lol... music is my food.
poor neighbours...i will prolly receive a warning letter soon.
or they will put me in IMH or smth... quite near my place somemore. hAH!
had a rotter's life today, but had tuition so not soo bad...
omg... Jin Zi Cong really damn nice la!! hahahaa...
i want a guy like him too! hahaha.
O well, if u describe men and women as magnets... men will prolly be the north.. and out of all the south females.. im the only north one...
repelling those guys away...
HAHA. ok, i really have weird metaphors running in my head..
aight! gotta go sleep!!
tata pple!!
LOVES..
MWAHH
Thursday, March 27, 2008
happiness, short lived.
papers ended today. yay.
but my phone passes on bad news to me.
choir tmr. sectionals.
right after blocks.
wow.
ok, i knw the concert's coming up and we shldnt complain.
but argghhh... plans for the whole day have been made. morning till night.
all planned.. and i still have to go out with my mamma tmr after the optician.
and wht? tuition!? wth.
watching Hooping Dulcinea, aka 鬥牛要不要
well, i shldnt be so grouchy..
but choir's really becoming a chore..
and i lost my voice from today's singing...
had fun with the girls today tho. =D
well, happiness are often short lived.
ok, shld look forward to choir tmr.
i'll try to.
but my phone passes on bad news to me.
choir tmr. sectionals.
right after blocks.
wow.
ok, i knw the concert's coming up and we shldnt complain.
but argghhh... plans for the whole day have been made. morning till night.
all planned.. and i still have to go out with my mamma tmr after the optician.
and wht? tuition!? wth.
watching Hooping Dulcinea, aka 鬥牛要不要
well, i shldnt be so grouchy..
but choir's really becoming a chore..
and i lost my voice from today's singing...
had fun with the girls today tho. =D
well, happiness are often short lived.
ok, shld look forward to choir tmr.
i'll try to.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Past Midnight ( memory)
sorry if there are mistakes. this is purely from my memory. hee
Past Midnight
i turn the light on to see if i am still there
the bulb creeps to life, resentful
at being roused to work. the dreary repertoire
which a discordant band went through a dozen times
during a neighbour's funeral, is stomping in my head.
i hum a classical tune, summon
the words of a sentimental song to expel the stubborn band.
the blaring trumpets cut them down in a single blow
life is perpetual unrest in
the house estates. the endless knockings,
the endless stampeding feet, the endless hurricanes of bad temper.
the eternal television, the thrashing of bodies.
and the endless rituals of life and death.
where is the point of stillness
mature art directs us to?
my mind veers crazily,
i turn of the light,
the bulb goes on burning inside.
yup, all from my memory. not bad a go. HAHA. love this poem.
beautiful solitude. =D
aight. getting back to JJ. not the SPOP guy duhh... the LPOP guy. haha!
Past Midnight
i turn the light on to see if i am still there
the bulb creeps to life, resentful
at being roused to work. the dreary repertoire
which a discordant band went through a dozen times
during a neighbour's funeral, is stomping in my head.
i hum a classical tune, summon
the words of a sentimental song to expel the stubborn band.
the blaring trumpets cut them down in a single blow
life is perpetual unrest in
the house estates. the endless knockings,
the endless stampeding feet, the endless hurricanes of bad temper.
the eternal television, the thrashing of bodies.
and the endless rituals of life and death.
where is the point of stillness
mature art directs us to?
my mind veers crazily,
i turn of the light,
the bulb goes on burning inside.
yup, all from my memory. not bad a go. HAHA. love this poem.
beautiful solitude. =D
aight. getting back to JJ. not the SPOP guy duhh... the LPOP guy. haha!
Last day of mugging for some time. at least.
Was studying at the library today again, with lester.
piles of books at our table, printed copies as well.
literature becomes a drag when you have examinations.
when theres a time limit and an exam scope.
damn the examinations.
damn the system.
damn!
I was just sitting at the same spot today and saw this quite cute guy. perhaps a tall version of ***
(hahaha. sorry bout the *** ) Oh well, he felt like a nice guy. HAH.
i was stoning and just looked at him while stoning, and i think he sorta realised that im "looking" at him. Right, amusing things happens between strangers. hahah
ok, i've got no idea why i'm still here. And since this is merely a textbox, i don't think it can, in any way, shoo me off this page.. argh, tmr's paper will be total thrash.
In the very first place, we have got no idea what kind of questions will be out to kill us, and we have not in much ways practiced for these 2 books, let alone an identity paper. what the hell is that? My England trip is so not my dream come true. its a say-bye-bye-to-me thing now. RAHHHHHHH. london bridge is falling down falling down falling down.....
ok, that was random, but thats me, welcome to my life. yerh. HAH
watched jeff duhman. omg, he totally rock my world!!
his humour and everything... the thing is... hes talking to himself!! which amuses me alot.. LOL..
i will post some vids of him up here soon. and trust me, ur sides will ache too.
aight. gotta go. yawns.
hate this.
BYE!
piles of books at our table, printed copies as well.
literature becomes a drag when you have examinations.
when theres a time limit and an exam scope.
damn the examinations.
damn the system.
damn!
I was just sitting at the same spot today and saw this quite cute guy. perhaps a tall version of ***
(hahaha. sorry bout the *** ) Oh well, he felt like a nice guy. HAH.
i was stoning and just looked at him while stoning, and i think he sorta realised that im "looking" at him. Right, amusing things happens between strangers. hahah
ok, i've got no idea why i'm still here. And since this is merely a textbox, i don't think it can, in any way, shoo me off this page.. argh, tmr's paper will be total thrash.
In the very first place, we have got no idea what kind of questions will be out to kill us, and we have not in much ways practiced for these 2 books, let alone an identity paper. what the hell is that? My England trip is so not my dream come true. its a say-bye-bye-to-me thing now. RAHHHHHHH. london bridge is falling down falling down falling down.....
ok, that was random, but thats me, welcome to my life. yerh. HAH
watched jeff duhman. omg, he totally rock my world!!
his humour and everything... the thing is... hes talking to himself!! which amuses me alot.. LOL..
i will post some vids of him up here soon. and trust me, ur sides will ache too.
aight. gotta go. yawns.
hate this.
BYE!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
the story starts today...
The smell of cinnamon feeds the hungry nostrils.
The self, curious and inquisitive, yearning to learn everything there is..
The bubbling curosity peeks in more,
as she remain in wait for the one, day by day, the youthful lass search in vain,
for that right moment, for that right feelings, for that right man.
For the love, that she has yet to comprehend.
it remains a mystery, an ambiguous word in her dictionary.
the definition not yet discovered and felt.
she creates her make-believe-world.
trying to find the happiness in her own famous-happy-ends.
the girl turns hungry for it,
when she sees her friends. one by one, all well fed.
may not be the right kind of food.
sometimes it tastes nice, sometimes it tastes bad,
giving you occasional tummyaches.
the girl cringed and winced as she feels her tummy growled,
and the heart, just being pieced back into one, chorusing in the growls.
its gone tired yearning, tired waiting for the right food to come..
assured with the one-in-this-world safety health label..
the label, with her name on it.
she breathe the air of caffine,
so tantalizing, so enticing, so inspiring.
the smell of art, the coffeebeans appear exotic to her.
something alluring and mysterious about it.
the poems she has on hand sets her into more thinking.
each white hair determines a new set of troubles and thoughts
The sudden rush of melancholy silences her usual humour.
even though the poems are simply just examinable syllabus,
her emotions brimmed from the literary writings on life, on the sufferings on the other side of the world.
sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side..
she felt she took the very steps of the pilgrim and feeling the gloom loom.
she heaves a few sighs, just staring at the tourists who had just arrived.
hearing mixtures of japanese, cantonese....
The last paper's on thursday.
finally the break will come soon.
this expedition seemed never ending.
and this station, for a whole 2 years. seemed the most strenous among all
many times, she break.
the flaws and the mistakes.. keeps the tears brimming in the endless pit,
her tears never dries.
as she stumble into the myriad of thoughts about India,
a foreign voice penetrated through the string on thoughts...
she turned and sees an English couple.
they took an interest with what she was doing and strike up a conversation
they seemed to be in their late 50s, early 60s.
but despite their age, they look as fit as a fiddle.
their bond were inseparable, but when her husband left the table,
she said that it was good to have sometime alone when you have been together with someone for so long.. 33 years she said.. that you can make decisions without being obliged to compromise with the other..
its a form of freedom that couples will sacrifice..
they travel together at times, alone at times...
she watches in envy at the old blissful couple.
the lady shared loads of things.
some that even inspired her..
like doing what we want and like to do,
instead of doing what we have to.
As she munches on the McSpicy she grabs in her long fingers,
her face turns red (duh, its McSPICY for goodness sake.) she feels her entire nasal passage clogging up.
her hammocks containing some water now..
she can't take spiciness, not so much, yet.
putting down the half eaten lunch,
she left her seat.
the mirror shows how red her face was
the chilling water ran from the tap, through her fingers.
she looked up again.
she sees ME
The self, curious and inquisitive, yearning to learn everything there is..
The bubbling curosity peeks in more,
as she remain in wait for the one, day by day, the youthful lass search in vain,
for that right moment, for that right feelings, for that right man.
For the love, that she has yet to comprehend.
it remains a mystery, an ambiguous word in her dictionary.
the definition not yet discovered and felt.
she creates her make-believe-world.
trying to find the happiness in her own famous-happy-ends.
the girl turns hungry for it,
when she sees her friends. one by one, all well fed.
may not be the right kind of food.
sometimes it tastes nice, sometimes it tastes bad,
giving you occasional tummyaches.
the girl cringed and winced as she feels her tummy growled,
and the heart, just being pieced back into one, chorusing in the growls.
its gone tired yearning, tired waiting for the right food to come..
assured with the one-in-this-world safety health label..
the label, with her name on it.
she breathe the air of caffine,
so tantalizing, so enticing, so inspiring.
the smell of art, the coffeebeans appear exotic to her.
something alluring and mysterious about it.
the poems she has on hand sets her into more thinking.
each white hair determines a new set of troubles and thoughts
The sudden rush of melancholy silences her usual humour.
even though the poems are simply just examinable syllabus,
her emotions brimmed from the literary writings on life, on the sufferings on the other side of the world.
sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side..
she felt she took the very steps of the pilgrim and feeling the gloom loom.
she heaves a few sighs, just staring at the tourists who had just arrived.
hearing mixtures of japanese, cantonese....
The last paper's on thursday.
finally the break will come soon.
this expedition seemed never ending.
and this station, for a whole 2 years. seemed the most strenous among all
many times, she break.
the flaws and the mistakes.. keeps the tears brimming in the endless pit,
her tears never dries.
as she stumble into the myriad of thoughts about India,
a foreign voice penetrated through the string on thoughts...
she turned and sees an English couple.
they took an interest with what she was doing and strike up a conversation
they seemed to be in their late 50s, early 60s.
but despite their age, they look as fit as a fiddle.
their bond were inseparable, but when her husband left the table,
she said that it was good to have sometime alone when you have been together with someone for so long.. 33 years she said.. that you can make decisions without being obliged to compromise with the other..
its a form of freedom that couples will sacrifice..
they travel together at times, alone at times...
she watches in envy at the old blissful couple.
the lady shared loads of things.
some that even inspired her..
like doing what we want and like to do,
instead of doing what we have to.
As she munches on the McSpicy she grabs in her long fingers,
her face turns red (duh, its McSPICY for goodness sake.) she feels her entire nasal passage clogging up.
her hammocks containing some water now..
she can't take spiciness, not so much, yet.
putting down the half eaten lunch,
she left her seat.
the mirror shows how red her face was
the chilling water ran from the tap, through her fingers.
she looked up again.
she sees ME
Monday, March 24, 2008
rubiks cube
in progress...
i think im really slow with this.
hahaha. the videos seemed idiot proof..
but with me around...
ahahahaha.. the statement will fail. LOL
i think im really slow with this.
hahaha. the videos seemed idiot proof..
but with me around...
ahahahaha.. the statement will fail. LOL
Sunday, March 23, 2008
the tragic emptiness
its late, i know.
the later the night delves into its hearts
the deeper my hole sinks.
engulfing all the darkness..
burrowing into the endless pit.
reading shakespeare's tragedy aint such a nice thing to do.
no, it definitely won't fill up the emptiness
pls ignore the quotes below, just wanna practice. HAHAHA. we cant bring the book in. sighh.
this verse here, serves some form of irony to me.
it is supposedly, a profession of love.
a bold thing to do infront of the senates.
but yet, within the boldness..
in her words, surfaces and highlights the nature of subservience.
so afterall, the adventurous spirit is not so after all.
my noble father
I do perceived a divided duty:
To you, i am bound for life and education;
My life and education both do learn me
How to respect you. You are lord of all my duty
I am in hitherto you daughter. But here's my husband;
and so much duty as my mother showed
To you, preferring you before her father,
So much i challenge that i profess
Due to the moor my lord
(1.3.178-87)
the profession of love being one thing, and having a repetition of "duty" for 3 times accentuates her acceptance of the subservient role mandated even by the consensual, companionate marital model.
quotes of love:
desdemona to othello--
I saw Othellows visage in his mind
And to his honours and his valiant parts
Did I my soul and fortunes consecrate
(1.3.248 - 50)
on money : ( the first and the last lines )
That thou, Iago, who hast had my purse (1.1.2)
and seize upon the fortunes of the Moor (5.2.363)
the first one, being Iago using Roderigo's money.
so we can see how scheming Iago is from the start
and we can see from the second one, that despite the Moor having suicide and dead.
his fortunes are taken away.
is this a representation of another issue on race. of him being a Moor??
are you people bored??
confused?
yeah, i am too.
hahaha, sometimes its just too controversial and too many ideas jumbled up.
such that having one quote for one meaning would actually mean the other.
end up, i just contradict myself.
to think or not to think, thats my question.
the later the night delves into its hearts
the deeper my hole sinks.
engulfing all the darkness..
burrowing into the endless pit.
reading shakespeare's tragedy aint such a nice thing to do.
no, it definitely won't fill up the emptiness
pls ignore the quotes below, just wanna practice. HAHAHA. we cant bring the book in. sighh.
this verse here, serves some form of irony to me.
it is supposedly, a profession of love.
a bold thing to do infront of the senates.
but yet, within the boldness..
in her words, surfaces and highlights the nature of subservience.
so afterall, the adventurous spirit is not so after all.
my noble father
I do perceived a divided duty:
To you, i am bound for life and education;
My life and education both do learn me
How to respect you. You are lord of all my duty
I am in hitherto you daughter. But here's my husband;
and so much duty as my mother showed
To you, preferring you before her father,
So much i challenge that i profess
Due to the moor my lord
(1.3.178-87)
the profession of love being one thing, and having a repetition of "duty" for 3 times accentuates her acceptance of the subservient role mandated even by the consensual, companionate marital model.
quotes of love:
desdemona to othello--
I saw Othellows visage in his mind
And to his honours and his valiant parts
Did I my soul and fortunes consecrate
(1.3.248 - 50)
on money : ( the first and the last lines )
That thou, Iago, who hast had my purse (1.1.2)
and seize upon the fortunes of the Moor (5.2.363)
the first one, being Iago using Roderigo's money.
so we can see how scheming Iago is from the start
and we can see from the second one, that despite the Moor having suicide and dead.
his fortunes are taken away.
is this a representation of another issue on race. of him being a Moor??
are you people bored??
confused?
yeah, i am too.
hahaha, sometimes its just too controversial and too many ideas jumbled up.
such that having one quote for one meaning would actually mean the other.
end up, i just contradict myself.
to think or not to think, thats my question.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
shelved up
OMG..... recently im so insecured..
i may just be left on the shelf!!!!!
i don't have too many years to spare..!!
and with time flying and him still not in sight!!
gosh gosh gosh...
i don't wanna be like Li-Ann.
don't even have her own kid!
ahahha. im thinking too much
maybe i shld have just gone for those blind dates..
lol!
okay.. u guys may think im insane for thinking about this at the age of 17+++
but seriously times flies..
i may just blog 5 years later with the same thing!!!
plus my so-manly-me character.
i think i will be shelved up.
collecting dust and cobwebs
rahhhhhh
aight.. bless my friends who are absorbing happiness like spongebob.
i'll be like patrick and try to get abit from them. hahahaha
lit is making me insane..
no fear shakespeare.
have fear eileen!
LOL
i may just be left on the shelf!!!!!
i don't have too many years to spare..!!
and with time flying and him still not in sight!!
gosh gosh gosh...
i don't wanna be like Li-Ann.
don't even have her own kid!
ahahha. im thinking too much
maybe i shld have just gone for those blind dates..
lol!
okay.. u guys may think im insane for thinking about this at the age of 17+++
but seriously times flies..
i may just blog 5 years later with the same thing!!!
plus my so-manly-me character.
i think i will be shelved up.
collecting dust and cobwebs
rahhhhhh
aight.. bless my friends who are absorbing happiness like spongebob.
i'll be like patrick and try to get abit from them. hahahaha
lit is making me insane..
no fear shakespeare.
have fear eileen!
LOL
Friday, March 21, 2008
The Leap Years ( again? )
not again, this time round's the movie.
lovely music, beautiful plot, amazing setting.
how breath taking singapore can look.
everything about it is simply BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you Dr. Catherine Lim, for coming with such an intriguing plot.
touching right into our hearts and souls.
thanks to the producer and the music director and everyone involved for the great show put up.
really, it gave me a huge impact.
the lines from William shakespeare, oscar wilde, and even einstein...
all mean so much.... ( they have to after all.. )
but these, are simply reminders to us.
to stop and think about life.
think about how much we've missed
how much we are trying to avoid.
and yet ending up with the same ending.
so, moral of story. face it. accept fate, even though if it comes right smack on your face. don't hide. don't run.....
haha. the whole idea is sooooooooo very beautiful...
and the songs are melting me...
finally, corrine may is heard.
such a good voice and yet so little coverage in singapore..
not many knows her..
i hope people do love her music after watching the movie..
im so getting the OST..
i wanna go up to the OCBC tower to throw airplanes too... i'll bring a whole suit case as well....
and let the wind tell you how much i missed you.
the you i've never met.
but always been somewhere in my world,
just that we are all to busy to meet.
so i let the wind blow u my desires.
my burning desire for you,
whom i have known for so long,
yet not know who you are..
omgawd... im drifting off to the metaphysical again.. hahaahha
something so intangible..
so unpractical.
so wrong in this pragmatic society.
who cares, this is MY WORLD.
MY OWN WORLD.
lovely music, beautiful plot, amazing setting.
how breath taking singapore can look.
everything about it is simply BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you Dr. Catherine Lim, for coming with such an intriguing plot.
touching right into our hearts and souls.
thanks to the producer and the music director and everyone involved for the great show put up.
really, it gave me a huge impact.
the lines from William shakespeare, oscar wilde, and even einstein...
all mean so much.... ( they have to after all.. )
but these, are simply reminders to us.
to stop and think about life.
think about how much we've missed
how much we are trying to avoid.
and yet ending up with the same ending.
so, moral of story. face it. accept fate, even though if it comes right smack on your face. don't hide. don't run.....
haha. the whole idea is sooooooooo very beautiful...
and the songs are melting me...
finally, corrine may is heard.
such a good voice and yet so little coverage in singapore..
not many knows her..
i hope people do love her music after watching the movie..
im so getting the OST..
i wanna go up to the OCBC tower to throw airplanes too... i'll bring a whole suit case as well....
and let the wind tell you how much i missed you.
the you i've never met.
but always been somewhere in my world,
just that we are all to busy to meet.
so i let the wind blow u my desires.
my burning desire for you,
whom i have known for so long,
yet not know who you are..
omgawd... im drifting off to the metaphysical again.. hahaahha
something so intangible..
so unpractical.
so wrong in this pragmatic society.
who cares, this is MY WORLD.
MY OWN WORLD.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
其實很愛你
其實很愛你( 偶像劇 屋頂上的綠寶石 主題曲 )
張韶涵作詞：黃漢青 ( F.I.R ) 桃子
作曲：黃漢青 ( F.I.R ) 編曲：林於賢
離開 不會太悲傷有些
心情該釋放直到
眼淚它自己落下才發現騙不了自己其實很愛你
現在 學著去遺忘躲開
有你的地方回憶
被誰放在書架上把它從最高的地方
落下感動越是深刻
寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕
像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由
挽留現在
學著去遺忘躲開
有你的地方回憶
被誰放在書架上把它從最高的地方
落下感動越是深刻 寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由 挽留感動越是深刻
寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕
像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由 挽留
張韶涵作詞：黃漢青 ( F.I.R ) 桃子
作曲：黃漢青 ( F.I.R ) 編曲：林於賢
離開 不會太悲傷有些
心情該釋放直到
眼淚它自己落下才發現騙不了自己其實很愛你
現在 學著去遺忘躲開
有你的地方回憶
被誰放在書架上把它從最高的地方
落下感動越是深刻
寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕
像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由
挽留現在
學著去遺忘躲開
有你的地方回憶
被誰放在書架上把它從最高的地方
落下感動越是深刻 寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由 挽留感動越是深刻
寂寞就越傷人
OH ~每個人的心裡都會有一段傷痕
像白紙的天真
反覆被你傷的好深相愛不需要理由
離開也沒有理由 挽留
LOST
its not a good sign when im frequently up here.
because this means that i need a getaway.
who is Eileen?
what is she like?
lame? weird/eccentric?/short?/retarded?/foolish?/childish?
to some... i'm able to handle stuffs, able to talk sense into some, able to provide advice and assurance.
but i feel i'm lacking the power to assure,
because somehow i cant persuade myself that i will be fine in this world as well..
i like to be there for my friends.
but sometimes. its hard......
the feeling unexplanatory, and even unknown.
despite all the pilosophies of life i've vommited out...
despite all the flowery perceptions of mine...
i'm not what i say.
ok... im really drained. emotionally this time..
i need a fall back. just a firm shoulder to be there for me.
a smile i can think of when my day needs some light.
a warming embrace to dry the tears away.
to send the shivers away.
bringing my smiles back again.
an authentic smile.
someone to find my identity back.
to remove the layers of wall
and free me and my soul.
because this means that i need a getaway.
who is Eileen?
what is she like?
lame? weird/eccentric?/short?/retarded?/foolish?/childish?
to some... i'm able to handle stuffs, able to talk sense into some, able to provide advice and assurance.
but i feel i'm lacking the power to assure,
because somehow i cant persuade myself that i will be fine in this world as well..
i like to be there for my friends.
but sometimes. its hard......
the feeling unexplanatory, and even unknown.
despite all the pilosophies of life i've vommited out...
despite all the flowery perceptions of mine...
i'm not what i say.
ok... im really drained. emotionally this time..
i need a fall back. just a firm shoulder to be there for me.
a smile i can think of when my day needs some light.
a warming embrace to dry the tears away.
to send the shivers away.
bringing my smiles back again.
an authentic smile.
someone to find my identity back.
to remove the layers of wall
and free me and my soul.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
interrogation room
heyya whoever's reading this.
its "Past Midnight"
shall share the poem by Boey Kim Cheng here...
Past Midnight
I turn the light on to see if i am still there
the bulb creeps to life, resentful
at being roused to work. The dreary repertoire
which a discordant band went through a dozen times
during a neighbour's funeral, is stomping
in my head. I hum a classical tune, summon
the words of a sentimental song
to expel the stubborn band. The blaring trumpets
cut them down with a single blow
Life is perpetual unrest
inthe housing estates. the endless knockings
the stampeding feet, the hurricanes of bad temper,
the eternal television, the thrashing bodies,
the endless rituals of life and death
where is the point of stillness
mature art directs us to?
my mind veers crazily.
i turn the light off.
the bulb goes on burning inside.
this poem gave me alot of images.
the reason im posting it up here...
is the coincidence of having a wake at the void deck
however, it is not producing much sounds,
could be due to my aircon, i do not know.
the of past midnight gives me alot of thoughts..
the interrogation room.
dark, cold and still.
with that shining lamp, the burning bulb in my head.
interrogating my very own thoughts.
questioning and questioning.
forcing every single cell to strip naked.
to be true, to be seen through...
the lamp shining, the bulb burning.
the night shunning, the darkness encircling..
so still on the outside, but the bulb burns,
sending the flames leapin' movin' within'
yet it remain still. on the outside..
so cold on the outside, but the bulb burns,
setting the soul on fire.
leavin' me in a pile.
pile of soot in the hood.
till its end, it remained in the hood.
hidden, and faceless.
thats how the night goes,
like the interrogation room.
its "Past Midnight"
shall share the poem by Boey Kim Cheng here...
Past Midnight
I turn the light on to see if i am still there
the bulb creeps to life, resentful
at being roused to work. The dreary repertoire
which a discordant band went through a dozen times
during a neighbour's funeral, is stomping
in my head. I hum a classical tune, summon
the words of a sentimental song
to expel the stubborn band. The blaring trumpets
cut them down with a single blow
Life is perpetual unrest
inthe housing estates. the endless knockings
the stampeding feet, the hurricanes of bad temper,
the eternal television, the thrashing bodies,
the endless rituals of life and death
where is the point of stillness
mature art directs us to?
my mind veers crazily.
i turn the light off.
the bulb goes on burning inside.
this poem gave me alot of images.
the reason im posting it up here...
is the coincidence of having a wake at the void deck
however, it is not producing much sounds,
could be due to my aircon, i do not know.
the of past midnight gives me alot of thoughts..
the interrogation room.
dark, cold and still.
with that shining lamp, the burning bulb in my head.
interrogating my very own thoughts.
questioning and questioning.
forcing every single cell to strip naked.
to be true, to be seen through...
the lamp shining, the bulb burning.
the night shunning, the darkness encircling..
so still on the outside, but the bulb burns,
sending the flames leapin' movin' within'
yet it remain still. on the outside..
so cold on the outside, but the bulb burns,
setting the soul on fire.
leavin' me in a pile.
pile of soot in the hood.
till its end, it remained in the hood.
hidden, and faceless.
thats how the night goes,
like the interrogation room.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
T3
Bonjour!!
taking a break to print math stuff and rot..
been doing nth the whole day...
except eating and sleeping and tv..
hahaha, forgot about block test suddenly...
and tt felt good..
=X
been looking for the mock paper for the whole hour..
they shld just have huge labels and neon signs to link us there la!
such an impt thing yet hidden in such a secluded place. ahhaha
issit just me??
anyway... been mugging at T3 macs...
totally rocks.... nice ambience,
it feels "out of the world"
beautiful alieniation i wld say.
at least to me it is..
POPEYE'S was DAMN NICE...
the food rocks.. and not to forget the cartoon which i haven watched in ages
i rmb i cried watching it. hahaha... coz popeye nearly wasnt in time to save Olive from that terrible monster. hahaha.
anyway.... jiayou for those who are chionging as well..
yupp!!
and i so want to clear my name... prank msges are initiated and sent by faith yang. ( i was of no involvement, other seeing my phone being violated )
yes. i want back my name, my identity.
i'm coming clean..
taking a break to print math stuff and rot..
been doing nth the whole day...
except eating and sleeping and tv..
hahaha, forgot about block test suddenly...
and tt felt good..
=X
been looking for the mock paper for the whole hour..
they shld just have huge labels and neon signs to link us there la!
such an impt thing yet hidden in such a secluded place. ahhaha
issit just me??
anyway... been mugging at T3 macs...
totally rocks.... nice ambience,
it feels "out of the world"
beautiful alieniation i wld say.
at least to me it is..
POPEYE'S was DAMN NICE...
the food rocks.. and not to forget the cartoon which i haven watched in ages
i rmb i cried watching it. hahaha... coz popeye nearly wasnt in time to save Olive from that terrible monster. hahaha.
anyway.... jiayou for those who are chionging as well..
yupp!!
and i so want to clear my name... prank msges are initiated and sent by faith yang. ( i was of no involvement, other seeing my phone being violated )
yes. i want back my name, my identity.
i'm coming clean..
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Leap of Love
Finished the leap of love today, the movie was adapted from Catherine Lim's novella.
one of the best love novels I've read, one closest to my heart at the moment.
our prospect towards love, irritatingly romantic and idealistic.
like her (Li-Ann) , i have to fall in love with LOVE before i can fall in love with a HIM
when would he appear? i would know with a certainty of the heart that surpassed any understanding by the mind, inferior organ by far, in the eternal human quest. i would know when place and person came together in the moment of Love's epiphany. The road to Love's Damascus had is blinding lights too: she would be dazzled for one moment then get up, rub her eyes and come face to face with the promised presence waiting at the end of the road.
now, none claimed any part of my heart. a heart rich and abundant, ready for the claiming and the claimant stood somewhere along the path. Fate will lead me. At some point, Fate ever a gentle benign presence, would stop, bend down and whisper. " That's HIM ", that point, will be the closure of a chapter of ardent search and opening the next one of joyous meeting, discovery, fulfilment, and love.
Fate being an amazing thing, comes swiftly and swoop past before you know it.
i believe in fate, not just between lovers but also friends, family and even strangers.
strangers are just friends whom you yet to know, yet to understand, yet to love.
i believe in the seemingly childish and perhaps even lame belief, that someone somewhere out there is thinking of you when you coincidentally sees the time "11:11" it sounds dumb, but that belief gives me surprise, gives me that short- lasting , perhaps a 3 seconds worth of happiness and love. Afterall, if it is a belief that brings happiness and a smile, so why not believe in something though silly, gives you joy.
this random thought just came into my mind when i was walking from the school to the station, where do people bury responsibility and guilt?
is there a pit for it?
why do some find it so hard to shove it away, to take a break and not feel guilt, to step into a train and not be guilty and worried taking a seat that someone else might need it more than me, or to have to help not because it does you good ( sometimes you hurt urself in the course of helping) yet, feels a need to, because of the obligations, and the guilt that comes along if you do not give out your hand. whereas some can just push the responsibilities and not feel anything?
i could just walk on the streets and feel bad when i see an old person carrying something heavy and i feel the need to help, yet helpless when i see how withdrawn they are. i step into the train and not dare to sit even when theres empty seats, afraid that someone comes, in a need of a place to seat. the guilt and all, happening every single moment. so "pip-ish", yet so me. sighhhh... if only, i can find the pit, i'll dump half the guilt, half my "busy-bodiness" , half of my sensitivity...
hahaha, but the main thing i wanna blog about was about the leap of love la... its just so romantic, so heart wrenching, so sweet it makes u wanna fall in love immediately. yehhhh, i feel like falling in love all over again...... >< sighhs....
as i waste the night in sighs......... i picture you in my mind.. the eyes... so mysterious, pulling me to you... then again, pulls back to reality. =.=
MUSIC AT THE MO:
1) Hardest Thing - 98 Degrees
2) Someones Watching over me - Hilary Duff
3) Beautiful - Christina
4) Until i find you again - Richard Marx
5) Wu Ding ( Rooftop?!) - Jay Chou and Landy
6) This I swear - Nick Lachey =DDDD
7) reflection - Coco Lee's rendition of it. =D
8) Nobody's home - Avril Lavigne
one of the best love novels I've read, one closest to my heart at the moment.
our prospect towards love, irritatingly romantic and idealistic.
like her (Li-Ann) , i have to fall in love with LOVE before i can fall in love with a HIM
when would he appear? i would know with a certainty of the heart that surpassed any understanding by the mind, inferior organ by far, in the eternal human quest. i would know when place and person came together in the moment of Love's epiphany. The road to Love's Damascus had is blinding lights too: she would be dazzled for one moment then get up, rub her eyes and come face to face with the promised presence waiting at the end of the road.
now, none claimed any part of my heart. a heart rich and abundant, ready for the claiming and the claimant stood somewhere along the path. Fate will lead me. At some point, Fate ever a gentle benign presence, would stop, bend down and whisper. " That's HIM ", that point, will be the closure of a chapter of ardent search and opening the next one of joyous meeting, discovery, fulfilment, and love.
Fate being an amazing thing, comes swiftly and swoop past before you know it.
i believe in fate, not just between lovers but also friends, family and even strangers.
strangers are just friends whom you yet to know, yet to understand, yet to love.
i believe in the seemingly childish and perhaps even lame belief, that someone somewhere out there is thinking of you when you coincidentally sees the time "11:11" it sounds dumb, but that belief gives me surprise, gives me that short- lasting , perhaps a 3 seconds worth of happiness and love. Afterall, if it is a belief that brings happiness and a smile, so why not believe in something though silly, gives you joy.
this random thought just came into my mind when i was walking from the school to the station, where do people bury responsibility and guilt?
is there a pit for it?
why do some find it so hard to shove it away, to take a break and not feel guilt, to step into a train and not be guilty and worried taking a seat that someone else might need it more than me, or to have to help not because it does you good ( sometimes you hurt urself in the course of helping) yet, feels a need to, because of the obligations, and the guilt that comes along if you do not give out your hand. whereas some can just push the responsibilities and not feel anything?
i could just walk on the streets and feel bad when i see an old person carrying something heavy and i feel the need to help, yet helpless when i see how withdrawn they are. i step into the train and not dare to sit even when theres empty seats, afraid that someone comes, in a need of a place to seat. the guilt and all, happening every single moment. so "pip-ish", yet so me. sighhhh... if only, i can find the pit, i'll dump half the guilt, half my "busy-bodiness" , half of my sensitivity...
hahaha, but the main thing i wanna blog about was about the leap of love la... its just so romantic, so heart wrenching, so sweet it makes u wanna fall in love immediately. yehhhh, i feel like falling in love all over again...... >< sighhs....
as i waste the night in sighs......... i picture you in my mind.. the eyes... so mysterious, pulling me to you... then again, pulls back to reality. =.=
MUSIC AT THE MO:
1) Hardest Thing - 98 Degrees
2) Someones Watching over me - Hilary Duff
3) Beautiful - Christina
4) Until i find you again - Richard Marx
5) Wu Ding ( Rooftop?!) - Jay Chou and Landy
6) This I swear - Nick Lachey =DDDD
7) reflection - Coco Lee's rendition of it. =D
8) Nobody's home - Avril Lavigne
Thursday, March 6, 2008
| - EILEEN |
modulus don't work for me.
went for the well being rep meeting today.
the role play thing and the situation...
feels really like me after getting back my econs paper everytime
and i think the counsellors methods will really make things worse la..
whts with... " i knw how it feels.. NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS. IT WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE SAYING THAT. "
haha, and thinking about it made me close to tears at the point of time
been really tired and sick recently..
both physically and emotionally..
and whatever that is...
i feel like i really need the peace and quiet in my thundering mind
need some kind of solace and solitude.
some time to really space out and just clear the loads in my heart and mind
and my water bill been really high..
i guess my water tap's faulty...
needa plumber..
needa tailor, to sew back the wounds.
needa surgeon to put up the plaster smiles
need an architect to build up the walls that crumbled.
need a LIFESAVER, to save my life from the drowning waters
need a BREAK.
im faulty. spoilt and malfunctioned
went for the well being rep meeting today.
the role play thing and the situation...
feels really like me after getting back my econs paper everytime
and i think the counsellors methods will really make things worse la..
whts with... " i knw how it feels.. NO ONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS. IT WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE SAYING THAT. "
haha, and thinking about it made me close to tears at the point of time
been really tired and sick recently..
both physically and emotionally..
and whatever that is...
i feel like i really need the peace and quiet in my thundering mind
need some kind of solace and solitude.
some time to really space out and just clear the loads in my heart and mind
and my water bill been really high..
i guess my water tap's faulty...
needa plumber..
needa tailor, to sew back the wounds.
needa surgeon to put up the plaster smiles
need an architect to build up the walls that crumbled.
need a LIFESAVER, to save my life from the drowning waters
need a BREAK.
im faulty. spoilt and malfunctioned
a song. for the unloved
"Song For The Unloved"
Hey..This one is for the mothers
Who've lost a child
This one is for the gypsies
Who left their hearts behind
This is for the strangers
Sleeping in my heart
Take what they want
And leave while it's still dark
[Bridge]
No one is glamourouslyLonely,
all by themselves
[Chorus]This is a song for the unloved
This is a music for one last cry
This is a prayer that tomorrow will help me leave the past behind
It's a song for the unloved (the unloved)
This one's for the bridesmaid
Never the bride
This one's for the dreamers
Who locked their faith inside
This is for the widows
Who think there's only one
The dying fathers that never told their sons
No one is glamourously, lonelyFollow your heart
[Chorus repeat]
Ohh Tomorrow the sun will shine
And dry the tears in your eyes
Suddenly love comes alive
For one last cryJust one last cry
[Chorus repeat x2]
Hey..This one is for the mothers
Who've lost a child
This one is for the gypsies
Who left their hearts behind
This is for the strangers
Sleeping in my heart
Take what they want
And leave while it's still dark
[Bridge]
No one is glamourouslyLonely,
all by themselves
[Chorus]This is a song for the unloved
This is a music for one last cry
This is a prayer that tomorrow will help me leave the past behind
It's a song for the unloved (the unloved)
This one's for the bridesmaid
Never the bride
This one's for the dreamers
Who locked their faith inside
This is for the widows
Who think there's only one
The dying fathers that never told their sons
No one is glamourously, lonelyFollow your heart
[Chorus repeat]
Ohh Tomorrow the sun will shine
And dry the tears in your eyes
Suddenly love comes alive
For one last cryJust one last cry
[Chorus repeat x2]
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
moment of ephiphany
when will my revelation come?
where i find my answers to the many questions and doubts.
hungry for answers, hungry for realization.
i wonder why my puny brain works so differently from others,
not faster, but much much slower.. retardation, i often call it. some name it blureness, whichever way you want it.. im just S-L-O-W.
nice record i broke today, first time in my whole entire life where my econs test didn't rank last.
( i always did. never fail to not.. ) not something to be proud of. but i'm a little glad.. just a little, i made that really milli nano "improvement", "its just one mark, you're as bad" she said. used to it...shes also used to the "dumb-script = dumb grades " kinda thing for me, so she didnt even bother to ask me what happen... yupp. but none prolly know how it feels, coz sometimes i don't get the feelin myself. i think my posts are always so dark and depressing... sorry ><
i know readers prolly have that " cmon, i know how u feel and u are not dumb.." kinda expression and thought in them already, but seriously, don't say you understand how it feels to anyone, because, its really hard or rather impossible to really feel the same way as the subjected person. its really not the same, because we are who we are, and no one can replace anything about who we are... its our IDENTITY. (wow, am i doing too much literature? - i think i did. hah)
literature is an amazing subject. and mrs teo really really enlighten us. ( as quoted from faith) but i do agree strongly as well. that half an hour is really so productive, so much more than the prev hour of lesson. HAHA. woops. everyone knows who or what i'm talking about.. but i really don't wanna be that direct ( no offense )
the week's been really stressing and hectic.. with what? so far 3 choir practices alrdy?! (Mon, tues and wed. ) wow right... and guess where we find time??? hahaha, nawhhh... its hiding well, just can't find it.. TIME!! where are you?!.... aight.. i know i know.. the time im squandering on blogging... but aint it a release, a stress reliever, so that i can unload some of it and walk off with lighter weights on my shoulders?
was talking to mx just now... been ages since i talked to her like that.. and about guys.. wow.. leen talks about guys now. hahahaa. sorry, just that i'm talking so much on girls that people really will question my sexual orientation. FYI. yes im 100% straight. as straight as parallel lines.. hetero. normal and very sane. just a little prejudiced against man, and constant stereotyping. woops. sorry to the guys out there. hah. school work took such a toll on me that i actually forgotten everything about bgf and stuffs.. leaving me with no time to think about anyone,.. and when someone ask.. do you even eyecandy any guys... it was hard for me to cough out an answer... hahah! sorry not that im saying no one looks good or im in any position to s ay anything ( ok, i look abit less than fuggly but near there. ) ->> notice... the intensity of ugliness is decreasing... dr/dt) hahaha. no pun intended. aight.. back ta the topic.. yeahh.. im just rather numb...............towards L-O-V-E.
ok... ive been getting on for long........... and all of you are prolly really really bored and dozing off.. (that is if anyone is reading.. ) i desperately want $$$$.. oh oh!! great great news! i'm going for Pillowman!!! yayness la!!! finally... i've been wanting to watch since forever...its gonna be great.... so.. pls pple get the tixs if u havent. it rocks totally =D ... i keep digressing..my train of consciousness is really like stephen dedalus... sama sama.. LOL... as i was sayingg... i needed $$$$ to shop!!!! hah. i wanna go for a kinno spree... getting all the books on hot shelves... getting nice notebooks. ( i really like them. for their everything.. i never get bored of them ) i need a new wallet. a cardigan ( not for u dom!) , and many many many other stuffs.... >< and i've been spending all my money on food!!! dammit..... growing horizontally.. i feel like a compressed can of food. hahaha! weird imagery and metaphor. ignore me...
ok.. ive been rambling on for god knows why ( and i don't )...... making nonsensical statements and im just typing weird stuffs.. freaking the hell out of my friends.. yes.. this is stil eileen.. no one kidnapped her... no worries ( even tho u guys may want it to happen O.O ) hahhaah.
ok... i think u get wht i mean...so... gotta go zonk off to my bed alrdy...
nightey nights pple!!
loads of <3
MWAHH
CIAO!!
where i find my answers to the many questions and doubts.
hungry for answers, hungry for realization.
i wonder why my puny brain works so differently from others,
not faster, but much much slower.. retardation, i often call it. some name it blureness, whichever way you want it.. im just S-L-O-W.
nice record i broke today, first time in my whole entire life where my econs test didn't rank last.
( i always did. never fail to not.. ) not something to be proud of. but i'm a little glad.. just a little, i made that really milli nano "improvement", "its just one mark, you're as bad" she said. used to it...shes also used to the "dumb-script = dumb grades " kinda thing for me, so she didnt even bother to ask me what happen... yupp. but none prolly know how it feels, coz sometimes i don't get the feelin myself. i think my posts are always so dark and depressing... sorry ><
i know readers prolly have that " cmon, i know how u feel and u are not dumb.." kinda expression and thought in them already, but seriously, don't say you understand how it feels to anyone, because, its really hard or rather impossible to really feel the same way as the subjected person. its really not the same, because we are who we are, and no one can replace anything about who we are... its our IDENTITY. (wow, am i doing too much literature? - i think i did. hah)
literature is an amazing subject. and mrs teo really really enlighten us. ( as quoted from faith) but i do agree strongly as well. that half an hour is really so productive, so much more than the prev hour of lesson. HAHA. woops. everyone knows who or what i'm talking about.. but i really don't wanna be that direct ( no offense )
the week's been really stressing and hectic.. with what? so far 3 choir practices alrdy?! (Mon, tues and wed. ) wow right... and guess where we find time??? hahaha, nawhhh... its hiding well, just can't find it.. TIME!! where are you?!.... aight.. i know i know.. the time im squandering on blogging... but aint it a release, a stress reliever, so that i can unload some of it and walk off with lighter weights on my shoulders?
was talking to mx just now... been ages since i talked to her like that.. and about guys.. wow.. leen talks about guys now. hahahaa. sorry, just that i'm talking so much on girls that people really will question my sexual orientation. FYI. yes im 100% straight. as straight as parallel lines.. hetero. normal and very sane. just a little prejudiced against man, and constant stereotyping. woops. sorry to the guys out there. hah. school work took such a toll on me that i actually forgotten everything about bgf and stuffs.. leaving me with no time to think about anyone,.. and when someone ask.. do you even eyecandy any guys... it was hard for me to cough out an answer... hahah! sorry not that im saying no one looks good or im in any position to s ay anything ( ok, i look abit less than fuggly but near there. ) ->> notice... the intensity of ugliness is decreasing... dr/dt) hahaha. no pun intended. aight.. back ta the topic.. yeahh.. im just rather numb...............towards L-O-V-E.
ok... ive been getting on for long........... and all of you are prolly really really bored and dozing off.. (that is if anyone is reading.. ) i desperately want $$$$.. oh oh!! great great news! i'm going for Pillowman!!! yayness la!!! finally... i've been wanting to watch since forever...its gonna be great.... so.. pls pple get the tixs if u havent. it rocks totally =D ... i keep digressing..my train of consciousness is really like stephen dedalus... sama sama.. LOL... as i was sayingg... i needed $$$$ to shop!!!! hah. i wanna go for a kinno spree... getting all the books on hot shelves... getting nice notebooks. ( i really like them. for their everything.. i never get bored of them ) i need a new wallet. a cardigan ( not for u dom!) , and many many many other stuffs.... >< and i've been spending all my money on food!!! dammit..... growing horizontally.. i feel like a compressed can of food. hahaha! weird imagery and metaphor. ignore me...
ok.. ive been rambling on for god knows why ( and i don't )...... making nonsensical statements and im just typing weird stuffs.. freaking the hell out of my friends.. yes.. this is stil eileen.. no one kidnapped her... no worries ( even tho u guys may want it to happen O.O ) hahhaah.
ok... i think u get wht i mean...so... gotta go zonk off to my bed alrdy...
nightey nights pple!!
loads of <3
MWAHH
CIAO!!
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