tired. but motivated!

its meet the parents today!!!
this is very different from my sec sch la...
coz in sec sch... PTC ( parent teacher conference) was under council's duty..
but this is like... own time own target sign up sheet thingy.. haahah.. yeahh
well... was quite nervous about it coz my grades suck and who knws wht pck will say..
given he is abit... you knw.. in our class.. hahaa..rather bimbotic and such.. haha..
but ended up was quite ok.. and my dad's quite "interactive".. LOL

I love the Lit room!!! (: the sleep before othello was by far the most comfortable sleep in school!!(thanks to amanda! ) hahha.. ok.. yeah.. so me, amanda, elaine n faith were hanging ard the lit room till around 8 plus den we finaly got our dinner!!! everyone was super hungry!!!! but, the wait was worth while.. coz we got to eat together..
i love girls talk...
but inferiority complex sorta creeps back now and den...
i knw im not likeable...
but i'll try to change..

so one of my wish, is to be a better person... (:
i'll try hard...

actually.... i dun always want to be a clown.... and all the world dun really loves a clown... but somehow.. im used to "entertaining" pple.. and sometimes/ most of the times.. it made me feel better when i see my frens happy, laughing... but sometimes... dun really work out.. or shld i say... back fire?! well, i dunno... i just want to be happy among happy frens...

and... i wanna be stronger... im like so weak and vulnerable... paranoid, sensitive and everything.... but... u cant expect a person to have ego/ confidence when from young he/she's not building up the heart walls with enough love that she needs...
it still pains me, even though its not very much... but in a corner of my little heart... something still thugs... some part of me is just missing.....

i wanna be stronger... not bullied anymore... not treated as a minority.. accepted by majority... maybe pple tell me that i am actually surrounded by many frens.. (i knw its true..) but... i am just very insecured....

okayy..i shldnt go on with this le...

pray for god to give me the strength and power to face this society. the courage,
the security and to be better person, better friend and better family member.

i hope.. it will be answered.

i believe..



im motivated to study..so i'm going off now...
take care guys...
thats all folks!

why why love ep 8!

Ep 8 part 1



Ep 8 part 2



Ep 8 Part 3



Ep 8 Part 4

ugly yet beautiful

my mid year results:
H2: Math, History, Lit
U,U,D
H1: Econs, GP, Chinese
U,E,B

my grades, ugly, yet beautiful...

emotional; when i shldnt be.

nights really make me emo abit. (yes, my emo-ness gone down greatly k! thanks to my dear gals! hahah)
ok.. to those who bullied/abused/demoralized me in those "memorable" 3 years..
thanks.. i won't forget your names, not that
i'm like ji-chouing... but... its still a dark phase of life, something i'll never forget...we learn in some occasions, fall in some occasions.. but many a times, this greatly affected my confidence, morale and esteem..

so bullies out there... if you are one yourself... trust me..please treat people around you better!!!

ok.. so Sir Ian McKellen came and took away my breathe,.. hahha.. (i was really hyped up the whole day about having the chance to see him!! thanks GP n LIT dept! ^^) yepp... hes one amazing man... going to watch King Lear tmr and Seagull (rmb to blame the actors, not the writer!) the day after (Weekends).. his theory abt acting, the imptance of pocket, him being real, him being really honest and brave to stand up for his sexuality. (whts wrg with that anyway?! ) , the Sir thomas speech abt strangers,... every little thing he said, all his little actions will be most certainly engraved in many of our hearts today.. the 100++ of us... and him... owning the same Othello t shirt as our fellow casts and lit students... woah man.. todays one BLASTI-LICIOUS day!!!

somehow... i read a few blogs here and there...
i've been pondering about the same thing.....
the answer now unimportant....
everything dint really matter in the very end....
people say we learn through process..
yes.. i did learn 2 huge lessons....
1) confidential
2) private.

initially, i thought things wld turned out easier, but i realised, nth seemed any easier...
finally, i conclude that these things i once cared so much for, the love i've always been waiting and finding, all seemed mundane now.

i saw this coming, but humanity didnt stop me from preventing. we're humans, like we knw fries cause us to die early.. most of us still love it right?! hahha.. weird metaphor.. but.. yeah... dosent it make sense? or not..

i love my dearies i have now... all my dear friends, family....
i dun feel alone now... but somehow... at some point of time...
inferiority complex take its toll on me...
a voice ringing at the back of my head..
wht are u good at??
you are not wanted here...
laughs turned sinister,
words turn scarsm.
i cant forget,
wht had hurt,still hurts
wht i feared, still remain a fear.

lastly, i MISS CHOIR!

breathe.

if i blew into paper bags, i bet i would have burst 5. i was on the brink of bursting as well...
all the stress and work load all weighing down on me... stress is good at some point of time...
crying also makes u feel better... have a good scream and now... its time for me to get back to work.. just needa rant it out...

i seriously cant take stress.. so i wondered many times why im in jc... but i believe poly is not much different too.. depending on ur course that is..

ok.. jiayou pple! tmr's the dead line for WR V1! JIAYOU

the world's so small i realised.

tired..

yay!!!! its the 9th July!!! hahah..
only heaven knws why im waiting for this date (:

i gave my mum a shock..
i popped her a question one day...
wht happens if im more interested in girls?
i asked on MRT...
and she gave a very over reaction
hahah... she said she'll kill me!!!
funny la her reaction..
but! no worries.. i believe im 100% straight!
LALA.. if u're reading this... YES I AM LA!!HAHAH

omg... im so excited about ep 6!!! i love that show!!!

i was constipated..but not anymore coz...

i live a shit life in case for those who have been thinking that i lead a good one. hahha.. i believe most pple's life are quite shity.. its just which area it shitted in or how many times it shitted.. hahaha... i sound shitty and this whole piece of shit is a lame shit... so i should just stop shitting and keep all the shit to myself..

enough of the shit? LOL...

i need to be sent to pulau bukom! ( 4I-ers should knw wht im talking about. hahha )

tmr's another JO execution.... another shooting session by the yellow boots man... argghhh

totally dun like it...

ENTHUSIASM!

wu gui di is going for reservist tmr!!! will miss him like siao...!! even though hes such a mean person.. i still miss him.. hahha... i wonder if hes in the same camp as Mao la... i think so? coz i dun think theres no 2 camps who reservist in the same week? hahah...

im zooming off to sleep soon!!!!

shopping tmr! (:

ohh.. and surprisingly.. i actually saw a fren from my old place la! how coincidental can tt be? since its some ulu place... hahha... ok.. not exactly..but none whom i knew will wanna go there... oohh... i saw matthew kang! hahha.. weird reaction i've got.. i just called out his name plus surname.. dunno why...

been bumping into pple no matter where i go.. hahha.. good ? bad? LOL

sorry... but im an INTROVERT. cant handle much of these things well..

hahha...

eyes shut..

be blessed

nights

left.

im crazy

i got crazy today...
no it wasnt me if u saw me at PS today..
it was the stupid twin of mine..
the stupid twin had zero ability of containing her emotions and whtsoever.

for the happy things...
firstly! i saw BRANSON n SHERHAN! haha... (sorry ahh!! ) yeah yeah.. they were with their guitars... going play pool and guitar i guess.. hahaa.. and they got talent spotted... deets pls refer to the 2 main charac. LOL... anyway.. PS is like the common hangout for us i guess.. hahha.
i saw my jiemeis.. ok. just one.. PEiSHAN!! haha..
yeahh.. and her dear.. with stewart, ping n raymond, and the rest of their friends..
dint see vivian tho... hahaha..
anyway.. after seeing em...smth hit me... i dunno wht.. but a feelin just washed over..
i was feelin very stressed up abt me screwing up the meeting with my cuzins...
so stressed up i thought i wanted to run home...
but.. i guess i was too emotional abt tt??! hahaha .. yeah..

for the crap things..
i was snuggling in my blankie... blowing tissues and trying to comprehend my stupid laser articles..
sorry mates!! i'll finish my part before sunday night.... yeahh.. my eyes are hot and its getting heavy... so...ciao!!!

i NEED sleep...