tired. but motivated!

its meet the parents today!!!
this is very different from my sec sch la...
coz in sec sch... PTC ( parent teacher conference) was under council's duty..
but this is like... own time own target sign up sheet thingy.. haahah.. yeahh
well... was quite nervous about it coz my grades suck and who knws wht pck will say..
given he is abit... you knw.. in our class.. hahaa..rather bimbotic and such.. haha..
but ended up was quite ok.. and my dad's quite "interactive".. LOL

I love the Lit room!!! (: the sleep before othello was by far the most comfortable sleep in school!!(thanks to amanda! ) hahha.. ok.. yeah.. so me, amanda, elaine n faith were hanging ard the lit room till around 8 plus den we finaly got our dinner!!! everyone was super hungry!!!! but, the wait was worth while.. coz we got to eat together..
i love girls talk...
but inferiority complex sorta creeps back now and den...
i knw im not likeable...
but i'll try to change..

so one of my wish, is to be a better person... (:
i'll try hard...

actually.... i dun always want to be a clown.... and all the world dun really loves a clown... but somehow.. im used to "entertaining" pple.. and sometimes/ most of the times.. it made me feel better when i see my frens happy, laughing... but sometimes... dun really work out.. or shld i say... back fire?! well, i dunno... i just want to be happy among happy frens...

and... i wanna be stronger... im like so weak and vulnerable... paranoid, sensitive and everything.... but... u cant expect a person to have ego/ confidence when from young he/she's not building up the heart walls with enough love that she needs...
it still pains me, even though its not very much... but in a corner of my little heart... something still thugs... some part of me is just missing.....

i wanna be stronger... not bullied anymore... not treated as a minority.. accepted by majority... maybe pple tell me that i am actually surrounded by many frens.. (i knw its true..) but... i am just very insecured....

okayy..i shldnt go on with this le...

pray for god to give me the strength and power to face this society. the courage,
the security and to be better person, better friend and better family member.

i hope.. it will be answered.

i believe..



im motivated to study..so i'm going off now...
take care guys...
thats all folks!

why why love ep 8!

Ep 8 part 1



Ep 8 part 2



Ep 8 Part 3



Ep 8 Part 4

ugly yet beautiful

my mid year results:
H2: Math, History, Lit
U,U,D
H1: Econs, GP, Chinese
U,E,B

my grades, ugly, yet beautiful...

emotional; when i shldnt be.

nights really make me emo abit. (yes, my emo-ness gone down greatly k! thanks to my dear gals! hahah)
ok.. to those who bullied/abused/demoralized me in those "memorable" 3 years..
thanks.. i won't forget your names, not that
i'm like ji-chouing... but... its still a dark phase of life, something i'll never forget...we learn in some occasions, fall in some occasions.. but many a times, this greatly affected my confidence, morale and esteem..

so bullies out there... if you are one yourself... trust me..please treat people around you better!!!

ok.. so Sir Ian McKellen came and took away my breathe,.. hahha.. (i was really hyped up the whole day about having the chance to see him!! thanks GP n LIT dept! ^^) yepp... hes one amazing man... going to watch King Lear tmr and Seagull (rmb to blame the actors, not the writer!) the day after (Weekends).. his theory abt acting, the imptance of pocket, him being real, him being really honest and brave to stand up for his sexuality. (whts wrg with that anyway?! ) , the Sir thomas speech abt strangers,... every little thing he said, all his little actions will be most certainly engraved in many of our hearts today.. the 100++ of us... and him... owning the same Othello t shirt as our fellow casts and lit students... woah man.. todays one BLASTI-LICIOUS day!!!

somehow... i read a few blogs here and there...
i've been pondering about the same thing.....
the answer now unimportant....
everything dint really matter in the very end....
people say we learn through process..
yes.. i did learn 2 huge lessons....
1) confidential
2) private.

initially, i thought things wld turned out easier, but i realised, nth seemed any easier...
finally, i conclude that these things i once cared so much for, the love i've always been waiting and finding, all seemed mundane now.

i saw this coming, but humanity didnt stop me from preventing. we're humans, like we knw fries cause us to die early.. most of us still love it right?! hahha.. weird metaphor.. but.. yeah... dosent it make sense? or not..

i love my dearies i have now... all my dear friends, family....
i dun feel alone now... but somehow... at some point of time...
inferiority complex take its toll on me...
a voice ringing at the back of my head..
wht are u good at??
you are not wanted here...
laughs turned sinister,
words turn scarsm.
i cant forget,
wht had hurt,still hurts
wht i feared, still remain a fear.

lastly, i MISS CHOIR!

breathe.

if i blew into paper bags, i bet i would have burst 5. i was on the brink of bursting as well...
all the stress and work load all weighing down on me... stress is good at some point of time...
crying also makes u feel better... have a good scream and now... its time for me to get back to work.. just needa rant it out...

i seriously cant take stress.. so i wondered many times why im in jc... but i believe poly is not much different too.. depending on ur course that is..

ok.. jiayou pple! tmr's the dead line for WR V1! JIAYOU

the world's so small i realised.

tired..

yay!!!! its the 9th July!!! hahah..
only heaven knws why im waiting for this date (:

i gave my mum a shock..
i popped her a question one day...
wht happens if im more interested in girls?
i asked on MRT...
and she gave a very over reaction
hahah... she said she'll kill me!!!
funny la her reaction..
but! no worries.. i believe im 100% straight!
LALA.. if u're reading this... YES I AM LA!!HAHAH

omg... im so excited about ep 6!!! i love that show!!!

i was constipated..but not anymore coz...

i live a shit life in case for those who have been thinking that i lead a good one. hahha.. i believe most pple's life are quite shity.. its just which area it shitted in or how many times it shitted.. hahaha... i sound shitty and this whole piece of shit is a lame shit... so i should just stop shitting and keep all the shit to myself..

enough of the shit? LOL...

i need to be sent to pulau bukom! ( 4I-ers should knw wht im talking about. hahha )

tmr's another JO execution.... another shooting session by the yellow boots man... argghhh

totally dun like it...

ENTHUSIASM!

wu gui di is going for reservist tmr!!! will miss him like siao...!! even though hes such a mean person.. i still miss him.. hahha... i wonder if hes in the same camp as Mao la... i think so? coz i dun think theres no 2 camps who reservist in the same week? hahah...

im zooming off to sleep soon!!!!

shopping tmr! (:

ohh.. and surprisingly.. i actually saw a fren from my old place la! how coincidental can tt be? since its some ulu place... hahha... ok.. not exactly..but none whom i knew will wanna go there... oohh... i saw matthew kang! hahha.. weird reaction i've got.. i just called out his name plus surname.. dunno why...

been bumping into pple no matter where i go.. hahha.. good ? bad? LOL

sorry... but im an INTROVERT. cant handle much of these things well..

hahha...

eyes shut..

be blessed

nights

left.

im crazy

i got crazy today...
no it wasnt me if u saw me at PS today..
it was the stupid twin of mine..
the stupid twin had zero ability of containing her emotions and whtsoever.

for the happy things...
firstly! i saw BRANSON n SHERHAN! haha... (sorry ahh!! ) yeah yeah.. they were with their guitars... going play pool and guitar i guess.. hahaa.. and they got talent spotted... deets pls refer to the 2 main charac. LOL... anyway.. PS is like the common hangout for us i guess.. hahha.
i saw my jiemeis.. ok. just one.. PEiSHAN!! haha..
yeahh.. and her dear.. with stewart, ping n raymond, and the rest of their friends..
dint see vivian tho... hahaha..
anyway.. after seeing em...smth hit me... i dunno wht.. but a feelin just washed over..
i was feelin very stressed up abt me screwing up the meeting with my cuzins...
so stressed up i thought i wanted to run home...
but.. i guess i was too emotional abt tt??! hahaha .. yeah..

for the crap things..
i was snuggling in my blankie... blowing tissues and trying to comprehend my stupid laser articles..
sorry mates!! i'll finish my part before sunday night.... yeahh.. my eyes are hot and its getting heavy... so...ciao!!!

i NEED sleep...

curls.

i like this photo!!! it don't look like a mirror right?? i love my cam! hahah

i look OLDD....
i think this pic is cool.. hahha.. my bro asked me how i took the photo when im holding the camera like that.. ><

so? curls or straight??

4I chalet!!!

before wild wild wet!!
patience pple.. hahah.. i like Sj's n the 2nd row's pose
(chou + mei ) 女
pyro.shan.me!!! yawns..
Kamilah's sis!!! KE AI RIGHT??!!!

my precious darlinggs.. (:

its hard to fit everyone in since siong's ard. hahha! dun kill me~ im kidding!! (:
haha!! ys ahh... dun so fierce can.. LOL
memories. fadin? no man.. its fresh, coloured, glossy.. kept in my heart
this is the coolest thing abt chooyeow's phone!

Way Back into Love

Artist: Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore
Song: Way Back Into Love
Haley:Ive been living with a shadow over head
Ive been sleepin with a cloud above my bed
ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

Hugh:I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just incase I ever need them again someday
Ive been setting aside time,
to clear a little space in the cornners of my mind

chorus:All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
ohh

Haley:I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just dont see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

Hugh:I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

ChrousAll I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart again
I guess Im hopin you'll be there for me in the end

Haley:There are moments when I dont know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

Chorus:All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to you
Im hopin you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for u in the end

*love the song, love the movie.
love the MUSIC and love the LYRICS*

MATH

i have a stupid math paper later. so just bless me with all the knowledge which i dun have and need(which is practically everything) hah.

wheres my motivation!!!!????

okiee... i'll go update my wretch soon!! (:

and lastly. the end was marked! (: ^^
jiayou pple! for mids and whtever there is..

pieces of me.

Father's Day 07'

HAHA!! my dad fell asleep(he can sleep anywhere.LOL) he dint even wake at the flash.

oohh.. hes awake.. hahaha

Ah Ma and daddy.. at New Park Hotel.. the food there is WOW. hahah

Candid of my Uncle. hahaha.

ME and MUMMY!

hahah. i left out my bro and cuzins becoz they came late.. (: yummy yummy! i wanna go eat again!

太多的感触。。
字迹烙印在纸上。
每一画都带着泪水。
每一行都显示着寂寞。

诺言变成谎言。
奇迹不再出现。
单纯的世界里
也不会有你的踪影

沉默的背后，
隐藏着大大的痛
没人会了解
只能独自承受。

《爱情经纪约》

假扮的人生
戏份已经落幕的青春
还站在后台等
等下齣戏的对白
如何继续扮演我们
我默背剧本
试图先行找出
那个对的人。

weird.

weird.... its just so weird.. hahah
but nvm...
and ok.. many many things feel so weird...
im living in a weird world with many weird pple...
and i believe im turning weird too....
W.E.I.R.D

anyway. hahah... im running away.. i dunno why..
(: bleah. keep running!!

my 2.4 passed!!!! i missed GOLD by 21 SECS....yeh yehh
hahah....

OKAYY!!! JIAYOU jiayou JIAYOU...

im 100% BLACK

PW totally sucks..

yes. as wht i just said. PW is nt something u'll wanna do, not over a thousand dollars. trust me.
ok.. maybe its just me, i dunno.. but my friends are all experiencing problems too.

so far, i've got no idea how to list my contributions, nt becoz i did too much i cant count but becoz i think i cant find any... other den editing one or few sentence in my latest gpp.

i've gt no idea wht the project is actually about..... and... given my puny brains which makes it harder for me to comprehend everything... i cant do anything!!!!!

arggghhh.... i'll try to do the GPF the next time... yes.... so... if any of the members are seeing this...... please do not finish or do majority of it.. coz by the time iwanna do. its like....everything is done. LOL..

grrrrr... im gonna take 2.4 later.. in like 45 mins??!! bless me....

and... somehow.. he gave me those eyes.... maybe he've seen it before.. hao diu lian ahhhh!!!!

hahahha....

jiayou!!!

* i slept in kellett's class again!!! so bad*


*i'm forgetting him. yes. I WILL! *

i'mreallypissedbyhim.

this is like my second time that i've ever got so pissed...... and both times with the trouble of proposals...
argghhhh..... stupid pck.
i'm so tired of repeating the situation again and again...so..i shant do any more typing or whtever explaination about wht evil things that pck did and said to us....

hahhas.. ok. i just got a new nick name today. hamster. if u wanna know why, look at my phone wall paper.. >< actually i seriouslly think i look more like frog..and it was meant to be a froggy effect... and.... im not a girl, not yet a woman. NOT xiao mei mei!!!!!! TSK. lol... im 16+++!

today's interview was screwed. but its okay.. not like i haven screw anything up before.... and my whole day was practically not my day.... bad things happening this and that......

so. lets JIAYOU!

it ended.

yeah.. SYF ended.
all the tears too....
grats to CO.
though we shld be feelin happy for the school..
but the evil root in me tells me its nt good for the choir...
i cried so hard yesterday... but not because of the results..
because of my SL not giving up on me, our conductor's hard work, our senior's hardowork.. and the WHOLE CHOIR'S hardwork...
JANICE! U RAWK! THANKYOU AGAIN! HAH
yeahh.....and angela too.. sorry for wetting ur shoulder again and again. hah..
and yesterday...was the worst i ever felt.....
my eyes felt really hot... my face was really hot..... and i could feel the hot air around me......
but...... goosebumps were all over and i was shivering becoz i was feelin so cold....
my head was throbbing like mad.. and my nose was so blocked.....
but thanks to the really cute medicine and faith ( who accompanied me to the doc ) ... i got well immediately after the medication.. and the doctor was really acting cool in a really cute way.
hahah
ohh.. and guess wht... i've got 3 chalets in june... when i have soooo much work to catch up with
i totally do not understand chapters 5 -7 for math.... and even 1 - 4 if u throw me questions.. i wun noe how to do...

so dead....... but lets see how long i can survive.... hahah.. jiayou pple!!!!
choir is a mugger cca.. LOL....fellow choir members pls come to C4 after 4 if u wanna mug everyday (:
sing as one, work as one. ^^

insecured and very depressed

i dun wanna blog much abt why i'm depressed, cause i think its rather stupid and i don't really know why i'm feeling depressed too... yeahh.. i dont smoke.. so it wasnt the depressant...

okayy.... so i was really down today... in fact most of the time recently..
so i've been wanting to cry out loud..... but i had to laugh it off...
so i'm in disguise, trying to hide the loneliness i'm going through......
and so i gave up...... i'm just going to let it all out later...
but i guess i'm just an invisible man....



SIGHS. IM AFRAID I CANT SING WELL, I'M AFRAID I CANT EXPRESS MY CHARACTER WELL.. ( coz even in real life... i dun even express myself well ) IM AFRAID OF THE ACCUMULATED THINGS I HAVE TO RUSH AND DO......AND ALL THE WORK, I'VE GOT NO KNOWLEDGE TO COMPLETE THEM, I'M SO AFRAID TO BE ALONE, SO AFRAID THAT I'M ALWAYS OUT OF THE CROWD, SO AFRAID THAT I HAVE TOO MUCH FLAWS TO SHOW PPLE WHT I'M GOOD AT ( i guess theres nth im good at except for whinning and ranting and emoing over here )SO AFRAID OF THE INSECURITY. SO AFRAID OF MYSELF. IM JUST VERY AFRAID OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD.
IM SIMPLY, A-F-R-A-I-D

S A V E M E

RETREAT

retreating, i am.
i tried, but failed.
i'll try again.

where does the problem lie?
is it in me?
or wht?
i seriously don't know.

i thought it was over,
the misunderstandings and all..
but somehow, the scar was still vivid.
always reminding us of something.

i tried to look at you,
but your eyes never cross mine.
i tried to talk to you,
but your ears were somehow closed.

i see you sad,
i wanna help,
i tried to,
but,
all you could see and feel,
was someone else.

how i wish things would go back,
to the first day we met.
where we teared,
not because of parting
but because we can't bear to.

so i just pray,
that soon,
the clouds will clear
and we'll see the light again.
and we'll be happy again......

i just wanna let you people know,
i'm always here whenever you guys need to talk.
and that i'm here for you, just like she's there.
just look with your heart,
and you'll find me....

for now, lets work hard together.
and pray that all our hard work and energy we've put in.
be rewarded with the GOLD everyone wants and expects of us.

JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU

- im still depressed.