Home.

Found my background a little too emo.
Change of colours!!! hope it changes my mood as well.
chionging starts later!!!!
time flies by like the snitch. and i'm no harry potter.
So i'm gonna find back the momentum and chase after lost time yeah.
just woke up if you notice the incoherrence in my rambling.
only reached home at bout 4 plus, had lunch, washed up abit and i flopped on my bed and died.
yupp. gonna dive in again to charge a little more before i start on work!!
weehee. love my bed totally (: the bed at hall gives me backaches everytime......
and not to mention insomnia. been tossing and turning for the past few nights.
despite turning in at bout 3am I still find myself inching about and gasping for air.
My sinus aint helping me breathe better.....i need my aircon (oh dear, i sound like a B.I.M.B.O! )

HTHT quite a bit with seohying. (: we're really quite similar in some ways. we'll really get sick of each other by the end of sem 1. HAHAHAHA.
Adm is an amazing place at night ! Jupitor was damn clearrrrr.... the moon turned red. don't think its the right way to see it but, it turned oranged literally. seeing is believing, in a way?

been on an emotional rollercoaster, didn't feel quite nice..
still a hollow shell..
neither here nor there.....
i don't understand myself at all.......
Wheres the bird girl?? perhaps, the epiphany will come soon?

Running towards death

Eyes closed, we cry, bloody.

we crawl and beg, waiting to be fed.

the race is started, rampage begins.

run, run, run, run.

are we all caught in a trance?

the frenzy, it turns us ugly.

angels to demons, all too depressing.

run, run, run, run.

oh I see some casualties.

who’s there with the first aid kit?

please someone stop the bleed.

the destination, we’ve finally reached,

Eyes closed, we cry, bloody.

MY DARLINGGS….

man, grey skies land me in emo mode.

miss all my darlings……

BFF BUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its been a thousand light years since I last saw you!!!!!! I want my HUGGGGGG!!!!!! *sobs*

SLOTH!!!!! lunch has yet to materialize!!! so hard to get 4 of us together!!! X| 

Just met up with the girls and some 4I guys yesterday!! now that i’ve shifted to the other corner of the island im excluded from weekday night activities!! but not like i can join them even when i’m in my own crib. house rules are still pretty stringent on me.

oh oh! brb if i can, seems like most pple are dropping their elecs now!!!!!!!!! Ja~  

RESURRECTION.

Let me inject a little bit of life in here. HAHAHA. I feel damn sad for my blog luh!!! its completely non-existent already.

I’m back to school. Full fledged student now!! Tendered resignation as a full time parasite, finally.

Been through HSS camp and Hall Camp. And Sorry to CAC and my dad, who allowed me to shred the 50 Dollar bill so that I could rejuvenate and avoid another fright night. Didn’t got for the Hall camp’s one either , thankfully. If not Faiz would have had a very very bad time. HAHAH. HALL CAMP WAS GREAT! ^_^  met very nice but HUMSUP(just the girls, trust me) people. Came back home yesterday night, and the journey was really really really long……… but i slept more than half the time, so before i knew it, i was home. Was feeling damn cold in my house tee and FBT thanks to air-con and on top of that i was running a 38.8 degrees fever that day. Couldn’t join in BBALL but managed to catch up with Manda! Toured around NIE to search for her locker. So we managed to talk a little (: Its been Eons since i met Elaine. Faith and I are bounded together for a few more years. hahaha. SORRY FAITH! Don’t get too bored of me. HAHAHAH.

Was just hearing my past singing before i attended lessons, hahah, kinda different now i guess. last time was purely bad imitation. lol. now, perhaps a little more stable?? but the sweetness in the voice is gone… ): now i sound like some coarse haggard ah ma singing. LOL! okay, bad description. HAHAHA, long awaited K session is finally here! kinda sian to scramble back to the other corner of the Island. but well, Singapore is really tiny on the map, so lets just try not to complain about travelling. (yeah right, theres a reason why I’m paying 160 a mth.) okay . digressiondigressiondigression, guess its just me, easily distracted!! hahaha.

Oh well, that was just an attempt to revive my blog that was thirsty and starved for some form of literature. Updates on my life will be on FB anyway. hehs.

OH. TAKE NOTE!! I’VE

CHANGED MY

NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO IF YOU HAVENT TAKEN

IT DOWN OR HAVE YET TO

RECEIVED ANY FORM OF

NOTIFICATION, DROP ME

A MESSAGE (: 

Being present don't signify one's presence.

As I was pondering if I should attend the common class gathering, my gastric did not stop reminding me that i should eat more regularly. Nor did my mum forget to cough a few times to remind me as well, that she is STILL sick. Though, I am definitely sure it is no where as bad as the ruckus she raked up in my mind when she told me she couldn't even make it to the toilet that is just 2 steps away from her bed. My close friends would perhaps know a little of her condition and how needy she can get, but this morning, it really felt quite bad. And later on, while she got better with some catching up with sleep, i was squeezing out air reluctantly with constant hiccups from my gastric disorders. It has been quite some time since i experienced this kind of gastric discomfort already, and after hearing of Faith's sudden attack on the gastrics, mine came along, poking me in the ribs, telling me "pay me some freakin attention!". No, i'm definitely not as needy as my mum, and i always try to avoid the clinic. it seems like a forbidden word in my dictionary, with red neon light flashing in this 6-letter term. I would tell myself "it will go away with time and good rest" and ignore the usual persuasions to visit the doctor. No, no, I wouldn't give in.

Don't know if Faith went to the airport on her own, since she didn't reply my text. but well, morning was chaotic, the constant hiccuping and mopping the floor at the same time drained up alot of my energy. Brunch came at about 11:15 and lunch at 3pm , irregular yet routine for my family most of the time. Sunk in my swivel chair and started Naruto-ing right after brunch. Naruto, though as stupid as it sounds, is actually one of the best anime i would say. I wasn't all that into the action initially but I got captivated with the many stories, emotions and values behind all these drawings. For those who used to despise this Anime at its name (like what i used to do) , i beg you to difer. watch the first few episodes and boy, i'm pretty sure you'll be engaged in a marathon like me. [its 2:15 now! and my eyelids are nowhere near 500g !the insomnia drones on... ]

If you were wondering, the first 2 paragraphs didn't seem to go into picture with the header. Its a line I had been pondering for today, regarding the class gathering at night that was supposed to be a belated celebratory dinner for Jervis. Don't get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with the people, really. i see them as hot blooded youths, that cant help but amuse me in their very own unique ways. We had known each other since Secondary 1 for some and for others along the way through my secondary school life. They were my Secondary 3 and 4 classmates, a group of people that walked through my youthful days. I was nothing more than a tiny olive off this foot long wich. The tiny olive, branded under the "standard veg", little in quantity and pretty bland, not very pleasing to the eye, but is there because its part of the "standard" . Something that people would neglect or forget if it werent part of the sandwich. Whereas, the angry customer will complain if one day, the sandwich has its turkey breasts missing, or when the ham is not there. People care more about the main gists of the whole thing, the more bizzare ones, the louder ones. who gives any shit about the left out olives or pickles? all they probably need, is the meat of the lunch, and some standard vege to along with.

Therefore, the olive wonder, if its needed, why does it try to be part of the sandwich, when in the end, it don't matter at all. At the same time, it could be hidden within the lettuce. snuggling tight and safe in the comfort zone, with its mild taste, trying to blend into the overpowering meaty bite. It is all too hard on the olive. Maybe, one day, the olive will simply be eradicated off the menu. to cut cost they say. since being present didn't really signify its very own presence and participation. In case you're thinking in your mind, oh dear, Eileen is craving for subway right now. let me remind my dear friends that i can count the number of times i dine there with my bare hands.

time check, its 2:39, i bet the tea/coffee is on night shift now, and it will claim its pay tomorrow, with my unstoppable yawns and teary eyes. Its been so long since i actually sat down and type. so consider this "trying-to-get-to-sleep-by-killing-some-kinetic and brain cells" period, a time to refresh, and get myself back on touch with writing. Something that I had not done, other than annotating my music scores every sunday. I should at least make the effort to blog everyday with the amount of free time i have on hand shouldn't i ? or at least some pre-study would help my pursue of language perhaps a little less taxing. maybe just that teeney weeney, but up till date, the books my beloved brother gladly shoved me are still untouched and waiting to be discovered.

Its getting late. the WEEEEE hours, i should attempt fighting the adrenaline pumping from the caffine i took in a few hours ago and get to sleep. so long, whoever that reads my blog. i'll put my laptop to sleep, and try to get a few winks on my own. nightey nights! i'll be back tomorrow, i hope (:

Unemployed again.

out of job again. cash is running low. i NEED a job. however. with such little time left on hand, there isnt much choices, or rather, there isnt any, when i see (Min 3 mth/6 mth contracts) . got pretty frustrated. especially with my needy mum’s constant nagging and laments. she tries to sound like she understand, and compare her nowhere similar situations with mine, and complaining that we get more money than her, where in fact, i don’t see how she gets to spend them anyway. oh, and good point she made, saying that we do less work at home than her. amazing how she can manage to even say it so blatantly. my gastrics is working up again…… urgh.

Employed, Finally.

 

Its been a while, as usual. Firstly, today’s the 10th May, Happy Mother’s Day. The day is gonna end perhaps at my very last few lines of this post. Anyway, yes, like what my title informs, I’m employed. Many thanks to Sembawang music who took a risk and hired someone with apparently zero experience especially in the service sector. People at work are pretty nice, taught me a lot. From stock taking to cashiering. Even learnt how to record the settlement of the day. It is not a job to be despised, the service sector require not only a positive attitude, but also knowledge of the specific field you are required at. This is my first “stable” job, so you can imagine the pay i’m getting. Its really, skimpy, a mere 1K a month, and not to neglect the fact that CPF has not been deducted yet. All in all, the pay is really pathetic for the amount of work i do. sobs sobs sobs. there are many stories at work i’d love to share if not for the newly constituted rule for me; Lights out at 2330, apparently worse than the NS men I suppose. If you’re wondering who in the world imposed this on a nineteen year old, the answer is right at the top of my post.

For now , Ciao.

sweet dreams.

Dead, Alive and Dead again…

 

The red glove pumps its fist, with momentum and rhythm like a death march. Dull, solemn and lifeless.

That is, if you put my current lifestyle on a chart… It will be a stream line with occasional flickers and inclining gradients, and nothing else. My life monitor, constantly reminding me to keep it up and beating again… To no avail, though.

Forgot the last time I blogged properly, simply because there is nothing going on. Nothing worth of mention. Oh, my bulb flickered up there, reminding me I should at least bring up the passion in my life, Singing. I forgot when I started minding, started thinking about every note I sing and being conscious of it, not to let it go OFF. In addition to my big fat blank on my romance page, I hear, I see , I feel no soul in my voice. Perhaps just an empty imitation that is not even up to mark. My emotions, once so overpowering and overbearing, nest on a funnel. Draining away, seep, trickle , gone.

Ok, back to the monotonous tune, (This reminds me of “Past Midnight” , and why do I bring up Boey?!) Having a tuition session for the first time in my entire life of approximately 18 and a half years, as a teacher instead of the previous salutation I had bore for another half of my life. Woops, did it go too serious? FYI, I am just doing a relief job for 2 lessons through Elaine’s recommendation. THANKS GIRL! . OWE YOU ONE. BUT, I do hope I wouldn’t be out to disgrace anyone. After all, this is my virgin attempt, and still has no idea what i’ll be doing. When I told my mum i’ll be helping out in English, she shot me the very dubious “are-you-serious” look and quickly reminded me of the pain of getting an E for the damned general paper. Oh well , I don’t know. I doubt myself most of the time, and still am waiting for that confident side of me to emerge . Maybe its just crouching in one corner, locked and chained up , awaiting for the right epiphany. MAYBE?

Loveless

Prologue

When the war of the beasts brings about the world’s end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess
We seek it thus, and take to the sky
Ripples form on the water’s surface
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II

There is no hate, only joy
For you are beloved by the goddess
Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul
Pride is lost
Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III
My friend, do you fly away now?
To a world that abhors you and I?
All that awaits you is a somber morrow
No matter where the winds may blow

My friend, your desire
Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return

Act IV
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber

Legend shall speak
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely

Act V
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice

 

 

Interesting poem . After completing Crisis Core, fragments of this poem still echoes in my head.. Hmmm, wouldn’t it be interesting if schools test on this?! heh…

Confessions of the drama queen!

 

Do not be mistaken, I’m not implying that my life will take a turn to some screen-play or anything like that..

BUT, the number of dramas I’ve watched over this holidays is freaking way too many!! I can top the “No. Of Videos Watched” chart already.

Now on my final 2 episodes for Star Lit. The protagonist’s illness has deteriorated, death smells near…… sigh… I’m a sucker for these kinda shows… and after so many tear jerkers and dramas, I’ve learnt to control my “tap” more. hahah. I wouldn’t cry over little little things now. HEH!!! Oh, now it reminds me, Jerry Yan can really act well!! hahah, his acting skills indeed improved alot… At least, hes not just a vase (:

SECRET CODE!!!!!!!!!! HMV better be quick!!!!  

I’m singing less and less I realised… Its become something serious, like an everyday assessment, rather than an interest or habit that i used to have…Its getting tiring and stressful…
That passion I used to have, i gotta retrieve it, hold it tightly and not let go… again.

Best Bolero Perf so far…

 

omg, almost perfect pitch for all!!!!!!!!

screams in awe…!!!!!!

how can anyone not like them?! or at least their singing.

LOL. woops. the egoistical fan here just cant stop bragging about their awesome-ness!!!!!!!

 

i had insomnia again!!! sigh.. couldnt sleep till about 4!

anxiety….. due to friday and sunday.. ahhhh… twice the stress..

somehow i think theres higher chance of me getting thru semi den getting a BBC and above… sigh, so you can imagine how hopeless i feel despite faith’s good feeling about Eileen-doing-well…

downloading audition right now! or should i say re-downloading… since it hanged on me at its 99th% . meanwhile, i’m just gonna bask in the wonders of dbsk’s voices!!! i gotta admit that yunho’s voice improved alrdy! or rather, his pitching improved. (: yay!! and Junsu has many many solo parts in Bolero!!!!!! woohoo!!! and micky’s high notes totally send me goosebumps!!!!!!!!!! LOVELINESS!

 

怎样才能不怕黑夜

怎样才能避免崩溃

放吧， 叫我怎么放吧。。

不要再继续拉扯，

已断掉的思念

因为曾经担却

而让彼此不再留言

一辈子就只能暧昧。

停留在灰色边缘。

鑑定結果

您的精神年齡36歲

與您實際年齡差18歲

幼稚度56％

成熟度64％

老化度47％

 

Take the test: http://hyc.myweb.hinet.net/year/year.htm

 

原本已为已失去的感动，似乎，回来了。。

是脆弱的表现吗？还是，已被冻结的心，想再次寻找没感受过的温暖？

之前，我又是在期待什么？

我没有资格吧。。？

 

镇懊恼，灵感总是在没有防备之下，闯进脑海。

而因为这样，一切一切都无法留下痕迹，留下片刻的记忆。

遗憾？也不算。。

我，失声了。。。

状态超不好。。

明天又是vocal lesson.还得独唱勒！完蛋了。。。

 

闷闷闷，就快要变身为王非唱“闷”了。。

阿。。。我的俊秀今天是怎么过的呢？

 

情人节。。。快乐，吗？  

Baek Ji Young - Like Being Hit By A Bullet

hooked on this song, now i know why its been champing on Music Bank.

[MV] Baek Ji Young - Like Being Hit By A Bullet
Lyrics credits to Nautiljon.
Chong majeun geotcheoreom
Jeongsini neomu eobseo
Useunmman nawaseo
Geunyang useosseo... Geunyang useosseo
Geunyang...
Heotalhage seumyeo
Hanaman mutja haesseo
Uri wae heeojyeo
Eotteoke heeojeo... Eotteoke heeojeo
Eotteoke...
Gumeongnan gaseume uri
Chueogi heulleo neomchyeo
Jababoryeo haedo
Gaseumeul magado
Songarak sairo ppajyeonaga
Simjangi meomchwodo ireoke
Apeul geot gatjin anha
Eotteoke jome haejwo
Nal jom chiryohaejwo
Ireoda nae gaseum da manggajyeo
Gumeognan gaseumi
Eoneusaa nunmuri
Nado moreuge heulleo
Ireogi sirheunde
Jeongmal sirheunde... Jeongmal sirheunde
Jeongmal...
Ireoseoneun neol ttara
Mujakjeong jjocha gasseo
Domangchideut geotneun
Neoui dwieseo... Neoui dwieseo
Sorichyeosseo
Gumeongnan gaseume uri
Chueogi heulleo neomchyeo
Jababoryeo haedo
Gaseumeul magado
Songarak sairo ppajyeonaga
Simjangi meomchwodo ireoke
Apeul geot gatjin anha
Eotteoke jome haejwo
Nal jom chiryohaejwo
Ireoda nae gaseum da manggajyeo
Chong majeun geotcheoreom... Jeongmal
Gaseumi neomu apa
Ireoke apeunde... Ireoke apeunde
Sal suga itdaneu ge isanghae
Eotteoke neoreul ijeo naega
Geureoin geon naneun molla... Molla
Gaseumi ppeongtturlyeo
Chaeul su eobseoseo
Jugeul mankeum apeugiman hae
Chong majeun geotcheoreom...

ENGLISH TRANSLATION Credits to Shinji.
Like being hit by a bullet
I cant make sense of anything
All that comes out is laughter
So I just laughed,
So I just laughed,
Just..
While Im laughing until I collapse
I asked if I could ask one thing
Why are we breaking up?
How do we break up?
How do we break up?
How?
In this bruised chest,
Our memories are overflowing
Even though I try hold onto them,
Even if I block my chest,
They all slip though my fingers
Even if my heart stops,
Just like this,
I dont think it will hurt,
Please do something
Give me some treatment
If I keep going like this,
All I will get is a broken heart
In this bruised chest..
Soon, without me even realizing,
Tears stream down my face
I dont want to be like this,
I really dont want to,
I really dont want to,
Really..
I follow after you, who stood up so rashly and left,
Youre running away,
From behind you,
From behind you,
I scream..
In this bruised chest,
Our memories are overflowing
Even though I try hold onto them,
Even if I block my chest,
They all slip though my fingers
Even if my heart stops,
Just like this,
I dont think it will hurt,
Please do something
Give me some treatment
If I keep going like this,
All I will get is a broken heart
Like being hit by a bullet
Really..
My heart hurts so much
It hurts so much,
It hurts so much,
Thats weird I can still live.
How can I forget you?
Me?
I dont know how to do such things..
I dont know..
My heart is awake and I cant put it to sleep,
All it does is hurt so much I feel like dying,
Like being hit by a bullet...

Korean Entertainment Gossips

 

I’m currently reading ShenYuePop’s blog and found it amusing to a large extent. I like his/her style of writing. AND, it really opened my eyes and look into how SNSD is actually like. First time seeing comments by the so-called “haters”, and there is actually an international anti SNSD club. WOW. hahaha. Plus, all i got from taeyeon was an impression of her being more natural and less “trying-to-act-cute” and lastly her singing that impressed me. Been thinking that SNSD was just a bunch of vase, but i’ve got to disagree with that, since, i’ve actually seen good singing on Taeyeon’s part. The industry is filled with so much darkness, such that these celebs have no choice but to lose themselves.. sigh, just hope that some day, we’ll have a natural and real portrayal of celebs, and not just a facade to gain fans, and buy their way through the market. Oh dear…what a world we live in…

 

Choir steamboat yesterday! (:

at my very humble abode.

nothing fanciful, just a little, warm , get-together.

As usual, my mum’s very hospitable, and…. hmmm, concerned?

hahaha, those who’ve been to my house would know how much my mum loves to serve guests.

and thanks angela for missing my house (: POP BY SOON, its always open for you yeah???!!!! JIAYOUSSSSSSS………

‘ve been basking in my aimless life…

Bohemianism’s been my ideology during my first three mths period, and now, i’m back to that way of living…

strictly speaking, i wouldn’t label myself a bohemian utterly, or you’ll see me lurking around Holland V, basking in the artistic vigour. okay, those 2 words won’t really come well together, but who would not agree that you will indeed see those kinda vigour in artists. heh, okay, i should stop digressing. Familial pressures are somewhat worse than work, and many times i’ve tried to put in the effort to get a job (  faith don’t mock me! hahahs) BUT, okay, i admit. LAZINESS is my current vice….. and, DRAMAS are my accomplices. woops.

A level’s results are coming. YES, its COMING SOON…

inevitable, excruciating, terrifying.INHALE EXHALE INHALE EXHALE.

my dreams are mocking me. oh sigh, its like harder than getting 7 As please. LOL.

Alright, back to my drama (: 

Endless Love

hooked on Endless love! originally by Mariah Carey.. but i heard the fanbi couple’s version and fell in love with it!! hahaha.

CNY is coming!!!!! woohoo!!!! which also happens to be my Bro’s birthday…

current playlist : War of the In-Laws 2

Current entertainment : Pet society! LOL

 

 

 

I’m gonna sing with you our duet.