baday

ok.. today really started out badly..
should have known, it warned me alrdy..
pseudo is really freaky sometimes.. ><
or issit like wht mushi said? HAHA.
wow, i just laughed..
its a bad sign when you see me up here..
now tt i dun really blog...
i come here only when i need to..
and when theres a need.. its not a good thing..
yeah. ok, eileen chia, pls put on a smile and leave the room now..
u've got a long day... (quite short actually. hah)
yeahh... gotta go get my stuffs from cwp l8r too. ties in nicely for me.
aight. looking forward to tmr alrdy =D

can you feel the love tonight~

my gosh.. i feel like doing something romantic tonight! hahaha
random me have random feelings. HAHA
and i feel like screaming!!!!!
it took me like 3 days to do my gp presentation... redone it like upteen times...
problem with perfectionists.. cant say its perfect now... but i tried to not go off tangent like what i always do..
my parents are out for wedding dinner tonight!!
and my mum look super cute!!!!!! HAHAHA..
issit the radiance added on by mother's day?!? lol..
but her new haircut really make her look so cute!!! hahahah...
oh, and i have the sudden urge to cook my own dinner.. lols...
speaking of random...... i miss my wife!! HAHAHA... or hubby now?! lol! confused identities and roles.. lols...
and wifey! its unfair k! i've been man for sooo long..lols.. arent u gonna return me manly love?! LOL!! and u got too much from him alrdy!! so gimme more!! yes.. MORE!!!!
hahaa, and theres another moment of realization....
this is really random coz this matter happened soo long ago.. and only its recently that i learnt something from it... haha. [ I had eyes. but I couldn't see. the next time, I will look, with my heart. (: ]
im just talking to myself now.. just in case you pple are confused over wht im talking about.. hahaha! yeahh... can totally ignore this part...

okieee... so right now i have 3 choices : 1) go to a beach and feed myself to the mosquitos and red ants 2) go to coldstorage and get stuffs to cook. 3) stone until my bro get food for me. hahaha

hahhaa.. im feeling unsettled and jumpy.. shoo myself off before i start spouting nonsense.. lol..
BYEE XD

GO GO FIGHTING!

ate super alot today... bursting. hahah.
i think i eat alot when i'm stressed... gonna turn really fat soon.
esp when mids are coming...
hah. YAY. finally could understand something..
hypothesis testing.. even tho i feel asleep, but managed to catch up with what i missed.
yay. i understood.. finally.. the aliens went back to Mars.. human language finally.. =D
its Be Yourself Day today! my gosh.. 0730 totally rock the campus grounds today luhh. haha.
nice one guys! with the timeline thingy... heh, we dint get to do it coz we THOUGHT we handed in the form, but we dint... so yeahh.. haahaa.. but i was expecting something better from pck. hah.
had consultation with mdm sha just now... early in the morning.. >< if not i wld have gone later... my lessons starts at 11! wth right. hah
gonna redo my gp presentation for the 4th time.. the play ended. finally.. with alot of screw ups on my part.. coz i realised i forgot all about euthanasia.. lol... but dint turn out tt bad. haha! balveen n tie zheng shld be more intitmate la!!!! RAH. hahaha.
and aiyahh., feel bad to the group. hahaha. gave them shit stuffs..
neways.... i wanna swim!!!!!!!!! its been ages since i last swam...i refuse to go to a public pool. HAHA. >.<
alright. ishld get back to gp.. ( haha, what you give is not always what u get! )

JIAYOU

okayy. firstly, one thing that impacted me alot was the thing that PCK said to me
" she says your math won't make it. which means you won't pass"
i felt something bit me hard, like a piece of my flesh tearing away..
okay la, nt that bad. HAHA. anyway. plus wht my bro told me yest.
im like totally motivated to work hard! YES!!!
i will work hard!!!! hehe. JIAYOU! create optimum environment to work in..
work smart. and i will get to the top!!!!!!!!

and YAY! no more tenants! im sealing up the place.
no more intrusions, no more invasions.
yupp. till next year... and during this period of time, its gotta revamp, renovate and put on fresh coats of paints to welcome the new owner. and its gotta be a freehold space on high price.

okay. i got too metaphorical to the extent that no one understood. HAH!
alright.. jiayous with gp!!!! im gonna need more sleep! =D

take care guys!!!

long time no speak if you guys realised! hahah
its been a few days since i last blogged..
okay, not that long actually..
not very much updates tho...
life's as usual. all bout the mundane..
except that recently the pokemon bug is infused into us. hahah
our class surfaced a few trainers. =D yeap. 17/18 year old pokemon trainers. HAHAH
amusing huh.. but its quite fun actually... u just feel like walking on and on... training the pokemons to higher level, and hunting for more!!!!
gotta catch em all!
HAH, that felt ages ago..
okay.. there's choir on wed.. >< thought there'd be no more.. but still its an official wrapup,
a handover to the next batch of J1s.. yupp. hang in there!!! poor J1s. haha.
yeahh.. with TBS.. really feels like a long way to go..
im in the com lab now.. super multitasking.. pokemoning, blogging, doing my gp..
yeah, i cant really multitask esp when im on the phone..
when im on the phone i realise i will just either only able to talk to the person on the other end..
or ignore the person on the phone while doing my own stuffs. hahahaa..
yeahh.. been talking to theresa quite abit lately... its becoz of the M1 thing la.. hahaha..shes one of the M1 chat friends.. i can add one more ya knw.. so whoever's M1 customer do let me knw! hahahaa. if not its going to waste.. im only fully utilizing theresa's part. yupp
really hungry, and im PMS-ing, amanda as well.. hunger plus drowsiness and lessons dosent help. ):
HAI! gotta go have lunch... we are alllllll deaddddd XD
aight. BYEBYE!!!!!!!


=DD

CREEP

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control
I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh
She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...run...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...

OUCH

ahh, my hopes went up to the clouds and crashed down instantly when mummy said i cant go.
and i bet lynette's feeling terrible too.. sorry!!! i gave you tt glimpse of hope and threw it away.. but i do really wanna go. i really do... so after exams.. i will definitely fly over!!!

went to the airport with wifey today..
super super super packed..
we were shooed away from t3 so we took the skytrain to t2.
t2 macs was packed too.. but we managed to find a table..
and the manager just went ardchasing pple away but we dint budge
then theres this table that have been left there because some pple left their belongings there.. unattended... den the police had to come and take it away.. drama rama. lol.
den it was only after angela telling me den i realise the tables beside us were actually J1s.. no wonder the PW materials felt so familiar. yupp.. poor J1s...
yeahh.. and i had to leave early to visit my granny at TTSH.
creepy place.. i have the bad feeling in hospitals..
luckily my grandma was just doing some check, nth much is confirmed yet..
but when she said her heart felt abit congested i was feeelin rather scared..
i had a dream that i had heart problem not long ago...
so freaky... ahhhhh.. okayyy...
lemme move on....
hahaha.. yeah.. okay.. so the day pretty much comes to an end after dinner.. toured around sengkang-punggol... really dark at night.. (Esp. at punggol end. )

ahhh. and cheer up my dearest friends!!!!!
FATE won't be FATE if someone's soul is not present.. find back ur souls!!!!!!
yeahh??? JIAYOU!!!!!!! and im really proud of the 2 of you...
who have the courage to face it...
yes.. thanks im not practicing wht i preach, but do cheer up k?!?!!!!!!
and i see the 2 of ur convos flashing at me right now.. HAHAHAAA
aight.. lester's infusing his KoRn into my music bank.. hahhaaa.
and OMG.. i finally found CREEP!!!!!!!!!!
come find me if u want it k?!?!!! its really nice..
yoga from xing guang 1 sang it and got 20++ marks!!!! yes.. its tt nice..

im still confused constantly..
yehh.. OMG... YAY 11:11 . hahaha..
okayy... my train of thoughts is getting messy..
shld stopp here.. hahahaha
and... guys shld seriously beware of their language used..
yepp. BYE!

confused

been confused all the while.
but i'm really stubborn tho. hahaha!
i've kept mum for years..
so why cant i this time?? right?!
yupp. i think god is pissed off with my way of handling my own emotions alrdy.
cant blame me...
how strong can i be when i've been blown up so many times.
yupp..
neway.. busy week..
its only wed..
tmr's labour day! yay. airport. XD
friday ends late.... so dinner's postponed!!!
sat studying, tuition, chat (haha, dunno if its the right word)
yeahh.. sunday: airport again!? hah.

yes.. i think its all or nothing now...
><
hate this kinda things..
RAWWWWWHHHH

dates

tmr: mug, with alone i guess, choristers have elections.. =.=
thurs: changi airport!!! yay.
fri: four of our gathering!!!! =D long time no meet up anyways... everyone just disintegrate...
Sat: mug + tuition
Sun: MUG @ changi airport again?? =D

wow... mugging days.. >< how nice... been mathing for soooo long today
really.... im zonked.. seeing another complex no. or integration, or inequality or anything regarding math can send me to my grave...

eyes shutting alrdy.. needa get to the script..
bye peeps!!!
hahaha... and yeahh.. im kinda looking forward to friday actually.. got alot of catching up to do! LOL =D
bye peeps!!!!!

because of you

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

bad me.

aahh.. okay.. i feel so bad for not wanting him to take the same lift as me..
i mean... i dunno 'what he will do la... after all... him killing me wldnt be illegal...
he has the "rights" to... based on medical reasons i guess...
but i nearly died when i saw him at the lift....
then i took a deep breathe and run him and i kept pressing the close button..
omg.... tt was so mean.. i know its mean.. but i was really really scared...
luckily he continued to wait outside...
so i just stop breathing until i was safe inside the lift..
this is the only one time where i really want to be left alone in the lift. hahaha..
irony... in times of emergency.. i rather feel trapped. LOL.. den having something happen... ><

hahahaha.. okayy.. YAY angela!! i hugged u! lol
and so sorry kelvin! hahahaha.... ur com suck.. not my fault! lols...
but i hate to reformat coms.. so im like totally sorry about it.. yeahhh. but im not sending u emoticons!! hahaha!
neway... happy to be on track for math.. other den revision la.. but tutorials im on track..
and my econs i nearly done!! YAY!!!! more time to aud! LOL
okayyy... crap.. i think im gonna be paralysed from spamming keys...

and my dinner's nice.. daddy warmed it up for me before i reach home.. so nice.. heh!
yupp..eating my dinner now...
spamming keys later..
tralalala~ bye!!!!!!

hahahhaa.. and for one more time.. i wanna clear my name!!!!!!! i am FULLY 100 PERCENT STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!! =D

距离

有些人,你常常想念,想得几乎废寝忘食,但是,距离再近,你却不会真的走上前去触摸.只是,远远地看着她,远远地.生怕一不小心就打扰到什么,尽管,你是那样希望成为她生活中的一部分,息息相关的重要部分。
似乎你就是个梦，我眷恋得睡过了头。[ credits to theresa tan hui xin. lol ]

vivola~

hahah, vivocity just reminds me of the vivola thing everytime..
i bet all of you (choristers) feel the same way. =P
spent the day alone...
went out early in the morning..
so early tt none of the shops were open, and i had to sit down n wait while reading econs..
i was the first few in the theatre queue, its kinda cool..
but buying one tickets seemed abit odd:
" can i have a ticket for definitely, maybe at 11:15?"
"so its definitely maybe at 11:15, 3 tickets miss?"
"no, just one."
"one?!"
"yes, one."
"okayy.."
LOL... i was amused, but went to get my wallet during the 1 hour wait..
went by the bookstore, browsed some books.. went to the cute shop but it wasnt open. ><
n.. i went ti the toilet before the show, n guess what.. when i went upstairs.
i realised i left my wallet in the toilet! the new one!
den i chionged down to find it... thank god it was there la. hahah.
and soo.. i went into the theatres.. forgot i had night blindness...
so i cldnt find my seat! couldnt see anything..
i realised that everytime i step in.. i just follow blindly n sit beside my friends.hahah.
so today was kinda special...
but the thing is... it was 11:15am.. and hence..only the back row was filled..
and the worse thing is... i see couples strolling in... like i was the only kuku over there..
hahaha. but once the movie started... i just got so lost in it.. i forgot about everyone around me..
OMG..tt Will haze is HOT!!!! i found April n "Summer" hot too!!!! the movie was soooo sweet... so touching la! and the little girl was sooo cute!!!!! so thoughtful of her.. and so mature for her age... =D love little girls.. heh! great recommendation to those who haven caught this movie... its really nice =D
ahaah.. and im so gonna watch the vegas show!!!! is that guy Ashton krutcher?! looks like him.. but i cldnt figure out and theres cameron diaz!!!
the superheroes movie is a must watch!! lol... gonna catch it soon..
ahhh.. broke!
with RJ concert and band concert. im gonna be more broke, ><
after the show... i just went down to kovan macs to mug...
surprised by the rate i was doing econs.. and everything just made sense to me!!
wow right?! hahaha.. credits to kenny.. no wonder ur grades are amazing...
i wonder how pple can just do econs so easily.. and do it so well!
gahhhh... but did abit of case study today.. yay!
and tuition was quite good..
think can concentrate better alone..even though it was rather sian...
and stats rock!!!! and our sch is exempted from the questions for both tuesday n friday class =D
OMG.. i have a complaint!!! the sr people were creating a hell out of noise.. the whole macs was filled with their high pitched laughter..
i was blasting my mp3 and cld still hear them...
even the aunty was shaking her head to me.. and everyone else just kept staring at them...
yeahh... noise is alright la.. but they went abit too over..
hah. okie... i gotta go continue work...
hooked on audition recently...
just keep spaming my keyboard..
add me if u are playing!!!! ign: xOleenOx
yeahh... bye peeps!! =DD

its been ages since i last typed in chinese...
theresa's essay made me wanna write something too. hahaha.
its been a shitty week for me and her..
my earphones died.. not like i want it to..
not like i want my earphones to keep dying...
so its really no point screaming at me over earphones..
it alrdy died.. wht can i do?!! i promise i'll take more care of it this time..
had ajisen at J8 just now and mr kwek was there..
his wife is really pretty. heh
ok.this week's really really bad.. ><
tmr : theres this supposedly choir outing.. but it clashes with my tuition.
hmmm.. gonna catch a movie tmr.. alone i suppose. dun mind trying watching a movie alone..
hah. definitely, maybe or superheroes?! one emotional one really funny..
ok.. maybe i need something funny to cheer me up.. but watching a funny movie alone feels kinda sad... hahahaha.. okay. whtever....
going vivo to get my wallet also i supppose..and head down for tuition...
dun mind some time alone tmr... perhaps easier to help me sort my own thoughts out..
was very messy this week...
bad bad bad....

sunday: hmmms.. i kinda miss the airport..
dun mind going there...
and i think i might again.. need the time alone.. =X

HUAT AH

HAHAH. TODAY'S HUAT DAY!
and my moment of epiphany today??!!
i guessed i only realised it..
but abit late.. hahahaha... argh.
dun matter.. im sealing everything up with cement.
=D anyway.. grats dear!!!!!
wish u bliss anyway..
i haven got the chance to watch a movie alone...
1) superheroes movie 2) definitely maybe 3) ???

SUPERHERO MOVIE

YAY! its FINALLY OUT!!!!
gotta watch it.. its damn hilarious! hahah
and today is such a crisis day for me n theresa. hah
yeah. i guess im left with 3 choices now.
i'll take the last 2 i guess..
and i better stop the inferiority complex thing.. ><
yeahh.. i rock! and i love myself! hah

ohhh.. im damnnn tired... ><
today's a really hot day!
and my ulcers are really killing me!!!!
hurts like crap..
cant talk...

okie. gotta go do work soon.
and yay! i got DBSK's stuffs from moo!!
thanks! hah

memory?

there was one thing that Ms kwok said that impacted me alot today..
about memory, about trying to forget a part of our lives, trying to forget the traumatic experiences some had in life...
i've been searching for her recently..
facebook. friendster, blogs.. wherever..
i don't know why i'm even bothering to find out..
to see how shes doing perhaps?? to see if she's changed??
to see if shes getting on "well".... i know we were young, and naive...
but i cant help but wish that something would happen to her..
that something small.... just for vengence perhaps???
maybe something small to show her how it feels to be in my shoes..
a little revenge i wanna take..
nt too severe, afterall we were so young...
harmless as the young may look.. but the years of my growth (psychologically? ) were taunted,
and scarred.
no matter how much i tried to forgot...
the terror still flashes back now and then.....
evrey little trigger... can just pull me back to the past,
where everything was dark and haunting....
where i had no where to escape...

21APRIL08

today's concert day!!!!
=D nothing really bad happened
but it was really really short..
and i think our rehearsal was alot better..
coz of the crowd perhaps??
im really tired now...
legs, hands, feet, brain, eyes, everywhere.....
and i've still got math to do
well at least i've got no more choir...
can just mug and mug and mug..
aint tt bad i guess?! =D
JIAYOU people!!!!!
and omg... we're having a really cool history sem. =DDD

i feel ashamed to even like you.
afraid that you will find it digusted that someone like me actually liked you..
but everytime i wanna resist the temptations of talking to you,
i find it so hard that i give up...
so... sorry to you, whom i've liked. (:

locked.

i dunno me.
i've never known me.


Like many other disorders, claustrophobia can sometimes develop due to a traumatic incident in childhood.
my mum was doing my brows just now...
i dunno how long she took..
but it seemed forever..
she pressed me down in my swivel chair...
i found it hard to breathe
and after a really long time... i started breathing really heavily
and something in me.. told me i had to break free...
i kept struggling to leave the chair but she shuned my pleas, thinking that i was just impatient
until i started tearing and she received a shock..
i got a shock myself too..
i thought it was only in enclose spaces that i'll feel that way..
but i think somehow.. someone pressing me down or trapping me.
will trigger the pain as well...
yest, they closed me in the toilet again...
for fun, i was really scared..
but i tried not to show it..
i knw showing fear would only bring more pleasure and satisfaction to those who locks me up..
i don't know why my fear can bring happiness,
and i don't understand the logic..
i knw they don't mean it.
but if they really left the door and lock me in..
i will go mad.
i think thats why i need to build up my strength..
thats why i'm walking so fast,
to show that i'm not weak.
thats why i like to carry heavy things,
to show that i'm not weak.
well, but at least i have friends now..
just that i still feel locked behind the doors.
and the real me, that i've so well hidden.
that me myself, have forgotten where it is,
and how it looks like.
its and it now, because i'm not sure what form it takes.
or even, if it takes up any.

so i'll wait. for the day, where the keysmith come,
and free me from the locked door,
and i'll own that pair of keys myself,
to do be able to open it myself.

but right now, i am still locked.

walls had immediate impact on me,
i wonder how it would be,
if i didn't leave that place..
would i be like them?
if were them,
would i have alrdy grown immuned towards the pain?
where walls are too high...
and the door is locked.
and when i feel so small...
so small...
yet unable to squeeze through the empty spaces of the door...

MUSIC.FOODFORLIFE.

my eyes are gradually shutting.
very very very very tired..
slept throughout my whole bus ride.. .and i think my bag was too big..
the poor uncle had part of my bag on his lap. woops =X
neway... thank god econs is not due this coming monday..
finally.. i can relax for a sunday... but still... minimal work. nt none. heh
wanna catch definitely, maybe. or horton?!
think i'll just go watch whtever there is after studies..
im zonked out again.
today's full dress was rather fulfilling..
sounded nice...
looked quite nice..
not as bad as expected la. hahah.
and OMG.. i'm sooo in love with yin xue!!!!!
gosh.... anyone wld marry her la. HAH
and yay. i feel taller. =D the pain is all worth it.
ok la.. actually i think its not how high the heel is that caused the pain.
but more of the toes... i've gt a huge blister.
but anyway.. had a great time singing. =D yay
drama night's first night today as well...
hope they did well. hee =D
will be catching it tmr.. i dunno how..
coz my whole day is super jammed packed.
sighh.. i'll sort out a way..
college day tmr...
surprise! school song. hah =.=
okie... im officially closing my eyes..
night people!! =D
take care of ur voices pple. <3