too much tears.

if you are not in for rants... i strongly advise you to click the cross at the top right hand corner.

lemme start by this morning, i was supposed to transfer info from yesterday's sectionals to wen qi... and i failed to do so by waking late today... next, when i woke up, i realised i'm having a bad throat and the new ulcer (due to late nights) was causing me much pain. i've actually lost my voice since the hectic schedules began.

there was supposed to be auditions today.... which i totally have no confidence in passing. but, angela persuaded me to bring the gown, so yeah, thanks! hah. in the end... there was no audition.. but the appealed cases and the guys went through audition.. and its freakin scary i heard. The standards were really high ( for me at least)

then, after some whiney whiney moments about the audition, we went to prepare for the rehearsals for college day. The rehearsal in LT4 was kinda bad, tres cantos were quite screwed up..coz halfway.. there was silence where everyone stopped singing and making the noises.

could tell that ms ong was really pissed throughout the whole day. and the mishap didnt make it any better. the college song in the hall was the worst thing that happened to me. and a few others. the band was set out to be against us, they were blasting, trying to cover our voices. c'mon, they are using instruments, we are using our vocals... the first time round, i heard ms ong look straight front. and she had this solemn face while she was demo-ing, so i got the misconception that we have to be serious and look solemn, so, for the first time, i was looking straight and singing in a serious tone. the second time round, ms ong came and said have more expressions, so i thought, okay, maybe its okay to smile. so , during the second round, i was smiling abit. but when my eyes met her, she had this solemn look again, so i though we need to be solemn.. so i refrained from smiling. afterwhich, we went backstage and ms ong spoke to us. a rather demoralizing talk and a depressing one..halfway through, we were called back for another round of singing. the last time, mr kwek came up to us and told us to smile. he said we looked tired ( duh.. ) and souless. hah. okayy... so considering the fact that we are supposed to look vibrant. during the 3rd round, i was smiling and singing with passion.. for all the songs, i've been trying to blast despite the fact that my gastric was acting up halfway and aching madly...

and i guess it wasnt enough? so much for the pushing of my diaphgram at the expense of puking in the end... she said we werent putting in enough effort, and poor learning attitude and we looked disinterested. she says she'll see how well we do in the auditions ( me and si xia? ) coz the rest of the 3 already went through audition.

i don't mind her pinpointing or reprimanding me if i didn't try. but, it kinda disappoints me when i've actually tried and i gt wronged for something i've not really done. (well, i did sing and smile) i'm a libra, take not of the libra symbol, a weigh, representing fair and just. libra-ns are super sensitive and really cannot be wronged....

so i was super shagged and want to prove something, me, jac and angela stayed back to learn the music theories about the rests and stuffs.. and learn some techniques.. all thanks to JANICE n Theresa. thanks gals, if u guys are reading. hah. yeahh... managed to learn some stuffs... and i was super tired and went home..

when i reached the station, i waited for the train and boarded.... i was brain dead and my eyes were partially closed.. i was longing for a sit and surprisingly, the train i got on was quite empty... i just clambered to one of the seats and started to doze off.... and after 3 stops..i was preparing to get off.... and suddenly i realise the announcer said " next station, farrer park station" i got a shock and.. yeahh.. i got on the wrong train........ sighs...this explains the no. of seats..coz the train towards punggol are usually packed with pple.... in the end, i got home ard 11.... even my head's aching now......

when i get home from choir everytime, i always wish for my family to say smth like jiayou for choir k? instead of them always asking me to quit... but i guess its hard for them to understand that i don't wanna just give up. even though i know they care for my studies and me, but.... by asking me to quit ( and knowing i will not) does not help.. and somehow it makes things worse... i know they've shown some support by coming for the concert. but still... if they gimme moral support and understanding... i believe it'll be soo much better for everyone... well.. hopefully they can.. however, i do feel bad honestly.. about not spending time with them.. and everytime i come home, i get really tired and frustrated when they kept pursuing the mundane things... sorry for the bad attitude and everything... but im trying hard to smile more.....so that they wun have to worry so much. that time they told me, " i havent seen you smile ever since you joined choir" i immediately broke down.... no idea why.. but i've been tearing alot lately.... and ive always wetted angela's shoulder! thanks and sorry. hah

thanks alot really to the gals... thanks for the support.. especially janice.. whos been going the extra mile for us.... and to angela, jac, nicholyn, everyone...for being there....

treasure you guys...and my family too (:

P.S. i'll forget today's thingy.... coz i still love ms ong... shes just stressed like everyone else..
p.p.s Poh boon highly motivated me.. i nearly cried...
P.P.P.S : GOLD!!!!!!