Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy has its typical onset in adolescence and young adulthood. There is an average 15-year delay between onset and correct diagnosis which may contribute substantially to the disabling features of the disorder. Cognitive, educational, occupational, and psychosocial problems associated with the excessive daytime sleepiness of narcolepsy have been documented. For these to occur in the crucial teen years when education, development of self-image, and development of occupational choice are taking place is especially damaging. While cognitive impairment does occur, it may only be a reflection of the excessive daytime somnolence.
The prevalence of narcolepsy is about 1 per 2,000 persons[5]. It is a reason for patient visits to sleep disorder centers, and with its onset in adolescence, it is also a major cause of learning difficulty and absenteeism from school. Normal teenagers often already experience excessive daytime sleepiness because of a maturational increase in physiological sleep tendency accentuated by multiple educational and social pressures; this may be disabling with the addition of narcolepsy symptoms in susceptible teenagers. In clinical practice, the differentiation between narcolepsy and other conditions characterized by excessive somnolence may be difficult. Treatment options are currently limited. There is a paucity in the literature of controlled double-blind studies of possible effective drugs or other forms of therapy. Mechanisms of action of some of the few available therapeutic agents have been explored but detailed studies of mechanisms of action are needed before new classes of therapeutic agents can be developed.
Narcolepsy is an underdiagnosed condition in the general population. This is partly because its severity varies from obvious to barely noticeable. Some people with narcolepsy do not suffer from loss of muscle control. Others may only feel sleepy in the evenings.

Narcolepsy

felt terrible today.
havent cried for ages..
but it broke today.
finally.
i tried to hide it, but i guess im not very good at it
was that supposed to be motivation or pressure whtsoever??
i dont see any of it.
infact, it totally affected me, in a negative way?...
but its quite true, as to what she asked.
what are you good at??
seriously. i think theres nothing.
nothing at all...
if u consider crapping, stoning and falling asleep a talent.
i'll champ the talent contest.
yes, aint kidding.

sometimes its not that i have no answer to her questions,
but its simply just my retarded brain...
it requires a few minutes to process and think of what the person just said.
i dunno why, but my brain's just plain slow. which is why i cant understand stuffs in lectures..
unless its repeated a few times.
yes, this is how slow my brain is...
so i don't "huh" or pause because i cant think of the answer or don't know how to answer..
i just need time to process the question
and.... knowing that my brain reacts super slow to a highly impatient and pressurizing teacher,..
it retards even more.. and anxiety, panic, cold sweat, adrenaline, all gushes through my whole body a thousand times.... and looking at everyone's expression, trying to tell me the answer.. giving me that "are-you-an-idiot?-this-is-so-easy" kind of expression... it freaks me out even more... with all these happening all in a few nano seconds... its too overwhelming for me to take.
i really want to burst out of the classroom... or just jump down from the econs classroom and land on the tracks, dying ugly, when im already ugly enough….
The beautiful ugly, and the ugly beautiful.

I don’t understand why…
But I fall asleep even without knowing..
But even when I close my eyes accidentally for that few seconds..
My mind is still active, still alive, still very pretty much hearing the loud blarings of the teachers….
But during that split second, I just feel a shake or a tap and see the teacher’s eyes staring into mine, filled with disgust and disappointment.
I am not the kind that will just sprawl on the table and sleep..
And im not the kind who let my eyes just shut.
I try every single time I can or need to keep it open..
To at least force it open when I realised its close…
But the teachers just won’t understand don’t they??
Not only teachers, friends have shot me that look as well
“Why are you always sleeping?!!” I see that line written all over their face.
Do I feel like I like to sleep in class?
To always miss out prolly that minutes of lessons??
Do I like the feeling of always getting pointed out for falling asleep??
I get so pissed off about this sudden lapses of times when I fall asleep…
So I did some research about this thing and I realised theres this disorder that totally fits my experience.
Narcolepsy:
- People with narcolepsy may visibly fall asleep at unpredicted moments (such motions as head bobbing are common).
- People with narcolepsy may dream even when they only fall asleep for a few seconds.
The main characteristic of narcolepsy is excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), even after adequate night time sleep. A person with narcolepsy is likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and places. Daytime naps may occur without warning and may be physically irresistible. These naps can occur several times a day.
Its quite freaky to see myself fitting in to these symptoms, even though theres finally explanation to my drowsiness and unability to control my eyelids and sleep at the same time listen and write..

i will seek doctor's help soon, to certify. so that i can stop being maligned by irritating teachers and even getting irritated with myself. it was embarrasing on my way home today... i just switched off on the train and dropped my food and created a small din...

sigh.... what can i do?? how can i deal with this????

shoo me off, hahaha

okay. i really shouldnt be here.. still on my lit essay. only have 1.25 paragraphs done... goshh...
nights make me emo. sigh.....
11:11, been seeing this recently. hahaha.
its a good sign?! =D
my bro bought PS. I LOVE YOU
seriously. that book is the best ive ever read..
made me cry and laugh...
bring me on a ride on the emotion rollercoaster.
yupp. for those who haven read it,
pls watch the movie first...
lest u';ll be disappointed coz the book is really damn good..
HAHAH.
V day's coming.... this year's gotta be a damn sad one...
single club day.. ><
and worse still... he chose that day to do that.. hahaha. ok. no one knws wht im talking about.
(u're not supposed to )
anyway.. dun matter to me anymore..
yes girl. MOVE ON... MOVE UR DAMN FAT BUM...
haahaa...
never have hope, so u'll never have disappointments.
new year solution. just get a place in uni and get my degree so i can get my stable job and work towards the passions..
its time i do something for myself aint it??! =D
ohh ohh... and im damn excited for england trip!!! hahahaha
and the thing is.. EVRYONES GOING!!! (ok la, near everyone. hee )
yay yay yay
gives me another reason to work hard.
JIAYOU!!!!!!
and tuition was highly productive today=D
my math WILL improve.

haha. elaine!! table for 8!!!
lets pray hard we dun need it...

the call

i know he won't be reading this..
so yeah, just gonna blog about it for the first and last time.
i dunno if i loved you, but i definitely know at least i liked you.
love is too much a strong word..
from the call i made just now.
i know, i won't ever think about it again...

now that your happiness is near...
i won't be there to hear.
you laughter that seemed so close
will never be there to hold.
so now i say goodbye,
to this silly infatuation.
and all the hopes.
so that all u see in my eyes.
are the remains of disguise.

不想让你知道

忽然不想让你知道
在我心中你多重要
既然你要自由
你就得到
让你永远都记得我好
忽然不想让你知道
你的爱我已经戒不掉
就让思念淹没
我不想逃
反正你将永远不知道
今夜星光多美好
适合用寂寞去凭吊
我们曾用爱互相依靠
付出多少不用计较
想一个人多美好
就算只剩记忆可参考
被爱放逐到天涯海角
我的思念你不用都知道
直到有天你我年老
回忆随着白发风中闪耀
至少我清清楚楚知道
你若想起我会微笑

pissed.

i'm sselesu.
if theres one person i despise. its gotta be myself

dead

sorry for my really bad swings today....
but if im serious..... im really serious....
and.... im never apologizing to you ever again.
NEVER WILL I IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.

very dead today.
really drained out.
mentally..
and physically... thanks to my DAMN HEAVY BAG...
had no money for transportation today...
so had to walk to the mrt station..
it was about 9pm i guess....
pitch dark (also prolly due to my night blindness)
and there was not much people around..
kinda freaky...
haha, not very surprised im freaked out huh....
yeahh... the sounds were rather scary.... the crickets sounds....
and many other weird noises... HAHA.. paranoial u may say..
but im damn good at hallucinating...
.........i was dropping dead on my way home..
its a wonder how i manage to type so much,...
was doing the identity project...
not as easy as it seemed to be....

but thank god one great thing happened today!!
i found my files and books!!!! =DDD
omg... and mr quek/kwek/???? was in the GO as well...
his reaction was kinda interesting...
coz prolly i was really too elated... HAHA
YAY!! thankew kind soul! whoever helped me in it...

sigh... so much work recently.....
and.... thinking of tmr's audition sends the butterflies in my tummy fluttering.
rahhhhhhhh... ok... hahaa... and....
damn myself for using the forbidden word so many times....ahhhhhhhhhh

gotta go!!! my teddy's calling out to me. hah
CIAO!~

living dead.

we cant deny that life is the process of dying.
its a bitter sweet process.....with an unescapable ending.
a tragic, yet relieved ending.
this process, called life, has a deadline.
some have a longer one, some shorter.
its all not up to us to control or change.
however cliche it may be, but its the truth.
the result is not important, the most vital is that we enjoy the process and learn something from it.
so, we should be enjoying life, aint that right??
but every morning, on my way to school...
i see the cruelty of survival, the expression that most people carry.
the lethargy of this process...
with work and studies...
and the aunties and grandmas who worry about the dinner for the day..
the frowns. so often displayed, but so often forgotten how ugly it is.
every morning, i try to squeeze in to the small footspace in the lrt..
everyone pushing and squeezing with irritation.
everyone checking their watches to calculate time.
im no different, constantly peeking at the time on my phone display.
calculating the time i have, contemplating if i want to or need to run for school..
isn't this what everyone do, calculating and making full use of every minute they can.
and despite not liking this, it has unfortunately became a habit of everyone.
to rush. whether u're late or not. u just rush.
before even the passenger doors at the station open,
u can feel the pressure of the people behind u,
all ready to burst out of that door to move on.
is this how life should be? a rush?? are we rushing to reach our final destination???
the routine repeats itself, day by day.. until the day when u know u fast-forwarded or rush time too hard... u cant rewind.
no chance of it... and amongst the rush. how much of it have u enjoyed. or how much do you know about the roads u pass every single day... how much do you know other than rushing to your destination.... the process again, has been neglected....
we can say that everyone is working hard to survive. but sometimes ask yourself, issit simply survival? or are we just trying to fit in, to this society.. and what if, we do not have studies,... or what if we do not have a degree.. will this really affect our survival?? so why do we put sooo much of our time in it??? what can u answer when people ask what have you done in your life.... issit just how much knowlege we have or how high our position is in some company? or how much wealth you own??? and how much have u enjoyed throughout this process... and how much have u done for yourself.....
so what do you want to include in this short yet long process before u finally reach ur destination??? issit just another morning rush??? think about it....

medical leave

sick. on leave.
and... HAPPY BIRTHDAY YS!!! <3
sighss... of all days, saturday... when theres choir...
guess i hve to miss alot 3/4 of the celebration...
damn sad... ARGHHH
and i lost my voice!!!!! sound like a bass now... gross!!!!
work piling up to my neck....MC also cant rest... and tuition at night...
sighss.... so sorry.. just lemme rant. hah.

* theres a small tinge of hope tt i may find my file =D *

SO CLOSE.

You’re in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I’m with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We’re so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are

So close So close

And still so far

XMAS EVE, MAGICAL NIGHT

exciting gift exchange! love my prezzie siong!!!

the huge xmas tree at vivo

in white dog cafe.. nice ambience there

my food!!!

aint no moutain high enuf! hahah. add together the 2 SHANS!

the 4 of us @ vivo's roof park


frenz forever!! gave these to my 3 dears ^^

ME n Siong!

the 2 SHANS


3/4

strangers.

im an easy going person, and i sincerely love to make friends..BUT. if i sense "danger", or i feel stressed. don't blame me, coz i seriously seldom, rarely block pple...

unwritten.

too many thoughts sometimes,
too many things i have in mind
a silent facade, hiding whts thundering inside of me.
so i guess, its best to leave many things unsaid..
and untouched.
may it be forgotten.

untitled

the white portrait
scarred by that fine line,
the fine line that could not erased.
later the artist came.
he painted colours, he filled the whites
but deep down he knew,
that all these, were merely a facade,
a disguise, such that no one could tell
what was within, what was hidden.
this beautiful disaster, a secret,
shared only by the artist, and perhaps,
the person that gave the paper its first touch.

the paper became a vibrant one,
surfacing as a colourful portrait,
the differents paints used by many artists.
each came and painted their way on the landscape.
each came and left.
the picture became history
people grew sick of it,
colours fading,
there it stood on its stand,
forgotten and lost.
lost in reality,
lost in its own world,
lost in memory.
as the paints wear off,
the fine line, surfacing again.

they say, scars heal over time.
do they? it may be forgotten, temporarly.
but it creeps back to you now and then..
whenever dark comes, or whenever u're alone in a little room.
having the fear its going to be locked on you..

having the fear that you will be forgotten...
that no one cares if you're locked behind that door...
having the fear that your pain brings happiness to others.
that no one cares if you're crying out loud...

腳步偶爾還是會沉重。。

时间，飞速而过。。真得太快了。
转眼间，我这个窝已经快待了七年。
墙上的漆，被粉刷过，一次又一次。
而记忆，也一次又一次的被更新，被粉刷。。
但最底层的那部分，也从来没消失过。
而只是被那一层层的保护色掩盖着。
没错，我是比从前快乐，好多好多。
谢谢了。我的朋友们，带给我那么好的回忆。
真的，小女子在这向所有真心对待我的每一位致谢。

一转眼，2008 就要来了。。
新学期也会带着它一切的压力与负荷，
压抑着每位学生。。。
这种压力。。必须自己去体会，才会知道。
真的不容易。。。
在我说这得当下，可能会被十年后的我，当成儿戏。。
因为，十年后的我，会有不能预知的烦恼和问题。。。
也许，现在的经历对以后的我，比起来，只是皮毛。。
但这一切的切。。。 还算远。。。十年，很远。。

这条漫长的路，虽然艰辛，虽然坎坷，但我也看到人的阴暗面。。
我也学会相信，学会依赖。。甚至， 有时还会忘记从前的孤胆，使怎么熬过来的。。
我太依赖了吗？

我的感情观念也变了许多。。
算是满多的。。　但我清楚之道的是。。
自己不能相信，不能依赖，不能衬托。。。
我想，这算是逃避，也算是让自己，不要上的那么深。。。

爱怎会输给了时间。
我的耳边，在听不见。。
我以为永远不会变
最习惯的明天见。。。　
心会受伤，也能复原。。

秀盈。记得，不要太轻易相信。。。

ESCAPE

it was a day of fun and excitement at the escape theme park yesterday. went out with jac, faith, stella, meixuan and qing. it was their 7th annivasary thus the tickets were only sold at 7 bucks! huge deals huh. anyway, tried the wild and wet thingy for my first time... was worrying and feared for nth, coz afterall it was fun. mx was screaming even more than me la. haahah. yup, everything was fun. and we took the revolving space thingy for like 5 times till it close... it was really heaven up there. it was like an addiction for me and jac... and one thing about escape was the height limit... .omgosh.... those pple were just carrying the pole around measuring my height can.... gahhh... but i think the height limit for the go kart thing shld be higher... coz apparently.. i had some difficulty stepping on the accelerator and the brakes... and.. omgosh, it was the worse thing tt happened throughout the hols.. i was coming down at high speed from the slope.. and i lost control of the steering wheel and crashed right into the curb.... caused a rather major jam there... the impact was sooo huge.. i cant even turn my neck... and my chest is in some major pain right now.... no idea wht to do... doctor or not...? coz my mum told me this before i left: " don't play until here pain there pain come back complain to me.".. yupp.. so i cant let her know... and... gahhhh.... worried! hahha. paranoid?! i dunno, but it hurts la... call me "gu niang" ba... (well, im a gal! ) ...... ok.. lemme sink in my own worries.. so long!!! CIAO~

CHANGES. BLACK OR WHITE

the conductor came back yesterday, bringing back his weirdness along as well. there were huge changes made in the choir. pple went from A2 to S1, S to A.. but alto became rather sympathatic... sighhss... ..

complicated

the world is no longer as simple, no longer as innocent. smiles are no longer smiles, laughter no longer laughter. i don't wanna belong, don't wanna be in disguise, leen's staying here, staying in this plain world with only warmth and love and laughter.... is this possible????

BLOG DIVIDED.

i know you guys are like super anti chi. hahha, so emo stuffs in chi, so tt u guys wun be affected.. =DD

emotions overload

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL HURT. DON'T WANT TO BREAK THAT EASILY. I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.